Alone
When you truly are alone, especially during the night when the shadows of trees dance from side to side on your ceiling, the lights of cars darting from one side of the room to the other. The only comfort coming from the window fan, whose constant waning is that which millions of us fall asleep to every night. The wind slightly blows outside and you can her the symphonies of the masses of crickets leaping from patchy grass to thickety bushes. We have all experienced these things at least once in our lives because we have all been truly alone once in our lives. But when you truly are alone. When you close your eyes and to see the looks and expressions of the one you love staring back at you. When these looks and expressions haunt your dreams. When the very thought of going to sleep brings grief and distress to your heart. When you stay awake as long as your body can just to keep from closing your eyes. When your only comfort comes from the snuggling of a pillow. Then you know that you are truly alone. Life hasn’t always been like this. When we were all much younger we remember the nights we used to sleep in the beds of our parents, sisters, brothers even pets. The warmth of someone ells. The constant rising and falling of someone’s chest against your back. The warm breath on the back of your neck or the slight sound of their breathing in your ear. All of these are just enough to comfort us. It seamed enough to make us feel safe, and loved. Enough to make us feel like we aren’t alone. But when you get older, that’s when the thought of being alone really sets in. When you’re too old to have a stuffed animal, when you’re too old to sleep in your parents bed. It’s older when we start to think. When the past is exactly that... the past. It’s when the lonely days of our past expose themselves. The thought of being alone is enough to make us never actually want to be alone. A women will stay with a man who constantly beats her. A man will stay with a women who has no intentions of remaining faithful to him. Is it because there is love? If the man hits you every night. If he rapes you until the smell of his sweat and semen never goes away. Is there really love? Or are you just afraid that being alone is worst then anything that man can do to you? And if that women openly mocks you, if she never was faithful to you, if she uses you for money and material possessions. Is there really love there? Why don’t you leave her? It’s because you’re afraid of being alone. The thought of actually being alone is terrifying to think of. To fall asleep alone, to wake up alone. No one to hold you when the day was to rough. No one to comfort you when life is too much to bear. No one to protect you from the horrors. No one to be there when you wake up screaming in the middle of the night, sweat pouring down your chest, gasping for breath. It’s at these times that companionship comes to mind. The times when you are afraid of being alone. The wife, the husband, the girlfriend or boyfriend, even the best friend. The people that will hug you back. The people who will pull you in tight when the shadows off the wall jump from eye to eye. The friends who are there for you when you call them at 2AM. By now you are thinking, where am I going with this? What does this have to do with my life? Maybe it has nothing to do with your life. Maybe it’s just me, just my life. Maybe Im the lonely one. Maybe I am the one who feels alone, used, betrayed, and raped. Maybe it’s me who wakes up screaming at 1AM, as the terrors close in around me. Maybe it myself who is alone. Maybe this has nothing to do with you. But remember... always remember that you were here at one time in your life. You have felt the way I feel. You also have fought the terrors alone. You have also laid awake at night afraid to sleep. Whether it is the love of the people you can’t get out of your mind. Whether it is the drunk husband who stumbles in at 1Am. Or it could be the spouse who just doesn’t understand anything about you. Or maybe, it’s just the boyfriend who just doesn’t realize, or notice the heavenly gift that was given to them. But at one point or another, now or in the future, they will realize what it is to be alone. They will then realize that they weren’t truly happy unless they were with you, unless they weren’t alone. And that’s what being alone is really about. Realizing that at some point you had it all. At some point you were happy. You weren’t alone. But then you realized that at some point, somewhere you went wrong. You lied, you cheated, and you just gave up. These mistakes are made by us all. If you haven’t made these mistakes, you will. And then, when you are aloe. Truly alone. Only then will you want the protection, the comfort, and the love of not being alone anymore. Only then will you realize what you had. I had it, but I made mistakes. I did something I can never take back. That is why I am truly alone. But I have faith. I have faith that one day there will be someone in place of that pillow that I cuddle every night. If you find yourself standing alone staring down the terrors of the night, remember that you are never truly alone. Because whoever you are and wherever you may be, I will be there to stand with you. Whether you are my friend, . Whether you are the person I once lied to. Or whether you are someone I have never met. I have suffered being alone, and I will never let someone suffer being alone. When you need me, I will be there. Because now that you have read this you are now one of the lucky few who never truly will ever be alone.