Stressed and Confused.
I can't decide what I want. I need to make a decision soon before I hurt myself or anyone else involved. I said how Randy is interested in me, well I am interested in him too, I don't know if it's just cause I like the attention, or i'm curious, or what, but I want to hang out with him more. I know he is just a player and he's looking for a friend with benefits, but I don't care, I think it's something I need to do, I'm young, about to move away for college and I just need to have fun. But then I think of Jamie, someone who means a LOT to me and I would never want to hurt ever, but I just feel like it's going to be harder for me to start something with him before I move, and then I would move and just the moving part would break my heart. I know it would break his too. I'm not sure if I want to be just friends with him right now and wait until I come back from college and see what happens then or what. Then i'm afraid if I do tell him that I just want to be friends right now, that I will break his heart and he won't want to see me anymore, even as a friend. I told myself I'm not going to sleep with him again until I decide what the heck I want, it's not fair to me and especially him. That hardest part for me is telling him that I need time to decide what I want, if anyone knows me, they know how I am when it comes to confrontation or risking hurting someone's feelings, I have a really hard time doing it. Then i'm also afraid that if I tell him I just want to be friends, and I start hanging out with Randy, that he'll get pissed and think i'm just looking for sex. Which is not true, I just want to do some dating around right now to decide what I want. (Charlotte, I need to talk to you about all this!) I'm afraid of losing either of them.
Last night was wicked wednesday at the bar, where beer is only 1.50. I wasn't going to go, but around 10 Jamie called me, which I missed the call, he called from Randy's phone and left a message to see what I was doing, then about 10 minutes later, Randy called me and asked what I was doing. So I went up there for a bit. Randy and Jamie were playing pool together...oh great both of them together and they don't even really get along. I had to be careful to not hurt either of their feelings, I could tell that Jamie was trying to claim territory cause he was all over me in the bar and wouldn't let up, it didn't help that he was drunk too. So we all played pool together and then Jamie wanted me to follow him home for a little lovin before I went home. He asked me this right in front of Randy. I should have said no so I wasn't rubbing it in his face, but I said yes. So I went there and then I went home and around 12:30, Randy called me PISSED OFF, he was like, what the fuck do you need to tease me like that for? I was confused cause I didn't think I was teasing him, I haven't done anything except be friendly with Randy. He thought I was staying at Jamie's house and when I told him that I was at home he didn't believe me. He was pissed right off, he was like, All you are is tease, and blah blah blah, I told him that I didn't mean for it to look that way, I would never do anything like that to someone, and I would never lie to him. He started to believe me in the end, but was still pissed right off. Everyone knows right now that I have been seeing Jamie for a while now, and that shouldn't shock him that I would go home with him. I don't see a reason for him to be mad at me, I value his friendship and don't want to ruin that. I'm going to give him a day to cool off and then i'm going to call him tomorrow night and see what's up. I think it's his problem that he's pissed at me, but I want to explain to him my situation with Jamie and everything so he understands what is going on and I don't come across as a tease. So, I'm definately not going to tell Jamie about that cause it would piss him off, but I somehow need to find a way to tell him that I just want to be friends for now, and see what happens when I come back from college.
UGH I'm so stressed out! Every girl thinks it would be cool to have two guys want you at the same time... ITS NOT!! IT SUCKS!!!!
Last night was wicked wednesday at the bar, where beer is only 1.50. I wasn't going to go, but around 10 Jamie called me, which I missed the call, he called from Randy's phone and left a message to see what I was doing, then about 10 minutes later, Randy called me and asked what I was doing. So I went up there for a bit. Randy and Jamie were playing pool together...oh great both of them together and they don't even really get along. I had to be careful to not hurt either of their feelings, I could tell that Jamie was trying to claim territory cause he was all over me in the bar and wouldn't let up, it didn't help that he was drunk too. So we all played pool together and then Jamie wanted me to follow him home for a little lovin before I went home. He asked me this right in front of Randy. I should have said no so I wasn't rubbing it in his face, but I said yes. So I went there and then I went home and around 12:30, Randy called me PISSED OFF, he was like, what the fuck do you need to tease me like that for? I was confused cause I didn't think I was teasing him, I haven't done anything except be friendly with Randy. He thought I was staying at Jamie's house and when I told him that I was at home he didn't believe me. He was pissed right off, he was like, All you are is tease, and blah blah blah, I told him that I didn't mean for it to look that way, I would never do anything like that to someone, and I would never lie to him. He started to believe me in the end, but was still pissed right off. Everyone knows right now that I have been seeing Jamie for a while now, and that shouldn't shock him that I would go home with him. I don't see a reason for him to be mad at me, I value his friendship and don't want to ruin that. I'm going to give him a day to cool off and then i'm going to call him tomorrow night and see what's up. I think it's his problem that he's pissed at me, but I want to explain to him my situation with Jamie and everything so he understands what is going on and I don't come across as a tease. So, I'm definately not going to tell Jamie about that cause it would piss him off, but I somehow need to find a way to tell him that I just want to be friends for now, and see what happens when I come back from college.
UGH I'm so stressed out! Every girl thinks it would be cool to have two guys want you at the same time... ITS NOT!! IT SUCKS!!!!