TSCC Fic: It's Good to be Neighborly-Part 4

[nicki1990]

"Should we be worried about leaving them alone together?" Sarah asked. Dusk was falling as she and Kaci sat at the table on the patio, both nursing ice teas. With the festivities at an end, Sarah's desire for alcohol had ebbed considerably.

Kaci grinned, relaxing into her chair. One hand covered her stomach while the other contentedly fiddled with the straw in her glass. "Why? Cameron's already managed to clear out Brenda's party way ahead of schedule." The blonde couldn't have sounded more pleased about this. "I doubt there's anything she could say that would make Brenda any angrier."

Sarah returned Kaci's smile, taking a sip from her beverage. "You underestimate Cameron's ability to put her foot in her mouth. I don't know how you could possibly do that after today, but…"

"My only regret is that I don't have a camera in there to catch every minute of it."

Sarah shook her head and chuckled. After the discussion of Brenda's lackluster cooking, the party had naturally wound to a slow death. Nobody was eating anymore, and the majority of Brenda's culinary offerings went in the garbage. Cameron, noting Brenda's upset at the fate of her lunch labors, offered a helpful suggestion.

"Not all of it needs to be wasted. There's a homeless man who frequents this area almost every night. He routinely eats food out of dumpsters. I'm sure he would appreciate your food."

Beyond the point of censorship, Sarah had commented about how there was a market for everything, even Brenda's cooking. Brenda and her gang had scowled murderously. Kaci, also beyond the point of appearances, had giggled until she was tearing up again. There was ten more minutes of little else besides glaring and giggling. Cameron remained still on the couch, perfectly content with the silence. Sarah's main contribution involved staring down Brenda and her friends while keeping Kaci supplied with tissues to dry her eyes.

Following this period of scowls and laughter, Brenda's friends began leaving en masse. Sarah's favorite part of this, aside from the simple fact that they were leaving, involved the goodbyes between Cameron and the guests. Each of them declared what an interesting day it had been, and how nice it'd been to meet the girl. Cameron responded in kind, telling each and every one that she looked forward to seeing them again.

With the house cleared, the only thing left to do was clean up. "That's always the worst part about a party," Cameron remarked, as if she actually knew what she was talking about. To her credit, Kaci did offer to help Brenda straighten up. The woman was on the verge of saying yes when Sarah gave her a very pointed look. After the certified disasters that were their conversations, it was obvious that Cameron was the last person Brenda wished to be around. Sarah insisted that Cameron assist Brenda in the cleanup, and the metal hadn't argued. Briefly, Sarah had worried about leaving the cyborg alone with Trevor's mom. But, as with earlier when Margaret was in danger of getting her hand crushed, Sarah had adapted an uncharacteristically laissez-faire attitude about anything Cameron might do or say.

"So, you guys are totally coming to dinner next week, no more stalling."

"We weren't-"

"Don't say it. After today, I completely owe you. Bring John and Derek, I'll make some of my freaking awesome food, and if we get bored-"

"There's very little chance of that happening," Sarah declared. Bringing Cameron here for more than twenty minutes had been eventful enough. Sarah refused to contemplate what would happen if her entire dysfunctional excuse for a family were forced to sit down with a normal person, nibble dinner rolls, and pretend not to be dysfunctional.

"Still, if we get bored, I'll invite Brenda over and we can watch Cameron insult her again." Kaci's tone suggested that she'd like nothing more than this exact scenario. "You think I can borrow her for a few hours on Christmas Eve? Trev and I are supposed to eat at Brenda's."

"Kaci," Sarah said, shaking her head as she released another chuckle.

"I'll pay her. I'll pay you."

"I'm going to pretend that you're joking."

"Pretend away. But you're still coming to dinner."

Sighing inaudibly, Sarah decided to forego arguments or excuses for as long as possible. "I must say, you sat through an afternoon of Cameron, you've managed to grin and bear it with Brenda…I think you deserve some kind of medal."

"Please. You guys made a potentially horrible day into a totally great one."

