Just breathe.
Last night I got really pissy and sad... for whatever reason. I think a lot of it had to do with the stress of taking care of Brandon by myself for a week. It all sort of built up over the past few days and hit last night. I mean, it's not the fact that I had to take care of him by myself, but it was everything that kept piling on this week that made it harder for me. First, Brandon had some type of breakout all over his arms and legs that the urgent care center or the pharmacist couldn't figure out. Then he got in trouble at school so I've been talking to his teacher a lot this week and trying to keep him on track as far as school assignments go. Those things along with 3 midterms really did me in.
And then I think about my mother and how she would have treated the situation. I saw her in so many things I did this week. We went grocery shopping and I found myself buying a lot of the same types of food she bought. I tried to make meals the same way she did, even though I don't belong in a kitchen whatsoever. I really wish I would have learned more from her though. I feel as if I know nothing about her or my father and I rely on Brandon's keen memory to enlighten me on how my parents used to act, what they used to say, and how they used to feel. How sad is that? The memories just seem to be fading and fading by the minute and I can't stand it.
All of these things made me miss my mom so much more. I wanted to call her and ask what to do with Brandon and his bumpy skin. I wanted to call her and ask how to make simple goddamn garlic bread. I've been sick lately and all I want is to lay in bed and have my worried mom come check my temperature ever half hour, bring me medicine, and make me nothing but soup and toast. It's the little things I miss so much.
I can't sleep right now. There's something wrong with my throat... it won't stop hurting. I'm drinking warm tea but it's not helping. Last night, during my pissy mood, Dimitri showed up with flowers and my favorite popsicles. I'm lucky.
And then I think about my mother and how she would have treated the situation. I saw her in so many things I did this week. We went grocery shopping and I found myself buying a lot of the same types of food she bought. I tried to make meals the same way she did, even though I don't belong in a kitchen whatsoever. I really wish I would have learned more from her though. I feel as if I know nothing about her or my father and I rely on Brandon's keen memory to enlighten me on how my parents used to act, what they used to say, and how they used to feel. How sad is that? The memories just seem to be fading and fading by the minute and I can't stand it.
All of these things made me miss my mom so much more. I wanted to call her and ask what to do with Brandon and his bumpy skin. I wanted to call her and ask how to make simple goddamn garlic bread. I've been sick lately and all I want is to lay in bed and have my worried mom come check my temperature ever half hour, bring me medicine, and make me nothing but soup and toast. It's the little things I miss so much.
I can't sleep right now. There's something wrong with my throat... it won't stop hurting. I'm drinking warm tea but it's not helping. Last night, during my pissy mood, Dimitri showed up with flowers and my favorite popsicles. I'm lucky.