(no subject)
so today was mostly uneventful. i got up at ass o'clock again... and i ended up sleeping the morning away. i don't really care anymore - most of the time i have nowhere to be or go to anyway. plus today was just seriously crappy day out - the perfect kinda day where you have every right to stay in bed all day if you want (at least thats my theory). i finally got up and took a shower (cause i really needed to) and then i dragged myself to my appt with dennis. and actually, it wasnt as bad as its been the past few months. i told him that i felt that our sessions were pointless, that i just felt like i wasnt getting anywhere. i said that i felt like just another client/patient that he sees and that i just dont feel comfortable talking to him, like i just feel like he's doing his job and that he doesnt get me or really want to help me. he appreciated me telling him all this but then he is like, well what can i do to help you or what can i change? and im like isn't that your job to know that? im not the expert here, i dont know what to do different. i told him that i really liked my old therapist that i was seeing before i started the dbt program and i wish that i could go back to seeing her, but i doubt that i could since she doesnt take medicaid and i couldnt afford to just pay her fee, especially if i was to see her twice a week.
why is my life so FUCKING complicated?!?!?!
and that isnt my only problem at the moment. work is an ongoing issue, is putting more and more pressure on me. its becoming more of a thought that during the night shift there really isnt a need for a producer... so that just sucks cause i might lose my job - hopefully not in the near future, but its becoming more and more of a possibility.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
i wish i could just scream sometimes.... like just walk down the middle of 7th avenue and stand there and scream.
ugh - and people wonder why ive become more down and flat lately....
well the above explains a portion of whats going on in my depressed, frustrated, fucked up and anxiety ridden mind...
why is my life so FUCKING complicated?!?!?!
and that isnt my only problem at the moment. work is an ongoing issue, is putting more and more pressure on me. its becoming more of a thought that during the night shift there really isnt a need for a producer... so that just sucks cause i might lose my job - hopefully not in the near future, but its becoming more and more of a possibility.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
i wish i could just scream sometimes.... like just walk down the middle of 7th avenue and stand there and scream.
ugh - and people wonder why ive become more down and flat lately....
well the above explains a portion of whats going on in my depressed, frustrated, fucked up and anxiety ridden mind...