Sarah raised an eyebrow. "Constant criticism is totally great?"

"You know what I mean. I haven't seen Brenda that angry since…I guess since she found out Trev was having a kid with the pastry chef who has no goals, no personality, no redeeming qualities whatsoever."

"Let me guess, direct quote?"

Kaci shrugged. "She apologized later."

The apparent nonchalance didn't fool Sarah, who clenched her hands under the table "I'll bet she did."

"It's not a big deal. Speaking of which, you really should stop apologizing for Cameron."

"Kaci-"

"I'm serious." Glancing at the back door to assure privacy, Kaci leaned forward and lowered her voice. "Honestly, I think she plays up that social disorder thing just to see your reaction."

Sarah considered this, not for the first time. She'd wondered quite often if Cameron wasn't amping up the clueless robot routine simply to irritate her. Terminators weren't supposed to feel joy, even at other's discomfort, but Cameron had been gunning for that bird in their chimney for several weeks. And she'd certainly been eager to make Brenda miserable.

"Either way," Kaci continued, oblivious to Sarah's musings, "she's not that bad."

Sarah suspected that had Cameron's behavior been directed at anyone other than Brenda and her pals, and if Kaci wasn't still recovering from all the laughing, the blonde's reaction might not be as charitable. Not that Sarah was complaining.

"You should meet my cousin Laurie. She's a realtor in Florida, though how she ever sells anything is a mystery to me. You should hear some of the things that come out of her mouth, and she doesn't even have the Tourettes excuse."

The women shared another smile before falling into companionable silence. It was another rare moment for Sarah, who couldn't recall the last time she'd simply relaxed and breathed in the evening air. Her encounters with Brenda left her feeling strangely accomplished, not unlike the feeling she got when a mission really panned out. The current feeling was better though, since dealing with Brenda hadn't left her bruised or bloody, like the missions usually did. Sarah got in a few more minutes of quietly reveling in her success before Kaci's hesitant voice broke the spell.

"Sarah, can I ask you something? It's personal, and it's totally fine if you don't want to answer. I'm just…I'm curious I guess."

Instantly on guard, Sarah did her best to remain neutral. "Sure, fire away."

"You've mentioned John's dad a couple of times, but today was the first time I've heard anything about Cameron's father."

Sarah closed her eyes for a moment. She'd made an off-handed comment about Cameron's imaginary father. There was also that story of Cameron's birth. Brenda and the rest of her hyena pack wouldn't have known that John and Cameron supposedly had different dads, but Kaci certainly knew. "And you're curious."

"Sorry, too much. Me and boundaries, sometimes we have problems with each other."

Sarah allowed herself a split second before replying. "Don't worry about it. Cameron's father is out of the picture, been that way for a long time." Another in the endless list of lies, but this falsehood was actually comforting. Originally, Sarah had lied to Kaci about Reese's presence at John's birth because that was the happy version, the story Sarah wanted to be true. She lied now about Cameron's father, about Skynet, for many of the same reasons.

"I gather from your tone that that's a good thing."

Sighing, Sarah briefly averted her eyes. "John's dad was the love of my life. Cameron's father, not so much."

"That bad?" Kaci asked, wincing in sympathy.

"That bad. Bane of my existence."

Sarah's tone had Kaci reaching across the table, cautiously brushing the older woman's arm. "Was he…was he abusive?" the blonde prodded, obviously concerned.

Sarah allowed the contact for a second before gently withdrawing her arm. Concern from anyone seemed such a rare thing these days. "It wasn't a good situation, leave it at that."

Kaci nodded, looking shame-faced. "Sorry. Didn't mean to stir up bad memories."

As if her bad memories ever needed stirring. As if they weren't just below the surface, constantly fighting to bubble over. "It was a long time ago now, and it's over and done with."

Kaci nodded again. "Yeah, and at least you have Cameron. I mean bad as this guy was, something good did come of your being with him, right?"

