(no subject)
1. "If I had some duct tape, I could fix that."
- MacGyver
2. "You always show up, no appointment! Dr. Chen not Jiffy Lube! Come back Friday."
- Eli Stone, chickwithmonkey
3. [Character 1]: "There is no such thing as phone cops!"
[Character 2]: "Oh, sure. Cover for them."
3b. "As God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly."
- WKRP in Cincinnati, ladysorka
4. "As far as I'm concerned, bacon comes from a magical happy place."
- John Doe
5. "Oooh, waffles! Woo-hoo!"
5b. "Flying Man!"
- Heroes, elflore
6. "Bristol College, we met at the St. James Club, you come from a wealthy family of New Zealand sheep herders, if she asks for details tell them that they were all tragically killed in an avalanche. Whoosh."
6b. "Row 8, plot 30."
- La Femme Nikita
7. "Bad house. Bad."
7b. "Let me come at this another way - do you know where your Sarah Michelle Gellar doll is? Because I do, and if I have to, I will go get it out of your desk and show it to those nice people."
- Eureka
8. "It only took the bears two hours."
8b. "Okay, that thing in the woods, maybe it's a monster, maybe it's a pissed-off giraffe, I don't know!"
- Lost
9. "You're working that olive like it'd bought you jewelry."
9b. "I'm waiting for my testicles. They should be dropping in any minute."
- Space: Above and Beyond
10. "Awesome."
10b. "Ahh! Not pretty! Ugly!"
10c. "Right then, I'm gonna fix some hard drives. Good luck with the spy stuff."
- Chuck, serendipityxxi
11. "Penguins are cute and all, but if you cooked one, I'd eat it."
- The Class, tarzanic
12. "And in prison math, I believe fourteen equals 5 to 10?"
12b. "The last time I got a present at this hospital is when the helicopter fell on Romano."
- ER, fourteenlines
13. [conspiratorial whisper] "I'm stealing New Jersey!"
13b. [ironically, from the same episode] "I can't help. Nobody can help. That facility is not going to reopen, and I'll tell you why: there is no money! There's no money because the federal government cut taxes, which is all anybody seems to care about anymore. That means less money for the state, which means less money for the city, which means we had to cut services, which means fewer cops, fewer firemen, bad air, bad water and crappy schools which will turn out another generation of voters too stupid and greedy to care about anything else besides cutting taxes! So don't you come in here and tell me to fix your problem, because there's not a DAMN THING I CAN DO ABOUT IT!"
- Becker
14. [creepy-creepy taunt] "What's a Gayle?"
- High Incident
15. From inside a septic tank: "Are you a religious man, Les? I'm about to become one. I'm going to be real good for the rest of my life because I don't want to come here when I die."
- Dirty Jobs