end of may! whats happened!?
hey guys! first post (since the celebration) from YOUR Kirov Champion!
haha. thats for ry if he reads. I don't think anyone else cares as much as him ;)
Hey all. Another post! I've finished work i've got ready for bed I was about to shut off the laptop. But a voice in my head said no. Its been nearly a month, I've promised I would update more. Tonights writing is the result
In absolute fairness I have absolutely nothing to write about thats hugely new in my eyes.
Tonight marked the bazillionth time I've had to make sure Ian, along with Karl an a random girl we know called Claire, got in a taxi because Ian had had too much, but it was just... I wana talk about feeling I had in meze tonight. This will seem bizarre to any non nick hallé regular journal reader, but to you old school regs, this nothing out the blue or beiege in ians case :)
I was stood on stage, Claire Ian swaying trying to keep balance, Karl keeping an eye, and I just gazed out to all the people still in there, with beer in hand. An I felt happy. Really f'ing happy an I've not felt that way in a while. Not out the blue like that. I'm sure the feeling is temporary but I've just had a fab time as of late. Several whys.
Main one... this is still indirect source, an me writing this on here usually turns out to be my ultimate jinx but screw it. Jinxes are there to be broken an this year i've broken a few.
I've been told by someone who I cant see why they'd lie, that i've been lined up to be new team leader/assistant manager in reflex along with the girl that told me in question, by september. I'm loving this fact because when I was in Jarcals, I essentially did that job, i counted tills up i stocked bars i dealt with deliveries. the lot. As did Kelly at the time. Fuck did we get credit for it while fatso was scoffing donuts in the cellar, thats a true story.
But I did it then. That was before Laurence met Kelly if you want a timeline...
So yea... I know I could do it then. I spent a long time in spoons. knew I could do it. Got behind promotion wise a lot of staff there, some understandably... some kissass wise not so much but... politics an shit. Jus put in a lot of time I shouldn't have.
End of we all know it ended bad an I dealt very badly with being fired. This is prob first time I've openly written about that. I may have then on journal but... I dunno. Feel like this is the first time.
I remember walking back from maindee, where the meeting was held an I just felt so gutted an disappointed over what was utter bs. I should have bounced back but a voice said I couldn't. Download fesitival I remember a lot of spare moments thinking how i'd let my dad down, or how i wasn't a role model to my sisters, or how Cathys believe in me at the time was not being justified. Friends aside from her too, but she was most openly vocal then...
I couldn't deal. I've put all of that behind me now an im seriously so much more focused. Im determined to make it impossible for them to overlook me for more responsibilities. Im top sales every shift i work more than half of on the bar. Everytime no fail.
Clean up stuff, friends with everyone... little too friendly with some girls (in acceptable terms, despite one bouncer disagreeing... lol)
I jus... feel happy. I need a second job or more hours there an ill be moving out, on great terms, from my dads. Theres 2/3 trips coming up so soon...
Writing this before i was usually mindset that something bad was coming to fudge it all up. Now. Bring it to be honest. I have not been in a real arguement this year. I've been pushed, in all kinda ways an im nearly in June an ive barely lost my temper. I have so much more self belief its, sounding ego/arrogant to you but its jus something I need in myself that I didnt think i'd find again.
I will say its down, a lot, to friends. A lot of friends have been there an supported me through it to varying degrees an prob none more so than Ian Loz, but I dont wana discount how Terri would have her gatherings knowing how it brought people together, or how Ry kept faith with me when he perhaps didnt need to, or how Cathy recently has been very good at being me her again, or Emi with not only helping me get the job but... help me there an jus be the live for the person moment girl i need in a life. I could say a lot more. Ill even thank adam an rhys, for being people that pushed temper to the extreme an, improved my threshold. Im happier as a result of putting up with them two.
Eeverything an everyone is there for a reason.
Thank all them, for doing what they mean to do.
:)
Jus a few steps away from where I want to be now. Really am. An its amazing to say that. Little things mean a lot.
Hangover part two in the cinema with Gaz, Nat, Loz, Ian, Cathy, Dan An Mr Milk himself Ryan hopefully with more is a day I cant wait for. Not just because of film , cinema atmosphere, day off. But fact I can go there with a confidence, a real smile, a sense of direction an feeling... almost. like i belong.
Priceless.
