~Ranting....
EDIT ~WHOOO!! I feel better just having got that all out. I Know my feelings arnt wrong. No ones feelings are. its just how you feel. But dont expect me to be happy. Just like i'm not asking you, Fei, to like the fact i smoke. You hate it. i'm not saying thats wrong. its just how you feel.
If we are still friends... if you even read this. Call me today ... we should talk. If not. Good luck in life. you are an amazing person and friend. I am honored to have been your friend.
Niski Maxweii
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.
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And no. I dont smoke.... But i know that if Fei read that i did, she would have that sick sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach, like i do,when i talk to her about this kinda stuff
Friendship is so thin. i dont think i knew how frail friendship was until recently. I am 'fighting' with two of my friends. Two of my best friends. One of Eight years, and one of Five. I say insensitive stuff. then i go back and think how it sounded and try and clear it up. I Get that. i know i sound hurtful at times. I Called one of my friends a whore... and i ment it. but not in the way it came out. It is painful. painful to watch someone amazing have sex with a friend, then wonder why i get upset. I'm not upset that she had sex. not in the least. hell its fun. I'm more upset of what will come next. Here is an example. I started smoking. Does that make her want to call me a dumbass? Hell yeah. Does it get her mad? fuck yeah. know why? because, its a bad habit to start, the afterefect of smoking is what gets her the most. its not the fact i suck smoke into my lungs. its the fact she knows that i could get cancer. And it gets her mad. so why is it irrational for me to feel the same way? 'because sex isnt smoking!' no. Its worse. Chlamydia, syphilis, herpes... all sound fun I love Fei to death. honestly i do. but it kills me. so are we still friends? who knows. I have said my piece. Weither she chooses to read this or not. I need a cigarette and to go study. I want to stop having friends. Friendships are so fake it hurts. One thing said wrong, and eight years are gone. Suppose nothing was real. I dont want to stop being friends. it would kill me. but it would kill me a lot faster than slowly coming to hate eachother..... Who knows what to do.
If we are still friends... if you even read this. Call me today ... we should talk. If not. Good luck in life. you are an amazing person and friend. I am honored to have been your friend.
Niski Maxweii
.
.
.
And no. I dont smoke.... But i know that if Fei read that i did, she would have that sick sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach, like i do,when i talk to her about this kinda stuff
Friendship is so thin. i dont think i knew how frail friendship was until recently. I am 'fighting' with two of my friends. Two of my best friends. One of Eight years, and one of Five. I say insensitive stuff. then i go back and think how it sounded and try and clear it up. I Get that. i know i sound hurtful at times. I Called one of my friends a whore... and i ment it. but not in the way it came out. It is painful. painful to watch someone amazing have sex with a friend, then wonder why i get upset. I'm not upset that she had sex. not in the least. hell its fun. I'm more upset of what will come next. Here is an example. I started smoking. Does that make her want to call me a dumbass? Hell yeah. Does it get her mad? fuck yeah. know why? because, its a bad habit to start, the afterefect of smoking is what gets her the most. its not the fact i suck smoke into my lungs. its the fact she knows that i could get cancer. And it gets her mad. so why is it irrational for me to feel the same way? 'because sex isnt smoking!' no. Its worse. Chlamydia, syphilis, herpes... all sound fun I love Fei to death. honestly i do. but it kills me. so are we still friends? who knows. I have said my piece. Weither she chooses to read this or not. I need a cigarette and to go study. I want to stop having friends. Friendships are so fake it hurts. One thing said wrong, and eight years are gone. Suppose nothing was real. I dont want to stop being friends. it would kill me. but it would kill me a lot faster than slowly coming to hate eachother..... Who knows what to do.