Why do I miss them now more then other times of the year........?

[nickie314]

I have really been missing all of my friends in San Diego for the last few months. I wonder if it is because i was down there in May and got to see most of them that I am now having withdraws? Or is it summer that I miss them? Because during fall and winter and spring most of them are in school or working a lot and just don't have a lot of free time but in the summer they did. So I saw more of them in the summer.... Hmm..... Or maybe I just miss them ...... :*(. I mean I have been making friends here recently but ..... Its not the familarity that I had with all of my friends in San Diego and I know it needs to work up to that I need to hang out with these people.... I guess what it really comes down to is that I am scared to get close to people. I am so afraid that I will end up hurt or I will hurt them and havn't I already hurt enough people. When I was little I had very few friends and then as I got older I made a lot more friends and I am still friends with most of them I hold them all very dear to my heart because they were my first friends...... And I am so Damn stubborn. I need to fully adjust to my surroundings before I can adjust to the people.... I really don't know what my problem is.......I just hold my self back so much ..... I wish that I could just have Rachels attitude of anything is possible. I feel bad because I am always shutting her down with that and I feel really bad because I think it is wonderful how much she just believes it.... I guess I feel like it is naive because I am jaded but I know that the mind is an amazing thing and you can do so much if you believe in your self but it is hard for me to believe I can do anything........ I am working on believing I can do more. I know I can I am just working on doing it. It is funny I feel like I am in an age where I am constantly working on my self and how I want to be .....I see this all around me. well all the women I know here that are in there 20's are always talking about how there going threw this or that right now and they are working on it and Or they are working at something that they want to change about themselves or what they do with there time....... Is every one going threw this right now at this age? I guess what it is , is us just trying to figure out how we want to be as Adults....... That is scary ..... But I am an adult. I live away from my parents. Hell I am even on the other side of the United states from them. I pay for all of my own things. I have a job and pay bills.... Adult. I am going to go see Charlie and the chocolate factory today..... I need to get ready .

Adios

N.H.K.