"That's right," Sarah agreed, careful to keep the mask in place. With Kaci, for whatever reason, that mask wasn't quite so all-concealing. But it was still there, just as it always needed to be.

Another silence fell between them, but this one wasn't as comfortable. Kaci was restless in a way that she hadn't been in hours, since before the baby shower. "What's wrong, Kaci?"

"Nothing," was the instant reply.

"You and John are about even when it comes to ability to lie. I wouldn't be proud."

Rolling her eyes at Sarah's gentle teasing, Kaci gave in nonetheless. "I just wish Brenda would like me. No," she backpedaled, shaking her head, "not even like. I'd settle for her just tolerating me. But this whole passive-aggressive thing, I can't stand it."

"Well," Sarah replied, "I'm glad that you don't need her to like you. If she liked you, I assume it would be because you had qualities she respects. And if you had qualities she respected, I don't think you and I would get along that well."

Kaci grinned mischievously. "And if we didn't get along so well, no leftovers for you guys."

"I shudder to think."

"Yeah, I'm sure that would be the end of the world for you."

"The sarcasm wouldn't be there if you'd ever tried my cooking." Another quiet chuckle before the brunette became serious again. "Look Kaci, you don't need Brenda's approval."

"Just like I don't need Trevor?" Kaci asked dubiously.

Sarah sighed, recalling the conversation in Kaci's hospital room. "Trevor cares for you; he obviously cares for the baby. He's going to be around to help no matter where things go with you two."

"I know," the blonde admitted. "It's just…there's so much in front of me right now, and everything feels so uncertain,, and this stupid feud with Brenda…it's just one more thing added to the ten million other things I don't know how to deal with."

"You're going to be fine," Sarah assured her. "It won't be easy, but you'll make it."

"That's what you said the last time I got all whiney and insecure on you," Kaci observed self-deprecatingly.

"It was a stressful day," Sarah replied, parroting what she'd told Brenda earlier. "And I meant it last time. You'll figure a way to make it work." Seeing that Kaci still looked uncertain, "And if you really need to, you can borrow Cameron on Christmas Eve."

Kaci laughed, breaking the somewhat somber mood. Both women looked up as the back door opened and Cameron entered their midst. Kaci smiled as the girl approached. "Hey Cameron, your mom just said I could steal you for awhile at Christmas."

Cameron tilted her head, coming to a halt in front of the other two. "Stealing is against the law. Your baby-daddy is a police officer. Won't he be upset if you turn into a criminal?"

While Kaci laughed again, Sarah explained the blonde's possible need for more Brenda backup.

"Oh. Should I bring Brenda a present if I see her on Christmas Eve?"

"How about a muzzle?" Kaci muttered.

"That would make sense. Dogs often require muzzles, and since Brenda is a bit-"

"Get her a fruitcake, everyone hates those. Did you want something?"

"John called. He went out with Derek. He wanted to know when you would be home."

So the guys had run like scared rabbits to make sure they wouldn't have to come here. Sarah wasn't surprised.

"God," said Kaci. "Sorry guys, it was really sweet of you to stay. I didn't mean to keep you this long."

"You're not keeping us," Sarah assured.

"No, you aren't keeping us. Sarah's social life is practically non-existent."

"Thanks for explaining that," said the brunette, trying not to growl.

"You're welcome."

"You know, I think we left your pills in the bathroom. Let's get those, and I'll give you your evening dose, and then-"

"You have to leave. Let me see if we can't sneak you past Brenda."

"No," Sarah refuted, gesturing for Kaci to stay seated while she herself got up. "We do need to head inside, but I think we can spare a few more minutes. Right Cameron?"

"Right," the cyborg nodded. "My social life is also practically non-existent."

Cameron waited until Sarah had hustled her inside again before speaking. "How much more time will we be sparing? Brenda and her friends have been taken down a few pegs, just like you wanted. We kept Kaci from strangling Brenda, just like Kaci wanted. Our mission is complete."

"Our mission is complete when I say it's complete."

"Does this mean we won't be sneaking past Brenda?"

