jumping on the bandwagon - take two
why not? post anonymously what you think about me, whether it be good or bad. tell me what you honestly think, because i do want to try and connect with more people. recently i've been out of it, and i want to change that.
private
i don't even know what to say. i'm just like, what the fuck. i don't even know what happened, to be completely honest. one second selena's barely talking to me and the next second she's wasted and spilling everything and i felt like the biggest jerk of all time. like, i know it was a pretty fuckish thing that i did to her, breaking up with her with no notice and no explanation, but still. it was really fucking bad. and she wrote in her journal that she wanted to talk to me. i know that's what i should want and i know that probably means going down the road to gaining her trust and getting back to something with her, but what if it doesn't?
that's what i'm the most afraid of, i think. that selena won't ever trust me again, and we'll be stranded in this fucked up place we're at, being all awkward and shit. joe tells me that i need to just take my time and gradually build up a trust thing with her, which is really good advice in this case, i know, but what if it never happens? what if she decides i've put her through enough and she doesn't want to trust me anymore? if i was in her place, i don't think i could trust myself. i acted stupidly and now i'm paying for it. i really want to know how much of the other night she actually remembers. i was kind of hoping for her being too drunk to remember much, then me eventually being able to fill her in on it all and talk to her once i figured out what i wanted to say.