Playing Pretend
Title: Playing Pretend
Pairing: Greg/Nick
Rating: R
Content: M/M Relationships & Sex (not in this chapter though), AUish, Angst
Part: 6 of ?
Disclaimer: I don’t own anyone.
Summary: Nick tries to find his way out of his own mind. Set after Season 6.
**All text in italics is a flashback**
Nick stood in the back yard of the house he and Warrick had been assigned to with his head cocked to one side as he studied the bottom of the house and the ivy at its corner. It was dark and he supposed that it could be the darkness that was making it look odd, but he had a feeling like something was under that ivy growing across the ground. After all why use the board when it could just grow across the dirt, right? Kneeling down Nick found the board lifted and was surprised and dismayed to find doors underneath. For a moment his attention was caught on those wooden doors knowing they could only lead one place. His mind screamed at him not to go down. All he had to do was call Warrick and he would go down into the cellar to check for evidence, but the more stubborn part of his brain reasoned that he had to do it himself. It was time to stop being scared all the time. There wasn’t anything down there to be afraid of.
Turning his head Nick saw the officer that had accompanied him into the back yard had left him alone and he swallowed heavily before reaching out a hand to grasp one of the doors handles pulling up. It was not an easy task. The combination of the hinged board and the heavy cellar door made it an awkward process and again Nick’s head told him not to do this, but he stubbornly ignored it and finally made his way through and down into the cellar.
He tried to ignore the sound of the doors banging shut as he stepped off the stairs and into the blackness of the cellar his hand gripping his flashlight tightly. “You can do this Stokes, no sweat man.” Thinking he should have at least told Warrick where he was going Nick took out his cell, but saw that he was getting no signal and reluctantly put it away. The panic was building inside of him and it seemed that the harder he tried to fight it off the more it built. The beam from his light moved around the room at a dizzying pace, but his ravaged mind didn’t connect it with the fact that this was because he was turning in fast circles. His chest ached and he could feel the sweat running off his forehead. Somewhere a voice told him he needed to get out of there, but when he tried to find the way back up he couldn’t because the room seemed to have closed in around him. Dizzy he found himself falling and suddenly everything went black as the flashlight fell to the ground turning itself off as it hit the hard dirt floor.
Sitting up and pulling his knees up to his chest Nick squeezed his eyes shut telling himself he needed to find the flashlight and get out of there, but it was too late. Lowering his head to rest on his knees as he rocked only one thing was making its way through the terror that had frozen his mind. As he rocked slowly back and forth he cried out Greg’s name over and over until he stopped recognizing anything at all.
Slowly Nick became aware of a new voice soft and familiar making its way through the darkness he’d found himself trapped in. Somewhere in his mind he sensed a slight pressure on his arm and something whispered inside of his head that someone was touching him, but still his battered senses refused to believe that someone was there with him.
His world seemed to tilt, but he didn’t recognize that Greg had put his arm around him and pulled him to lie on his side so that his head would rest against Greg’s chest or that he’d taken the object offered to him earlier, and the flashlight clenched in his hand. Eventually he felt something running through his hair gently and as his body began to shake he felt another slight pressure on his temple.
“It’s ok Nicky. You’re safe. You aren’t alone anymore. You just relax and when you’re ready we’ll leave this Popsicle stand. Speaking of popsicles did I ever tell you about the time…”
Nick squeezed his eyes shut as it became harder and harder to ignore the sound of the other voice in his head. He heard the whimpering and wondered about the wounded animal, wishing someone would help it- not realizing the sound was himself and not an animal at all. Slowly thoughts of Greg came to him even though he didn’t recognize it was his arms he was safe in, not even recognizing he was in anyone’s arms at all just knowing that if Greg was there he could make it safe again.
“Greg… G… Greg… please… make it safe... please G,” Nick moaned over and over until Greg’s heart shattered in a million pieces and tears ran down his face. He could faintly hear the sounds of crying from the stairs and wondered if it was Sara, but couldn’t worry about that now. Tightening his grip Greg continued on, his voice growing husky and horse, but he wasn’t about to give up now that he was finally making some headway.
Above ground Grissom crouched at the cellar opening with Catherine and Warrick on either side and just being him. Catherine was crying softly listening as Greg’s soft voice rose up from the cellar, hearing Nick, hearing Sara’s quiet cries at the bottom of the stairs. None of them spoke however too caught up in the events taking place down in the cellar. Warrick’s hand moved up and down Catherine’s back at an attempt of comfort but neither acknowledged it.
