Full on day ...
Mmm... I haven't updated since my disaster-day-Friday.
Today was a full on day. I woke at 9.00 when we gave presents to Dad. I had the worst trouble finding a card and THEN finding something nice to say. I'm not being stupid, but omg it was seriously so hard. To be honest, I hate him, and I always will. People may think that's bad, uncalled for, whatever, but you haven't been through what I have, I'm not trying to be a hero, but that's the way it is, and it's the way it's made me. Forever.
Megan had to somehow find a card also, she managed to find one quite easily. It was something along the lines of ... "Dad, I believe you think, I'm one of a kind... Just remember; I got it from you!" LOL Mine went (and I'm not usually into these cocky cartoon style, cheeky cards, but I wasn't going to go for one of those delicate mushy ones. It was an embarrassing and hard time for me to choose a card. Mine went: "Originally bought you one of those nifty muscial cards, but the dog ate it... now, whenever he farts, he plays 'for he's a jolly good fellow'" lol, it was good because it was totally off the subject of being a good father etc. Dad knows he's not. He said something about it today. The only thing I don't get, is if he knows it, why doesn't he work at changing it? Ah. *shrugs* Anyway, on Megans card she wrote something about promising she'd clean her room for Dad, because it's Fathers Day (he's very into the whole "clean thing" ... and that she'd clean it, within a month or two! ;) I wrote about driving, "thanks for the driving lessons. Round-a-bouts aren't so hard, parking is! Oh, and if you think i'm a crap driver, maybe you should talk to the person who taught me!" ;) It was all in 'fun' and I was happy I didn't have to lie to have fun. He laughed at them, and took them to show Ro and Chris. My stress over a Fathers Day card was ok after all! =)
Mum, Megan and I did come up with some interesting and amusing things to say, which we didn't use, when we were thinking; and thinking hard we were!!
"Thanks for being a good Father and not yelling at us for the past 2 hours." - Mum
"To put it simply Dad, I love you as much as you love me; zilch!!" - Megan
"If you think I'm a sh*t driver, than what are you?!" - Me
Little Angels, aren't we?! =P Hmmm... Today we had pizza for lunch, from Pizza Hut, and salad. We brought it home, because I like my salad better, and Mum had coupons for take away pizza anyway. I was going to drive there, but Dad wouldn't go the way I felt safe in going, which is very important to me, so I couldn't drive. That made Mum and I so angry. He was saying how easy that round-a-bout is; (and for locals it's the main one near the bridge in highton/belmont.) He almost had an accident there TODAY on the way back. Right as he was telling me how easy it is, and how it's "done" - no thank you. Today was quite frustrating in many ways. His ways, argh. I had to walk out of the room at one stage to cool down, I was SO frustrated. Unbelieveable. Stubborn bastard, and he just walked in the room, help.
We went to Granny and Poppy's for afternoon tea, 3.30 ish. Poppy was bad, it made me feel really sad. He's loosing his memory. I hear of everyone one else saying it and everything, but things like this don't happen to MY Poppy. =S I don't know him very well, but he's mine, and seeing him going downhill so fast disturbs me. I know it hurts Mum too, and when Dad talks crap, it hurts me to the point I could ... I don't know. I know it hurts Granny, because she's going to be alone for so long. Poppy is 81 though, Granny is 76, I think... She's so fit, so healthy. She doesn't do much, she'll be around for ages. I hugged her so hard when I said goodbye to her. I've never been close to either of them, but I knew she saw I was upset when I said goodbye, and almost killed her with a strong 30 second hug goodbye. It sucks. Poppy liked his licorice though, and his $20. I went outside at Granny's, I hadn't been out there for ages. It's been at least 4 years. That backyard used to be so big. We threw rocks at the pidgeons on the neighbours roof, I remember. =P Mum and Granny caught us one day haha. Us and our cousins.
They're not around any more - never see them, and Bec's at uni. Ah, I hate change. It's SO sad. I could cry. But if we didn't have change, I wouldn't be at high school, or be driving, or have met people at Belmont, who have changed my life and made me who I am today. Sounds cheesy, but I promise, it's true.
After Granny and Poppy's house we headed over to Chris's house. I drove over there, from one side of Geelong to the other, woot =) All Dad does is critisies me, all Mum does is encourages. She's not even allowed to sit in the front with me. NOT ALLOWED I say. Ah, that bastard tries to run my life. I hate the power he tries to hold. He says 6 months at least, until Mum's alowed to drive with me. It makes me utterly sick. I did a good job, he tells me the wrong things to do. Lanes and everything, I correct him, it's unbelieveable. I probably sound like a "know it all teenager" but I'm just sick of him treating me as if I'm 5 - Add 10, and you're getting close.