"No. We've got something else that needs doing with Brenda, and it doesn't involve avoiding her."

"Does it involve killing her?"

"It doesn't."

"You said that we would see. You said maybe later."

"Stop complaining. If you're good for the next few weeks, maybe you can shoot her on Christmas Eve."

Cameron considered Sarah's words. "Would this be your present to me, or your present to Kaci?"

"Ever heard of killing two birds with one stone?"

"Are you telling me to beat Brenda with a rock?"

"Shut up. Just shut up and listen."

Five minutes later, Sarah entered the kitchen where Trevor's mom was still cleaning up. "How's it going in here?" Deliberately casual, Sarah leaned against the counter with her hands in her pockets. Brenda was on the opposite side of the counter, and she didn't look pleased with her company.

"Sarah. I'm managing well enough. I thought you'd left already."

"Without my winnings?" Sarah nodded towards the nearby coffee table. In addition to Kaci's largely useless haul of presents, there was the pile of prizes that Sarah and Cameron had collected during the games. "Anyway," the brunette continued, "I wanted a chance to talk with you privately before we headed out."

"Oh?" said Brenda, scrubbing a rag over the counter with unnecessary vigor. "I thought that you said quite enough already. You and that Cameron of yours. She really is such a charmer."

"That she is.. But that's not what I wanted to speak with you about. You mind if we discuss Kaci for a minute?"

Brenda scrubbed the counter harder, avoiding the younger woman's gaze. "Kaci? Kaci seems fine to me. Quite happy in fact. I thought she might hurt herself from all the laughing."

"And I'm sure you would've hated to see her injured," Sarah replied. "Listen, we don't really know each other, but can I offer you some advice, one mother to another?"

Abandoning her scrubbing, Brenda dropped the rag and looked at Sarah, practically bristling. "Advice? Like you said dear, we don't know each other that well. And since my son is a respected law official while your daughter is an insolent, pill-popping-"

"You don't want to finish that sentence," Sarah warned, an edge creeping into her voice. "You finish that sentence, I'll stop being civil And don't call me 'dear.' I don't know what your problem is with Kaci, and I don't particularly care. What I do know is that you're not going to get anywhere doing this."

"I see. And what is it that I'm supposedly doing?"

"Treating the mother of your grandchild like garbage," Sarah replied. All vestiges of friendliness were gone from her voice. "Like it or not, Kaci's part of your son's life. I don't know what'll happen with them, and I don't really know your son, but I'm fairly sure he's a good guy, so I give you credit for that much."

"Thank you," Brenda hissed. She was clenching her teeth in much the same way Sarah had done for most of the afternoon.

"You're welcome. Trevor seems like a good guy who'll try to do good for his family. And if you continue to bash the mother of his child, or if you start filling his son's head with bad ideas about her…I doubt Trevor will put up with that. If it goes on long enough and you force his hand, I don't think you'll like the result. You're going to lose your son, and your grandson, and I really, really don't think that's what you want."

"Who are you to say what I should or shouldn't do?" Brenda raged, finally dropping the sweet old lady act that no one with eyes would buy. "How dare you presume to tell me about my family? You're just a neighbor Kaci clings to because nobody else wants to be her friend!"

"You want to talk family? I'm telling you that you're not going to have one unless you back off. As for friends, Kaci would've had a lot more of those today if you'd made that a possibility. But I guess it's easier to gang up on someone when she's alone. Seems like dirty tactics to me, but what do I know? I'm just the neighbor."

"This is ridiculous. I don't have to stand here and listen to this." Shaking her head in disgust, Brenda walked around the counter, headed for the living room. As she passed, she looked at Sarah like she expected the younger woman to stop her. Not a bad assumption, given the look on Sarah's face. But Sarah didn't try stopping her, and Brenda got to the place where the living room met the hallway that led to the back of the house. She got that far before Cameron stepped out of that hallway and in front of Brenda, cutting her off.

"Yes you do," Cameron stated, stepping towards Trevor's mother.