“And all of a sudden Patrick comes running out of the showers butt assed naked screaming at the top of his lungs that his dick had turned green! I swear Nicky it was the funniest thing I have ever seen! The idiot thought his dick was rotting! Can you believe it? Stupid jocks… not that I think all jocks are stupid Nicky… you just happen to be an expectation that's all a fine specimen amongst the species if I must say. Don’t worry though I won’t let Griss put you on one of his shelves. Speaking of species did I tell you about this special I saw on discovery about…”
Curling up tight Nick shook his head trying to fight the force that was pulling him back to the bad place not wanting to find himself in that damned cellar all alone. But all at once the voice and the touch fit into place with the name he’d been crying out for over and over for the last 20 minutes. Stilling he opened his eyes carefully and realized that the dark cellar wasn’t so dark. Then soon after became aware that he was being cradled in Greg’s arms. “G…Greg?”
Pausing mid sentence Greg loosened his hold as Nick sat up and turned to look at him somewhat confused. “What… how…” Before he could straighten out the words Nick found himself wrapped up safely in Greg’s arms again not recognizing yet that he’d thrown himself there as his mind wasn’t quite up to speed with his body yet. All he knew was that the dark wasn’t as dark anymore and the one person he’d needed was there holding him, making the bad things go away. Sobs tore from his heart and soul as he clutched at the younger man babbling endless sentences that ran together and were made unintelligible by his accent normally hidden, but suddenly out in full force.
“You came,” he finally whispered, his head buried in the crook of Greg’s neck and felt the other man’s head bob in a nod.
“Of course I came, Nicky. You needed me. What else would I do?” Greg asked and the quiet curiosity of the question penetrated the last remnants of Nick’s panic sending it back into its hiding place. Suddenly embarrassed Nick straightened and wiped his face off with his hands.
“I’m a fool,” he muttered hugging himself tightly, but found his gaze lifted to Greg’s face. “Never,” he heard the younger man say and the intensity, the honesty, and the heartfelt truthfulness of that single word managed to serve as a balm to begin the healing of his ragged mind and nerves. “We’re all terrified of something Nick. Some day soon you and I are going to talk and it will be my turn to be scared out of my mind and your turn to anchor me to reality, to chase all the ghosts and monsters away. You have nothing more to be embarrassed about than any other human being and if anyone has a problem with it they can take it up with me.”
Carefully Nicky smiled and at the top of the stairs Grissom’s own lips curved upward slightly as he drew Catherine and Warrick away giving Nick some privacy for when he came up. Sara’s presence would be hard enough for Nick to handle, he didn’t need to know at that very moment how many of his friends had been witness to his breakdown. Besides it was quite obvious that Greg was all he really needed.
TBC
Pairing: Greg/Nick
Rating: R
Content: M/M Relationships & Sex (not in this chapter though), AUish, Angst
Part: 6 of ?
Disclaimer: I don’t own anyone.
Summary: Nick tries to find his way out of his own mind. Set after Season 6.
**All text in italics is a flashback**
Nick stood in the back yard of the house he and Warrick had been assigned to with his head cocked to one side as he studied the bottom of the house and the ivy at its corner. It was dark and he supposed that it could be the darkness that was making it look odd, but he had a feeling like something was under that ivy growing across the ground. After all why use the board when it could just grow across the dirt, right? Kneeling down Nick found the board lifted and was surprised and dismayed to find doors underneath. For a moment his attention was caught on those wooden doors knowing they could only lead one place. His mind screamed at him not to go down. All he had to do was call Warrick and he would go down into the cellar to check for evidence, but the more stubborn part of his brain reasoned that he had to do it himself. It was time to stop being scared all the time. There wasn’t anything down there to be afraid of.
Turning his head Nick saw the officer that had accompanied him into the back yard had left him alone and he swallowed heavily before reaching out a hand to grasp one of the doors handles pulling up. It was not an easy task. The combination of the hinged board and the heavy cellar door made it an awkward process and again Nick’s head told him not to do this, but he stubbornly ignored it and finally made his way through and down into the cellar.
He tried to ignore the sound of the doors banging shut as he stepped off the stairs and into the blackness of the cellar his hand gripping his flashlight tightly. “You can do this Stokes, no sweat man.” Thinking he should have at least told Warrick where he was going Nick took out his cell, but saw that he was getting no signal and reluctantly put it away. The panic was building inside of him and it seemed that the harder he tried to fight it off the more it built. The beam from his light moved around the room at a dizzying pace, but his ravaged mind didn’t connect it with the fact that this was because he was turning in fast circles. His chest ached and he could feel the sweat running off his forehead. Somewhere a voice told him he needed to get out of there, but when he tried to find the way back up he couldn’t because the room seemed to have closed in around him. Dizzy he found himself falling and suddenly everything went black as the flashlight fell to the ground turning itself off as it hit the hard dirt floor.
Sitting up and pulling his knees up to his chest Nick squeezed his eyes shut telling himself he needed to find the flashlight and get out of there, but it was too late. Lowering his head to rest on his knees as he rocked only one thing was making its way through the terror that had frozen his mind. As he rocked slowly back and forth he cried out Greg’s name over and over until he stopped recognizing anything at all.
