Oct 29, 2011 04:15
Got a message from the (hopefully) soon to be ex-wife a couple days ago that I would be receiving papers for the divorce by Feb at the latest, hopefully before then. At this point I just want that woman out of my life, so that my son and I can move on with our lives. She is a walking train wreck and the best thing that ever happened to me was her walking out. Because without that, I wouldnt have noticed all of the f**ked up things that she did to Alex in regards to his schooling or total lack there of.
Alex is doing really good in school, all of his teachers say that he is the most well behaved child that they have ever worked with. Just about every other night I am helping him with his homework...he doesnt give me too much in the way of fusing when I need to correct him. Some times I have to remind him that if he fuses with me too much that I can go to his teachers and tell them about it, that generally shuts him up quickly and then we get back to finishing whatever homework assignment it is.
Wow...I know, typically you dont see me saying alot on here, but of that is due to me being quiet much of the time since we moved back down here. Being a single parent now, I dont get to go out much, or even visit with friends. And due to the situation with my grandmother being in and out of the hospital, thats kinda set back my attempts to get reemployed somewhere down here.
At this point I'm just tired, and more than a little lonely. I will not just settle for anyone to be with at this point. And I'm certain that I never want to get married again, I just dont believe in legalized marriage anymore. To me, all legalized marriage is...its a way for the state to allow for inheritances in case one spouse dies, or a way for both spouses to get even with one another if the marriage goes bad for one or both. I just dont want to deal with that anymore. I believe in romantic relationships, just not marriage.
I've tried being married twice and I just dont believe in it anymore. One of these days maybe I will find someone out there in the world that I can be happy with, but I dont see that happening in the near future. I just have too much on my plate helping to put Alex's life back together and to give him a good life. Everyone thinks that I should be angry with Beth for what she did to Alex, then thing is last year after she left something change in me....I just can't seem to get angry with anyone. When a situation pops up now that would have stressed me or made me angry in the past, now I just start laughing. And the more stressed that I get, the hard it is for me to stop laughing.
I'm trying to move on with my life, and being angry with her about what she did to Alex just doesnt help make his life better. Someone once asked me my opinion of anyone that would hurt my son, and what I told them was "they can slow roast in hell for all eternity if they hurt my Alex", and as far as I am concerned, she can. But I'm really not angry at her over what she did. She is mentally ill, a pathological liar and sociopath. I think that the only thing that worries her at this point is the question "why dont I care about what I did?". I hope she moves forward with her life and just leaves me and Alex alone. He doesnt need that added stress to make his life any harder than it already is. And the only time thoughts of Beth run across my mind now is when I think about the upcomiing divorce and hoping that I will be sooner rather than later. I just want a clear cut end to that psychotic relationship so I can move forward with my life.
I'm trying to make life better for the both of us. It just gets disheartening at times. Most of the time I'm coping with being alone just fine, then I have my moments where the loneliness gets really bad.