nicholas, where have you beeeen??
Alright. So I'm sure as all of you know, I never really update this.
and it's always usually something bad. so get ready.
Okay, so things have really been going down hill lately...
My grades are slipping, I'm following a love that doesn't exist...I'm turning into a dependent worry wort.
I just don't want everything to come to an end so soon. I'm not talking suicide, I'm just saying everything falling out of place. Throwing my life into disorder, and taking things to a new level that I don't want to happen.
Being in an environment full of glamor, art, and hardcore drugs seems like a temporary paradise right? With it's positives and negatives.
Right now I feel like that is what my life is coming to.
The beginning the middle and the end of a hiatus of hell bent excitement.
I just can't get used to and accept that things are not going to go my way if I don't make them right.
I don't want to fall into the world of vicious drugs and spending money frivolously.
Becoming a slut who fucks whoever he met online. I do not want to be that person.
All I want to do is be happy with who I am, without substances making me feel that way.
I know so many people who have done those things, and used things to make them feel better.
take it out, ingest, intake, and release chemicals to enforce a good feeling about your body for the moment.
My life is just a mess right now. I am seriously thinking I need some professional help. I need a fresh pair of eyes and ears to listen to what I have to say and evaluate what is being processed by my mind as I know it. Nothing feels like it's going to get better. Unless fate wants it to. I'm just a wreck and need some stability...I want to find that person who wants to get to know ME for once. I'm tired of always meeting people and thinking something great might become of our relationship and then having everything crumble down around me in a pile of dust. Sending all those memories and emotions to the back of my mind...
I'm just not appreciative of how materialistic our world has become. People talking about other people, starting romours about things that are not true, and thinking things that are not meant to be thought. I know it's going to happen to all of us, we all have problems and issues but it doesn't have to be this complicated.
I don't know how to escape from all these problems that keep prying their way into my life.
I just wish I didn't feel towards others. With any emotion. Or seeing things and looking for things that are not there. It seems to be a huge problem of mine. I don't think or feel like there is anyone out there who thinks the way I do. I always seem to be over analyzing things and situations and JESUS it is killing me.
i don't know what to do.
and it's always usually something bad. so get ready.
Okay, so things have really been going down hill lately...
My grades are slipping, I'm following a love that doesn't exist...I'm turning into a dependent worry wort.
I just don't want everything to come to an end so soon. I'm not talking suicide, I'm just saying everything falling out of place. Throwing my life into disorder, and taking things to a new level that I don't want to happen.
Being in an environment full of glamor, art, and hardcore drugs seems like a temporary paradise right? With it's positives and negatives.
Right now I feel like that is what my life is coming to.
The beginning the middle and the end of a hiatus of hell bent excitement.
I just can't get used to and accept that things are not going to go my way if I don't make them right.
I don't want to fall into the world of vicious drugs and spending money frivolously.
Becoming a slut who fucks whoever he met online. I do not want to be that person.
All I want to do is be happy with who I am, without substances making me feel that way.
I know so many people who have done those things, and used things to make them feel better.
take it out, ingest, intake, and release chemicals to enforce a good feeling about your body for the moment.
My life is just a mess right now. I am seriously thinking I need some professional help. I need a fresh pair of eyes and ears to listen to what I have to say and evaluate what is being processed by my mind as I know it. Nothing feels like it's going to get better. Unless fate wants it to. I'm just a wreck and need some stability...I want to find that person who wants to get to know ME for once. I'm tired of always meeting people and thinking something great might become of our relationship and then having everything crumble down around me in a pile of dust. Sending all those memories and emotions to the back of my mind...
I'm just not appreciative of how materialistic our world has become. People talking about other people, starting romours about things that are not true, and thinking things that are not meant to be thought. I know it's going to happen to all of us, we all have problems and issues but it doesn't have to be this complicated.
I don't know how to escape from all these problems that keep prying their way into my life.
I just wish I didn't feel towards others. With any emotion. Or seeing things and looking for things that are not there. It seems to be a huge problem of mine. I don't think or feel like there is anyone out there who thinks the way I do. I always seem to be over analyzing things and situations and JESUS it is killing me.
i don't know what to do.