The sort of plan:
So I want to be in Boulder by August or September.
In April, Mom and I move back to Baton Rouge. I can live with her rent-free. We both save money. It's possible I could get transferred to the Melting Pot there. If not, it's likely I can find a coffeeshop job. Or maybe Jay can help me find something at his apartment complex. Mom will still be going back and forth to nola on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so I can go with her and still hang out with people. Maybe even stay with Steve a few nights here and there. Provided I find a job quickly, this would put me in a position to save quite a bit of money through the summer.
A one-way flight to Denver from New Orleans is about $150. I can pay for a short-term stay somewhere, or see about subletting a room in town - this alone will probably run me about $650, which is about a month's rent in the area. Get a bike. Find a place to live, and a job. Bring stuff from Baton Rouge... requires help from Jay, plus selling/giving away a bunch of my stuff... Will also need money for first month's rent plus deposit.
Seems reasonable. All depends on how much money I can save over the summer.
But Mom wants me to go to Greece with her in May... Do I turn down a trip to Greece? When someone is offering to help me pay for it? Umm. No.
That could really slow things down. Is that okay? It would mean another year before I could start school... Am I really ready for this? It seems so fast. But it has to happen sooner or later.
I spent some more time exploring UCC's program today and the course offerings have me salivating. If I'm going to finish school, this is how I'm going to do it. The question is whether or not I can handle being so far away from my friends and family. There are still things I want from this place. I want to see my mom finish law school, for one thing. I want to be around to work in her first law office. I want to be here for Steve. But what else? Is there really anything else holding me here? Apart from how much I love the place, obviously.
I have always considered myself a sedentary person. Am I? My dreams have always been dreams that would draw me far, far away from home. Maybe that's why I've always been so afraid of ambition. I have been feeling for years that I need to find my Quest. And wondering what that quest might look like. I've been so restless, living with this frustrated potential, this knowing that I must one day go off the deep end. I'm not the sort of person who's going to be satisfied with less, though I have told myself for years that I am. I sometimes wonder if this is part of why my work suffers, why I feel paralyzed as a writer - that I'm not yet living the challenges that I need to live.
It's time for a change, and change seems very possible right now. I'm suddenly really scared.
In April, Mom and I move back to Baton Rouge. I can live with her rent-free. We both save money. It's possible I could get transferred to the Melting Pot there. If not, it's likely I can find a coffeeshop job. Or maybe Jay can help me find something at his apartment complex. Mom will still be going back and forth to nola on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so I can go with her and still hang out with people. Maybe even stay with Steve a few nights here and there. Provided I find a job quickly, this would put me in a position to save quite a bit of money through the summer.
A one-way flight to Denver from New Orleans is about $150. I can pay for a short-term stay somewhere, or see about subletting a room in town - this alone will probably run me about $650, which is about a month's rent in the area. Get a bike. Find a place to live, and a job. Bring stuff from Baton Rouge... requires help from Jay, plus selling/giving away a bunch of my stuff... Will also need money for first month's rent plus deposit.
Seems reasonable. All depends on how much money I can save over the summer.
But Mom wants me to go to Greece with her in May... Do I turn down a trip to Greece? When someone is offering to help me pay for it? Umm. No.
That could really slow things down. Is that okay? It would mean another year before I could start school... Am I really ready for this? It seems so fast. But it has to happen sooner or later.
I spent some more time exploring UCC's program today and the course offerings have me salivating. If I'm going to finish school, this is how I'm going to do it. The question is whether or not I can handle being so far away from my friends and family. There are still things I want from this place. I want to see my mom finish law school, for one thing. I want to be around to work in her first law office. I want to be here for Steve. But what else? Is there really anything else holding me here? Apart from how much I love the place, obviously.
I have always considered myself a sedentary person. Am I? My dreams have always been dreams that would draw me far, far away from home. Maybe that's why I've always been so afraid of ambition. I have been feeling for years that I need to find my Quest. And wondering what that quest might look like. I've been so restless, living with this frustrated potential, this knowing that I must one day go off the deep end. I'm not the sort of person who's going to be satisfied with less, though I have told myself for years that I am. I sometimes wonder if this is part of why my work suffers, why I feel paralyzed as a writer - that I'm not yet living the challenges that I need to live.
It's time for a change, and change seems very possible right now. I'm suddenly really scared.