Haunting
You promised
You promised I wouldn’t be just another name
In stories of lover after lover;
But here we are and I landed on the cover.
You breeched walls that took me decades to build. You coaxed my soul out of hiding. There was no fear behind my guard. There were no risks. I was safe.
You took my hand and led me out into the open. I was vulnerable. I was terrified. I was hopeful.
It had to be some complete act of madness on my part because I believed you. I wanted so desperately to believe you. I was naked and open. It was raw and honest and I was exposed entirely. I lay my hand over top of my chest; so this is my heart racing…I ran my hand down the length of my hips; so these are butterflies.
I had forgotten. I had buried my softest, truest self so deeply and intricately into hiding that when those feelings emerged it was foreign. I was learning how to walk again, how to speak…how to love.
Electric when you touch me, weak when you kiss me.
Subtle smiles and conversations with our eyes. I found my home in those moments next to you, within you.
I could sing with you, dance with you. I was myself, and you loved me.
The love I gave you was without condition. There was no limit and no boundary; no expiration. I literally counted down moments until we could be tangled up together again. There was such a natural wholeness. An easy peace.
Tell me you didn’t feel it.
Tell me you didn’t know.
Tell me that my love didn’t set your soul on fire and leave you hungry for the flames.
Tell me that my touch didn’t excite every nerve in those heavy hands.
Tell me your pulse doesn’t dance rapidly at the thought of fighting to catch your breath as we steal air from one another’s lips.
Tell me it wasn’t real.
Tell me that it was the best illusion, the quickest sleight of hand the worlds ever seen.
Tell me those feelings never existed…that they still don’t.
Tell me our memories, our laughter, my smile, your happiness don’t haunt you.
Does it make you restless? Do you replay moment after moment altering them ever so slightly?
When you hear a song, when you see my name…do you pause?
But you won’t tell me those things. You won’t breathe a word.
Because we could be inches from one another in person and still be 5,000 miles away from each other at the same time. There is so much left unsaid. Lead words on a tired tongue.
What would it change?
Push me away. Block me out. Filter me. Give me up. Let me go. It’s easier isn’t it?
Its better isn’t it?
Isn’t it?
I know your heart, I’ve danced with your soul, and I’ve laid in those arms while quieting that busy mind
Why do you hurt me and heal me in the same breathe.
Stop haunting me.
My strength has forsaken me.
This love is a prison and I fear my heart serves a life sentence.
You promised I wouldn’t be just another name
In stories of lover after lover;
But here we are and I landed on the cover.
You breeched walls that took me decades to build. You coaxed my soul out of hiding. There was no fear behind my guard. There were no risks. I was safe.
You took my hand and led me out into the open. I was vulnerable. I was terrified. I was hopeful.
It had to be some complete act of madness on my part because I believed you. I wanted so desperately to believe you. I was naked and open. It was raw and honest and I was exposed entirely. I lay my hand over top of my chest; so this is my heart racing…I ran my hand down the length of my hips; so these are butterflies.
I had forgotten. I had buried my softest, truest self so deeply and intricately into hiding that when those feelings emerged it was foreign. I was learning how to walk again, how to speak…how to love.
Electric when you touch me, weak when you kiss me.
Subtle smiles and conversations with our eyes. I found my home in those moments next to you, within you.
I could sing with you, dance with you. I was myself, and you loved me.
The love I gave you was without condition. There was no limit and no boundary; no expiration. I literally counted down moments until we could be tangled up together again. There was such a natural wholeness. An easy peace.
Tell me you didn’t feel it.
Tell me you didn’t know.
Tell me that my love didn’t set your soul on fire and leave you hungry for the flames.
Tell me that my touch didn’t excite every nerve in those heavy hands.
Tell me your pulse doesn’t dance rapidly at the thought of fighting to catch your breath as we steal air from one another’s lips.
Tell me it wasn’t real.
Tell me that it was the best illusion, the quickest sleight of hand the worlds ever seen.
Tell me those feelings never existed…that they still don’t.
Tell me our memories, our laughter, my smile, your happiness don’t haunt you.
Does it make you restless? Do you replay moment after moment altering them ever so slightly?
When you hear a song, when you see my name…do you pause?
But you won’t tell me those things. You won’t breathe a word.
Because we could be inches from one another in person and still be 5,000 miles away from each other at the same time. There is so much left unsaid. Lead words on a tired tongue.
What would it change?
Push me away. Block me out. Filter me. Give me up. Let me go. It’s easier isn’t it?
Its better isn’t it?
Isn’t it?
I know your heart, I’ve danced with your soul, and I’ve laid in those arms while quieting that busy mind
Why do you hurt me and heal me in the same breathe.
Stop haunting me.
My strength has forsaken me.
This love is a prison and I fear my heart serves a life sentence.