This is a long entry. Dinner at Chris's was good, it always is. I was so full after though I had to lie down. Brian had a discussion with me, or debate about sexuality, how it's wrong. I thought it was ok. We are brought up in this day and age to accept people. If you are born a girl, who likes girls, you can't go "I don't want to be lesbian any more, I'm going to like guys from now on." It's how you feel, and you can't change it. You just have to accept being different, wether you like it or not. I was born a girl, and I like guys. I can't turn around and go "I don't want to like guys any more. I'm going to like girls" it's the way you are. It frustrated me becasue the way he was talking makes peoples lifes hell. They're just like us, born a certain way, and they can't change it. Just as we can't.
We are a Christian family, all of us, and he says that in the bible, it's wrong. I don't want to sound like a freak or anything, but I try and do what's right and wrong, but in this day and age, what do you do? I'd hate to be against lesbians and gays, etc. It's not their fault. Am I bieng bad though, not obeying the bible? It's so confusing. I can't explain it. I know people will laugh at that paragraph but it's ok. You don't understand. I don't really expect you to. Anyway, we ended up having this kinda fight, because I feel strong about it. We shouldn't be unfair to them. They don't choose. He says it's a "habit" and tests have proven it. He thinks he knows everything. He doesn't. I learnt something today. Don't walk into Brians house and have an opinon, because you're not allowed to. I ended the conversation in front of all the adults (I sit with them, the kids and Megan were playing) "Ok, yep, whatever" ... and he continued "It's wrong, it's sin, sin, sin". I just want "Ok." and left it. I heard Chris (his wife) go "Why be so hard on her?!" - I did feel a bit of a string afterwards. I don't 'fight' much, but I didn't agree. The force I had been spoken to in was a shock! WHen leaving he goes "Look up sexuality in the bible!" I just walked out the door. Stuff him. What are you guys opinions on this? Are any of you religious? Mum and Dad just said that you don't want to get on the wrong side of Brian or have a different opinion toward him. Dad's definetly racist, but Mum is like me, I think. Is there a choice? You can't be racist in this day and age, it's just not ... right?!
Hmmm... long entry. I think that's about all that happened today. Maths test tomorrow, and Biol, not really looking forward to that, or Tuesday. I ahve to work tomorrow too, eh. =S I'll live. I have, up until now, right? Casual dress day tomorrow, meh, what to wear...
Love and Light, Nicole xo
(41 mins)
Today was a full on day. I woke at 9.00 when we gave presents to Dad. I had the worst trouble finding a card and THEN finding something nice to say. I'm not being stupid, but omg it was seriously so hard. To be honest, I hate him, and I always will. People may think that's bad, uncalled for, whatever, but you haven't been through what I have, I'm not trying to be a hero, but that's the way it is, and it's the way it's made me. Forever.
Megan had to somehow find a card also, she managed to find one quite easily. It was something along the lines of ... "Dad, I believe you think, I'm one of a kind... Just remember; I got it from you!" LOL Mine went (and I'm not usually into these cocky cartoon style, cheeky cards, but I wasn't going to go for one of those delicate mushy ones. It was an embarrassing and hard time for me to choose a card. Mine went: "Originally bought you one of those nifty muscial cards, but the dog ate it... now, whenever he farts, he plays 'for he's a jolly good fellow'" lol, it was good because it was totally off the subject of being a good father etc. Dad knows he's not. He said something about it today. The only thing I don't get, is if he knows it, why doesn't he work at changing it? Ah. *shrugs* Anyway, on Megans card she wrote something about promising she'd clean her room for Dad, because it's Fathers Day (he's very into the whole "clean thing" ... and that she'd clean it, within a month or two! ;) I wrote about driving, "thanks for the driving lessons. Round-a-bouts aren't so hard, parking is! Oh, and if you think i'm a crap driver, maybe you should talk to the person who taught me!" ;) It was all in 'fun' and I was happy I didn't have to lie to have fun. He laughed at them, and took them to show Ro and Chris. My stress over a Fathers Day card was ok after all! =)
Mum, Megan and I did come up with some interesting and amusing things to say, which we didn't use, when we were thinking; and thinking hard we were!!
"Thanks for being a good Father and not yelling at us for the past 2 hours." - Mum
"To put it simply Dad, I love you as much as you love me; zilch!!" - Megan
"If you think I'm a sh*t driver, than what are you?!" - Me
Little Angels, aren't we?! =P Hmmm... Today we had pizza for lunch, from Pizza Hut, and salad. We brought it home, because I like my salad better, and Mum had coupons for take away pizza anyway. I was going to drive there, but Dad wouldn't go the way I felt safe in going, which is very important to me, so I couldn't drive. That made Mum and I so angry. He was saying how easy that round-a-bout is; (and for locals it's the main one near the bridge in highton/belmont.) He almost had an accident there TODAY on the way back. Right as he was telling me how easy it is, and how it's "done" - no thank you. Today was quite frustrating in many ways. His ways, argh. I had to walk out of the room at one stage to cool down, I was SO frustrated. Unbelieveable. Stubborn bastard, and he just walked in the room, help.
