(no subject)
I know you've all been anxiously anticipating another installment of "Things I Know (and Love) About Nickole." So here it is. As always, all of these facts are 110% true and sanitized for your protection.
Nickole's socks are made of elf hair.
Nickole once climbed Mount Everest in a single afternoon by herself, but the endeavor was so un-challenging she became bored and didn't bother to enjoy the view when she reached the summit.
Nickole single-handedly protects the planet from an invasion of the molten rock people.
Nickole can cut hair but she won't because if anybody ever witnessed the glory of her hair-cutting prowess, it would instantly put the SuperCuts chain out of business and send our economy into a tailspin.
Nickole has been to Myrtle Beach.
Nickole wears a brown orthopedic shoe because she has a bad case of the gout.
Nickole braids people's butt hair with her teeth.
Nickole brutally controls Neo-Tokyo with her incredible mind-powers with Kanada as her second-hand man.
Nickole is also the last heiress to the throne of Laputa.
Nickole spends her alternate Tuesday evenings over dinner with John C. Reilly.
Nickole was selected for the number one slot in Animal Planet's "Most Extreme Animal Top 10 Countdown," but she refused the spot because she feels anything to do with basic cable is beneath her.
Nickole knows what you're thinking, and she strongly disapproves.
Nickole has an alarm clock in the shape of a pink 1967 Cadillac.
Nickole was the chief architect behind the Spanish-American War.
Nickole has undergone the cruel tutelage of Pai-Mai. After the ordeal, she mentioned that she found the experience "pedestrian."
Nickole claims to like Pepsi more than Coke, but whenever given a choice between the two, she invariably chooses Coke.
Nickole hates every person of a different gender, race, creed or sexual orientation other than her own, but claims it isn't racist because she has the ability to change the definitions of words simply by flexing her will.
For a small fee, Nickole was design an eye-catching banner for your business.
Nickole was raised by highly intelligent chimps deep in the jungles of Africa and was crowned "King of the Jungle." She abdicated the thrown, however, to pursue her dream of becoming an interpretive dancer. Later, when her career fell through, she proclaimed interpretive dance to be "gay." That proclamation still stands.
Nickole is composed entirely of dark matter.
If you were to ask Nickole what religion she was, she would pull out your eyes and turn them around so you would see your own brain before you died. She doesn't do this because of any adversity to religion, but rather for shits and giggles.
Nickole removed Terri Schiavo's feeding tube.
Nickole keeps Napoleon's penis in a mayonnaise jar full of formaldehyde and stores it under her hat boxes in her closet.
Nickole has been asked to appear on "Hardball" seven hundred and sixty three times, but declined every time because she insists Chris Mathews has a hairy back.
Well I guess this will have to do it for this installment, for I am late, I am late for a very important date... with a razor and a homemade stencil of Nickole's initials. Until next time...
Nickole's socks are made of elf hair.
Nickole once climbed Mount Everest in a single afternoon by herself, but the endeavor was so un-challenging she became bored and didn't bother to enjoy the view when she reached the summit.
Nickole single-handedly protects the planet from an invasion of the molten rock people.
Nickole can cut hair but she won't because if anybody ever witnessed the glory of her hair-cutting prowess, it would instantly put the SuperCuts chain out of business and send our economy into a tailspin.
Nickole has been to Myrtle Beach.
Nickole wears a brown orthopedic shoe because she has a bad case of the gout.
Nickole braids people's butt hair with her teeth.
Nickole brutally controls Neo-Tokyo with her incredible mind-powers with Kanada as her second-hand man.
Nickole is also the last heiress to the throne of Laputa.
Nickole spends her alternate Tuesday evenings over dinner with John C. Reilly.
Nickole was selected for the number one slot in Animal Planet's "Most Extreme Animal Top 10 Countdown," but she refused the spot because she feels anything to do with basic cable is beneath her.
Nickole knows what you're thinking, and she strongly disapproves.
Nickole has an alarm clock in the shape of a pink 1967 Cadillac.
Nickole was the chief architect behind the Spanish-American War.
Nickole has undergone the cruel tutelage of Pai-Mai. After the ordeal, she mentioned that she found the experience "pedestrian."
Nickole claims to like Pepsi more than Coke, but whenever given a choice between the two, she invariably chooses Coke.
Nickole hates every person of a different gender, race, creed or sexual orientation other than her own, but claims it isn't racist because she has the ability to change the definitions of words simply by flexing her will.
For a small fee, Nickole was design an eye-catching banner for your business.
Nickole was raised by highly intelligent chimps deep in the jungles of Africa and was crowned "King of the Jungle." She abdicated the thrown, however, to pursue her dream of becoming an interpretive dancer. Later, when her career fell through, she proclaimed interpretive dance to be "gay." That proclamation still stands.
Nickole is composed entirely of dark matter.
If you were to ask Nickole what religion she was, she would pull out your eyes and turn them around so you would see your own brain before you died. She doesn't do this because of any adversity to religion, but rather for shits and giggles.
Nickole removed Terri Schiavo's feeding tube.
Nickole keeps Napoleon's penis in a mayonnaise jar full of formaldehyde and stores it under her hat boxes in her closet.
Nickole has been asked to appear on "Hardball" seven hundred and sixty three times, but declined every time because she insists Chris Mathews has a hairy back.
Well I guess this will have to do it for this installment, for I am late, I am late for a very important date... with a razor and a homemade stencil of Nickole's initials. Until next time...