You never let me finish...

[nicky_q]

Yes, yes, and yes.

I am...just like everyone else.

People make mistakes. Big ones! You told me that. I know "I'm sorry" won't make things right. But I am willing to change so I can keep from doing something so selfish, so naive, so out of character again. I'm trying to change. Why wont you try to forgive?

Comments

[nicky_q]

What I did does not show my true character. All it shows is how confused I was. What I am trying to do to fix it shows who I truly am. If I had not said that I felt horrible for what I had done, if I hadn't apologized to the people I hurt, if I hadn't started reading books on building better relationships, if I hadn't gone to see a counselor - that would make me the most self serving bastard in the world.

But I did do all those things. I did, and I am, trying to make things better. I am someone who does do conceited and selfish things without meaning to, but I don't believe that those actions are okay. That shows that I am someone who is willing to recognize when he was wrong, when he wronged others, and who is actually willing to, believe it or not, make a positive effort yo change. People do change. They change all the time. Thats another thing you told me.

You know that I would never do anything to harm you, or anyone around me. But something you very astutely noticed about me very early on is that I make rash decisions and get upset or thrown off quickly. I don't mean for these decisions to hurt people but sometimes they do. Ask almost any of my good friends. They know this. They also know that the true me is someone who has changed a lot.

As much as you may not want it, you know that I love you with every inch of my body and that I would never ever ever do anything to intentionally hurt you. I don't want this to destroy us as friends because frankly, that would just be stupid. Even though we weren't together very long, there was so much genuine compassion and caring there. I still feel so much of it and I want to spend my time making you feel like the beautiful person that you are. It would be ridiculous to throw that away because I made a stupid mistake that I am trying to learn from

It relieves me to know that you are willing to forgive, but forgiveness comes coupled with change. Wisdom is the product of suffering and forgiveness is the product of change. Don't feel stupid to think that I could change, because I've done it before. Everyone has done it before. It is a part of life.

"Nothing endures but change" - Heraclitus

I love you and I'm sorry.

[mattkacz]

I'm glad you can change, but I'm not coming back. Sorry.

[nicky_q]

Look, as an outside observer -- why is Nicky_q taking all the blame? Honestly, it would be extremely improbable that MattKacz did nothing wrong. In fact, I would have to say it is about 50/50.

Nicky_q, you are being too hard on yourself. You are doing a noble thing, changing, examining your actions and may want to continue doing so. Obviously MatKacz cannot accept this, and you need to respect that. It doesn't mean that you aren't worthy or that you don't deserve to be loved, but that he is not the one who deserves you. Do not keep chasing him, because doing so will only cause more hurt for him and you.

Mattkazc, you need to realize that you cannot blame the whole relationship on Nicky_q. Have you realized your 50%? Have you examined what you did and didn't do, have you taken steps to change yourself? Yes, it looks like Nicky_q hurt you, and I know how much pain you must be in right now. But to simply pass it off as his fault entirely is denial, shallow, and weak. And saying "Sorry" is a pretty horrid way of apologizing.

Good luck to the both of you.