(no subject)
"Tragedy is a tool for the living to gain wisdom, not a guide by which to live."
I heard this on Criminal Minds last night and was reminded of it when reading another journal. How true this can be. I think that these past 2 years I have used all this tragedy not to guide my life, but it has DEFINED it. That is not good. Somehow I need to make my way out of the darkness. I have become this bitter person that I don't know. I used to be so happy and carefree, and now I am not that at all. I judge people very quickly and give them no second chances, and by doing that I think that I am cutting people out of my life that should still be there. That being said, I still have cut a few people out who I know were just sucking more of the life out of me. Example, a conversation I had with someone recently.
Her: "I know JUST how you feel! I had to have an emergency C section with my son. It was so scary. We almost lost him."
Me: Wow, that must have been. Lucky you he is still alive. Mine aren't. So I guess you really don't know how I feel.
Her: "Oh sure I do, it is the scariest thing to think you are going to lose your child."
Me: Ummm...okay. He is 8 now right? Still here.
Her: "Well, you just need to get over it".
Me: Oh, there's the door, I better go.
Never going to talk to her again. No mercy there. It isn't that I think my tragedy is worse than anyone elses, but I know lots of people who had to have emergency c sections and everything is just fine. I think the problem is that I feel so alone in this pain and even the doctors know of no other cases like mine. If they could just find the problem...........
I need to find a way to not let this tragedy in my life define it, but to help it be shaped into a better life.
I heard this on Criminal Minds last night and was reminded of it when reading another journal. How true this can be. I think that these past 2 years I have used all this tragedy not to guide my life, but it has DEFINED it. That is not good. Somehow I need to make my way out of the darkness. I have become this bitter person that I don't know. I used to be so happy and carefree, and now I am not that at all. I judge people very quickly and give them no second chances, and by doing that I think that I am cutting people out of my life that should still be there. That being said, I still have cut a few people out who I know were just sucking more of the life out of me. Example, a conversation I had with someone recently.
Her: "I know JUST how you feel! I had to have an emergency C section with my son. It was so scary. We almost lost him."
Me: Wow, that must have been. Lucky you he is still alive. Mine aren't. So I guess you really don't know how I feel.
Her: "Oh sure I do, it is the scariest thing to think you are going to lose your child."
Me: Ummm...okay. He is 8 now right? Still here.
Her: "Well, you just need to get over it".
Me: Oh, there's the door, I better go.
Never going to talk to her again. No mercy there. It isn't that I think my tragedy is worse than anyone elses, but I know lots of people who had to have emergency c sections and everything is just fine. I think the problem is that I feel so alone in this pain and even the doctors know of no other cases like mine. If they could just find the problem...........
I need to find a way to not let this tragedy in my life define it, but to help it be shaped into a better life.