Thanks for reading. Its ranting to some. A lot to me. :) x
haha. thats for ry if he reads. I don't think anyone else cares as much as him ;)
Hey all. Another post! I've finished work i've got ready for bed I was about to shut off the laptop. But a voice in my head said no. Its been nearly a month, I've promised I would update more. Tonights writing is the result
In absolute fairness I have absolutely nothing to write about thats hugely new in my eyes.
Tonight marked the bazillionth time I've had to make sure Ian, along with Karl an a random girl we know called Claire, got in a taxi because Ian had had too much, but it was just... I wana talk about feeling I had in meze tonight. This will seem bizarre to any non nick hallé regular journal reader, but to you old school regs, this nothing out the blue or beiege in ians case :)
I was stood on stage, Claire Ian swaying trying to keep balance, Karl keeping an eye, and I just gazed out to all the people still in there, with beer in hand. An I felt happy. Really f'ing happy an I've not felt that way in a while. Not out the blue like that. I'm sure the feeling is temporary but I've just had a fab time as of late. Several whys.
Main one... this is still indirect source, an me writing this on here usually turns out to be my ultimate jinx but screw it. Jinxes are there to be broken an this year i've broken a few.
I've been told by someone who I cant see why they'd lie, that i've been lined up to be new team leader/assistant manager in reflex along with the girl that told me in question, by september. I'm loving this fact because when I was in Jarcals, I essentially did that job, i counted tills up i stocked bars i dealt with deliveries. the lot. As did Kelly at the time. Fuck did we get credit for it while fatso was scoffing donuts in the cellar, thats a true story.
But I did it then. That was before Laurence met Kelly if you want a timeline...
So yea... I know I could do it then. I spent a long time in spoons. knew I could do it. Got behind promotion wise a lot of staff there, some understandably... some kissass wise not so much but... politics an shit. Jus put in a lot of time I shouldn't have.
End of we all know it ended bad an I dealt very badly with being fired. This is prob first time I've openly written about that. I may have then on journal but... I dunno. Feel like this is the first time.
I remember walking back from maindee, where the meeting was held an I just felt so gutted an disappointed over what was utter bs. I should have bounced back but a voice said I couldn't. Download fesitival I remember a lot of spare moments thinking how i'd let my dad down, or how i wasn't a role model to my sisters, or how Cathys believe in me at the time was not being justified. Friends aside from her too, but she was most openly vocal then...
I couldn't deal. I've put all of that behind me now an im seriously so much more focused. Im determined to make it impossible for them to overlook me for more responsibilities. Im top sales every shift i work more than half of on the bar. Everytime no fail.
Clean up stuff, friends with everyone... little too friendly with some girls (in acceptable terms, despite one bouncer disagreeing... lol)
I jus... feel happy. I need a second job or more hours there an ill be moving out, on great terms, from my dads. Theres 2/3 trips coming up so soon...
Writing this before i was usually mindset that something bad was coming to fudge it all up. Now. Bring it to be honest. I have not been in a real arguement this year. I've been pushed, in all kinda ways an im nearly in June an ive barely lost my temper. I have so much more self belief its, sounding ego/arrogant to you but its jus something I need in myself that I didnt think i'd find again.
I will say its down, a lot, to friends. A lot of friends have been there an supported me through it to varying degrees an prob none more so than Ian Loz, but I dont wana discount how Terri would have her gatherings knowing how it brought people together, or how Ry kept faith with me when he perhaps didnt need to, or how Cathy recently has been very good at being me her again, or Emi with not only helping me get the job but... help me there an jus be the live for the person moment girl i need in a life. I could say a lot more. Ill even thank adam an rhys, for being people that pushed temper to the extreme an, improved my threshold. Im happier as a result of putting up with them two.
Eeverything an everyone is there for a reason.
Thank all them, for doing what they mean to do.
:)
Jus a few steps away from where I want to be now. Really am. An its amazing to say that. Little things mean a lot.
Hangover part two in the cinema with Gaz, Nat, Loz, Ian, Cathy, Dan An Mr Milk himself Ryan hopefully with more is a day I cant wait for. Not just because of film , cinema atmosphere, day off. But fact I can go there with a confidence, a real smile, a sense of direction an feeling... almost. like i belong.
Priceless.
Thanks for reading. Its ranting to some. A lot to me. :) x