Slowly Nick became aware of a new voice soft and familiar making its way through the darkness he’d found himself trapped in. Somewhere in his mind he sensed a slight pressure on his arm and something whispered inside of his head that someone was touching him, but still his battered senses refused to believe that someone was there with him.
His world seemed to tilt, but he didn’t recognize that Greg had put his arm around him and pulled him to lie on his side so that his head would rest against Greg’s chest or that he’d taken the object offered to him earlier, and the flashlight clenched in his hand. Eventually he felt something running through his hair gently and as his body began to shake he felt another slight pressure on his temple.
“It’s ok Nicky. You’re safe. You aren’t alone anymore. You just relax and when you’re ready we’ll leave this Popsicle stand. Speaking of popsicles did I ever tell you about the time…”
Nick squeezed his eyes shut as it became harder and harder to ignore the sound of the other voice in his head. He heard the whimpering and wondered about the wounded animal, wishing someone would help it- not realizing the sound was himself and not an animal at all. Slowly thoughts of Greg came to him even though he didn’t recognize it was his arms he was safe in, not even recognizing he was in anyone’s arms at all just knowing that if Greg was there he could make it safe again.
“Greg… G… Greg… please… make it safe... please G,” Nick moaned over and over until Greg’s heart shattered in a million pieces and tears ran down his face. He could faintly hear the sounds of crying from the stairs and wondered if it was Sara, but couldn’t worry about that now. Tightening his grip Greg continued on, his voice growing husky and horse, but he wasn’t about to give up now that he was finally making some headway.
Above ground Grissom crouched at the cellar opening with Catherine and Warrick on either side and just being him. Catherine was crying softly listening as Greg’s soft voice rose up from the cellar, hearing Nick, hearing Sara’s quiet cries at the bottom of the stairs. None of them spoke however too caught up in the events taking place down in the cellar. Warrick’s hand moved up and down Catherine’s back at an attempt of comfort but neither acknowledged it.
“And all of a sudden Patrick comes running out of the showers butt assed naked screaming at the top of his lungs that his dick had turned green! I swear Nicky it was the funniest thing I have ever seen! The idiot thought his dick was rotting! Can you believe it? Stupid jocks… not that I think all jocks are stupid Nicky… you just happen to be an expectation that's all a fine specimen amongst the species if I must say. Don’t worry though I won’t let Griss put you on one of his shelves. Speaking of species did I tell you about this special I saw on discovery about…”
Curling up tight Nick shook his head trying to fight the force that was pulling him back to the bad place not wanting to find himself in that damned cellar all alone. But all at once the voice and the touch fit into place with the name he’d been crying out for over and over for the last 20 minutes. Stilling he opened his eyes carefully and realized that the dark cellar wasn’t so dark. Then soon after became aware that he was being cradled in Greg’s arms. “G…Greg?”
Pausing mid sentence Greg loosened his hold as Nick sat up and turned to look at him somewhat confused. “What… how…” Before he could straighten out the words Nick found himself wrapped up safely in Greg’s arms again not recognizing yet that he’d thrown himself there as his mind wasn’t quite up to speed with his body yet. All he knew was that the dark wasn’t as dark anymore and the one person he’d needed was there holding him, making the bad things go away. Sobs tore from his heart and soul as he clutched at the younger man babbling endless sentences that ran together and were made unintelligible by his accent normally hidden, but suddenly out in full force.
“You came,” he finally whispered, his head buried in the crook of Greg’s neck and felt the other man’s head bob in a nod.
“Of course I came, Nicky. You needed me. What else would I do?” Greg asked and the quiet curiosity of the question penetrated the last remnants of Nick’s panic sending it back into its hiding place. Suddenly embarrassed Nick straightened and wiped his face off with his hands.
“I’m a fool,” he muttered hugging himself tightly, but found his gaze lifted to Greg’s face. “Never,” he heard the younger man say and the intensity, the honesty, and the heartfelt truthfulness of that single word managed to serve as a balm to begin the healing of his ragged mind and nerves. “We’re all terrified of something Nick. Some day soon you and I are going to talk and it will be my turn to be scared out of my mind and your turn to anchor me to reality, to chase all the ghosts and monsters away. You have nothing more to be embarrassed about than any other human being and if anyone has a problem with it they can take it up with me.”
Carefully Nicky smiled and at the top of the stairs Grissom’s own lips curved upward slightly as he drew Catherine and Warrick away giving Nick some privacy for when he came up. Sara’s presence would be hard enough for Nick to handle, he didn’t need to know at that very moment how many of his friends had been witness to his breakdown. Besides it was quite obvious that Greg was all he really needed.
TBC