We went to Granny and Poppy's for afternoon tea, 3.30 ish. Poppy was bad, it made me feel really sad. He's loosing his memory. I hear of everyone one else saying it and everything, but things like this don't happen to MY Poppy. =S I don't know him very well, but he's mine, and seeing him going downhill so fast disturbs me. I know it hurts Mum too, and when Dad talks crap, it hurts me to the point I could ... I don't know. I know it hurts Granny, because she's going to be alone for so long. Poppy is 81 though, Granny is 76, I think... She's so fit, so healthy. She doesn't do much, she'll be around for ages. I hugged her so hard when I said goodbye to her. I've never been close to either of them, but I knew she saw I was upset when I said goodbye, and almost killed her with a strong 30 second hug goodbye. It sucks. Poppy liked his licorice though, and his $20. I went outside at Granny's, I hadn't been out there for ages. It's been at least 4 years. That backyard used to be so big. We threw rocks at the pidgeons on the neighbours roof, I remember. =P Mum and Granny caught us one day haha. Us and our cousins.
They're not around any more - never see them, and Bec's at uni. Ah, I hate change. It's SO sad. I could cry. But if we didn't have change, I wouldn't be at high school, or be driving, or have met people at Belmont, who have changed my life and made me who I am today. Sounds cheesy, but I promise, it's true.
After Granny and Poppy's house we headed over to Chris's house. I drove over there, from one side of Geelong to the other, woot =) All Dad does is critisies me, all Mum does is encourages. She's not even allowed to sit in the front with me. NOT ALLOWED I say. Ah, that bastard tries to run my life. I hate the power he tries to hold. He says 6 months at least, until Mum's alowed to drive with me. It makes me utterly sick. I did a good job, he tells me the wrong things to do. Lanes and everything, I correct him, it's unbelieveable. I probably sound like a "know it all teenager" but I'm just sick of him treating me as if I'm 5 - Add 10, and you're getting close.
This is a long entry. Dinner at Chris's was good, it always is. I was so full after though I had to lie down. Brian had a discussion with me, or debate about sexuality, how it's wrong. I thought it was ok. We are brought up in this day and age to accept people. If you are born a girl, who likes girls, you can't go "I don't want to be lesbian any more, I'm going to like guys from now on." It's how you feel, and you can't change it. You just have to accept being different, wether you like it or not. I was born a girl, and I like guys. I can't turn around and go "I don't want to like guys any more. I'm going to like girls" it's the way you are. It frustrated me becasue the way he was talking makes peoples lifes hell. They're just like us, born a certain way, and they can't change it. Just as we can't.
We are a Christian family, all of us, and he says that in the bible, it's wrong. I don't want to sound like a freak or anything, but I try and do what's right and wrong, but in this day and age, what do you do? I'd hate to be against lesbians and gays, etc. It's not their fault. Am I bieng bad though, not obeying the bible? It's so confusing. I can't explain it. I know people will laugh at that paragraph but it's ok. You don't understand. I don't really expect you to. Anyway, we ended up having this kinda fight, because I feel strong about it. We shouldn't be unfair to them. They don't choose. He says it's a "habit" and tests have proven it. He thinks he knows everything. He doesn't. I learnt something today. Don't walk into Brians house and have an opinon, because you're not allowed to. I ended the conversation in front of all the adults (I sit with them, the kids and Megan were playing) "Ok, yep, whatever" ... and he continued "It's wrong, it's sin, sin, sin". I just want "Ok." and left it. I heard Chris (his wife) go "Why be so hard on her?!" - I did feel a bit of a string afterwards. I don't 'fight' much, but I didn't agree. The force I had been spoken to in was a shock! WHen leaving he goes "Look up sexuality in the bible!" I just walked out the door. Stuff him. What are you guys opinions on this? Are any of you religious? Mum and Dad just said that you don't want to get on the wrong side of Brian or have a different opinion toward him. Dad's definetly racist, but Mum is like me, I think. Is there a choice? You can't be racist in this day and age, it's just not ... right?!
Hmmm... long entry. I think that's about all that happened today. Maths test tomorrow, and Biol, not really looking forward to that, or Tuesday. I ahve to work tomorrow too, eh. =S I'll live. I have, up until now, right? Casual dress day tomorrow, meh, what to wear...
Love and Light, Nicole xo
(41 mins)