she's backkk.
so, i know i haven't updated this thing in a million years but lately i've been feeling like writing things down. i don't know why, i just have so that puts me here.
i'm not even going to pretend like i'm going to start updating this everyday cause i'm most probably not, and it doesn't really matter.
so many thing have happened since i last updated,
boyfriends have come and gone, i've lost old friends, gained new ones, graduated from high school, moved away from my home and family, everything normal that i've known for my whole life, jobs have come and gone, i've travelled halfway around the world and back, loving every second of it, learned to drive...
but most of all, i've changed, i've grown up, yet still managed to remain a little girl.
i love to dance around and sing like a crazy person,
i love to play games,
i love to travel,
i love to spend time with anyone and everyone.
and at this current moment i have so much love inside of me that i don't know what to do with it.
this feeling might very well disappear by tomorrow but ever since i've graduated i've been through an emotional roller coaster.
and times like these are my favorite. the times when i'm at the top of the world and i don't even know why, i feel like i can do anything in the world, accomplish whatever i set my mind to, and get by with absolutely nothing.
i have the best friends i could ever ask for that will always be by my side, a family that stands behind me and supports me when things get rough no matter what, and a God that guides me through everything in this life...
i'm so blessed and every single day i take things for granted. sometimes we have to take a step back from everything and realize what is truly important. I worry about so many things that don't even really matter in the grand scheme of things but the little things that matter are often unplanned.
late at night i lay in bed for hours on end just thinking about the future and planning it but why? half, no, three fourths of the things i plan out never happen, so why do i bother? i honestly don't know... i'm not saying its bad cause its not, tonight it got me here, trying to put all these crazy thoughts that are bouncing around in my head onto this page, but it's hard because i don't know what to say or where to start. i'm really absolutely speechless, at a loss for words.
all i know is i want to live every day to the fullest, laugh my heart out, and show unconditional love to everyone i meet. i don't want to be scared of the future, i want to embrace it. at the end of the day i don't want to have any regrets or worry about anything. i want to learn something new about someone each and every day, i want to be the someone that people can go to for whatever they need. i know that i may never be able to give everyone the love that they deserve but i want to try. i want people to see the side of me that loves them no matter what they do. too many times i have lost people because i looked down on them and the lifestyles they lived. i dont want to do this anymore. everyone deserves to be loved, to know the kind of love that i know.
at the end of the day i know everything is going to be ok because at the end of the day, my family and friends will still love me. i may not ever have any money, i may never get the dream job, i may not ever get the gorgeous husband, the huge house, or little kids but i will always have love and that's really all that matters.
to all of those people i don't talk to as much as i would like, just know that i haven't forgotten about you, you run through my mind every now and then, i always wonder what your up to and how you've been, i just never call though many times i wish i did.
to everyone i've hurt in the past i'm really sorry, from the bottom of my heart i truly am and i know that i may not ever be able to make it right or fix it but i would do whatever i could.
to all those who have hurt me, just know that i forgive you, and i don't hold a grudge any longer. i'm sorry for being too scared to say anything and closing myself off from you.
to all of those people who are waiting for me to tell you something, i'm desperately trying to get the courage to say it, i often just don't know where to begin.
i'm sick of holding back, of being scared, of worrying about things that don't matter, of letting silly things get me down.
from now on i don't want to complain, i just want to be carefree and thankful for everything i have. because i truly am the luckiest girl in the world. i have everyhting i need to be happy, it's been here beside me and behind me the whole time and i'm just now realizing how great it all is.
to all of my friends and family who have helped me through rough times, i'm here because of you. you have changed my life, you have shaped me into who i am and i love that. you have forever changed my life. even those of you who don't think i know you or remember your name or face, chances are that i do and chances are you run through my mind every now and then, and truth is i have no idea how to thank you.
to all of my new friends, just know that no matter how little i see you or talk to you i love you, i always will love you, and i never will forget you.
once i know you, you're my friend forever, no ifs, ands, or buts about it. if you ever need someone call me and i'll be there.
from now on i'm letting go, i'm letting someone else take control, and i'm just going to live, laugh, and love.