It's Like a Drug
Every Day I wake up feeling like shit. If i dont work out every day I feel so shitty. It's like i get so angry. I feel a serge of bad energy build in my body that i feel like crushing something. I just want to birst into a fight, and for no reason either. It is like all this bad energy inside me. Every morning i get up really early to work out and after i do that i turn instantly happy. I use all my flames and push myself really hard in the gym that i feel so good afterwards. And after that the rest of the day is cake, i feel great. I think this is cause of the hormones i need from working out or something chemically because i feel instantly crappy if i dont work out and i dont no why.
This all started i think from after Brian died. I used to go upstairs with my own weights and just cry nonstop. I would listen to sad music and cry while i worked out. I would work out so hard and cry at the same time hoping that it would bring Brian back. I would think that if sacrificed myself brian would someday comeback. But the tears just kept coming and my muscles would just break. I would work out until my muscles couldn't do it anymore and they would tare. After i worked out by crying and tareing my muscles i would feel good again and beable to last the day without crying, but i would do this everyday. Eventually the cries stopped but the working out each day continued and probably will coninue for the rest of my life. And now my body is ripped and i am proud of myself for getting through it, i would of probably cut myself or done something worse to myself if i didnt work out so harshly. I needed the pain and breaking down of my body to make me feel good. But now i work out properly and good for my body. I am proud of myself, i can look in the mirror and see my muscles which symbolize all the pain and suffering i've went through and where i am today. I am on the right track, i take protein, gludamine, and am now starting to take creatine.
I made it.
This all started i think from after Brian died. I used to go upstairs with my own weights and just cry nonstop. I would listen to sad music and cry while i worked out. I would work out so hard and cry at the same time hoping that it would bring Brian back. I would think that if sacrificed myself brian would someday comeback. But the tears just kept coming and my muscles would just break. I would work out until my muscles couldn't do it anymore and they would tare. After i worked out by crying and tareing my muscles i would feel good again and beable to last the day without crying, but i would do this everyday. Eventually the cries stopped but the working out each day continued and probably will coninue for the rest of my life. And now my body is ripped and i am proud of myself for getting through it, i would of probably cut myself or done something worse to myself if i didnt work out so harshly. I needed the pain and breaking down of my body to make me feel good. But now i work out properly and good for my body. I am proud of myself, i can look in the mirror and see my muscles which symbolize all the pain and suffering i've went through and where i am today. I am on the right track, i take protein, gludamine, and am now starting to take creatine.
I made it.