"Do…? Do what?" Brenda asked, backing away from the advancing terminator.

"You do have to stand here and listen to this," Cameron explained. She kept moving forward and Brenda kept moving backwards, until the woman was back in the kitchen. Trapped between Sarah and Cameron, staring at the brunette with very wide eyes.

"I…I thought you wanted to speak privately," Brenda stammered. She addressed Sarah, but seemed uncomfortable with having her back to Cameron.

Sarah smirked. She'd seen this before, people suddenly terrified of Cameron without knowing why. Despite the pretty and petite body, Cameron retained a terminator's talent for intimidation. Sarah found it rather entertaining to watch the metal at work. Usually, she was too busy or too angry or in too much of a hurry to do this. "I did want to talk alone. I do want to talk alone. Just pretend she's not here."

"Yes," Cameron said, extremely close to Brenda's right ear. "Pretend I'm not here."

"What is this? What's wrong with you people, what are you doing?"

"Right now? We're showing you how Kaci felt today." Sarah let Brenda squirm and sputter a few seconds longer before motioning Cameron to come stand next to her. "You may not get this, but your son could do a lot worse than Kaci."

"Yes," said Cameron. "Trevor could choose to be with someone who reminds him of his mother."

"I'm not saying you have to like her. I sure as hell don't expect her to like you. But a little respect doesn't seem out of the question."

"Yes, respect. Like the Aretha Franklin song. Written and performed in-"

"Cameron."

Cameron fell silent.

"Kaci's trying her best with you; you might as well meet her halfway. She's got enough worries with being a new mom, with Trevor…I don't think she needs you adding to them."

"I don't think so either."

"And I'd rather not hear any more stories about your thinly-veiled attempts at making her miserable."

"Are you threatening me? I'll have you arrested. I'll call Trevor and-"

"I will call Trevor for you," Cameron offered. "I will tell him every detail of what you've done and said to Kaci since we arrived. I have an excellent memory."

"No one needs to call Trevor because no one is threatening you," Sarah stated, leaning towards Brenda as she spoke.

"Yes. There are no threats involved. If we were threatening you, you'd know it." As she said this, Cameron left Sarah's side to circle Brenda like a vulture as the woman attempted to back away.

"No threats involved," Sarah stated as Cameron circled around to stand on her other side. "We're just chatting about the fact that I'd rather not hear any more about you making Kaci's life difficult. World's a mess as it is, it's probably going to get messier. Why add to anyone else's problems?"

"Sarah will hear if you continue adding to Kaci's problems, Sarah and Kaci talk about things. They are gal pals."

Before Sarah could respond to that, all three of them heard a door opening. Seconds later, Kaci joined them in the kitchen. She walked in to find Sarah and Cameron leaning casually against her counter, and Brenda looking much paler than usual.

"Hey. What are you guys up to?" A hint of suspicion bled into Kaci's voice as her eyes moved over the three of them.

"Not much," Sarah replied easily. "Found Cameron's pills, ran into Brenda, we got to talking."

"Right. Talking about what? Brenda, are you okay? You look a little…."

Brenda spared half a second to glance at Sarah and Cameron. "I…I'm fine, Kaci."

"You sure? "

"Fine, dear."

Eyebrows raised, Kaci crossed her arms, staring between Sarah and Cameron. "What did you say you guys were talking about?"

Sarah shrugged dismissively, quite enjoying the look on Kaci's face.

"We were making conversation," said Cameron. "Having girl talk. Brenda, Sarah and I are gal pals now. Right Brenda?"

Brenda nodded, looking rather ill.

"Do you think she lives in Palmdale?"

Sarah glanced at her companion as they walked the short distance between houses, laden down with baby shower prizes. "Who?"

"Kaci's cousin Laurie. She's a realtor in Florida; do you think she lives in Palmdale?"

"I have no idea. You were eavesdropping."

"Yes. Did you mean it?"

"Mean what?"

"Kaci said that something good had come from your relationship with my father. You agreed. Did you mean it?"

Squinting at Cameron in the dark, Sarah wondered again how much damage her chip took during the explosion. "You do understand that I was lying through my teeth."

"Yes. But sometimes when you lie through your teeth, you aren't completely lying."

"I don't know what you're asking," Sarah replied, adjusting her hold on a plastic bag full of body washes.

"I'm asking if you were really lying."

Sarah blew out a breath, wondering again how she managed to get herself into these situations. "You're a machine. The fact that you're here means that we failed, that I failed. That John's and a lot of other people's live are going to be a hellish, apocalyptic nightmare. What do you want me to say?"

Cameron merely looked at her as they approached the house, head tilted sideways.

Sarah rolled her eyes, looked to the sky, and waited for a freak lightning bolt to materialize out of the clearness. When that didn't happen, she swallowed past imaginary bile and forced a reply. "You have your uses. And some nights I don't fall asleep dreaming up ways to kill you."

"Oh. Thank you, that was a nice thing to say."

Sarah made a noise that was half annoyance, half dismissal as she unlocked the house and stepped inside. Heading into the kitchen, she carelessly dumped her winnings on the counter.

"Why couldn't you give Kaci advice?"

"What?" Sarah asked, turning to face the machine again.

"The game. You were supposed to write down parental advice for Kaci. Why did you have difficulty?"

"Cameron…"

"You are the single greatest mother of all time. Doesn't that make you qualified to offer parental advice?"

Chuckling sardonically, the brunette replied, "Single greatest mother of all time. Why don't you tell John that and see what happens."

"I don't need to tell John that, he has told me. Many times."

"Future -John," Sarah stated, understanding dawning in her eyes.

"Future-John," confirmed the cyborg. "Future-John sees things that your John can't yet. Future-John, along with the majority of humanity, understands what you've done for the human race, the sacrifices you made. Future-John, along with the majority of humanity, will consider you the single greatest mother of all time."

Fuck. Sarah hated when the cyborg said things like that in such a matter-of-fact way. Now she had to feel guilty about the six or seven times this week she'd threatened to pull Cameron's chip and roast marshmallows over the remains of her endoskeleton. "Thank you," she said quietly. "Thanks for saying that."

"You're welcome. Would it be entirely bad if Skynet went online?"

Sarah blinked repeatedly. Trying to keep pace with Cameron's computer brain was going to give her whiplash someday. "Would it be entirely bad if the computer system I've been trying to destroy for the last sixteen years went online and blew up the world? Is that what you're asking me?"

"Yes."

"Is this a riddle or something?"

"No, not a riddle. John's former best friend Morris told me a riddle once. Would you like to hear it?"

"No. Get back to Skynet."

Cameron agreed readily enough. "If Skynet goes online, billions of people will die instantly. They will be completely incinerated, the flesh seared from their bones."

"I got that part, make your point."

"Those that survive the initial blast will most likely perish from radiation sickness, enduring slow, agonizing deaths. Statistically, Brenda and her friends have a good chance of being in one group or the other. Even if they do survive, they are elderly. Elderly people don't do well in Skynet work camps."

"What are you getting at?" Sarah asked, quite certain that she already knew.

"You spend a great deal of time discussing the value of human life. Would you be very upset if Brenda and her friends died during or after the nuclear explosion?"

Sarah shook her head. "You're trying to say that it would be a good thing if Brenda and her buddies were cooked alive."

"Every cloud has a silver lining. Was that bad to say?"

Chuckling at something that was utterly unfunny, Sarah began rummaging through her prizes. "It was a horrible thing to say."

Cameron dug through her own bag of baby shower loot, mirroring Sarah's actions. "Was it bad to think?"

"No. You've met them, so thinking it was logical. Meeting people like Brenda makes me wonder why we do this, why we bother."

Cameron stopped examining a selection of bath beads long enough to meet Sarah's eyes. "I thought that we did it because of people like Kaci."

Well. Score one for bionic Barbie. Pulling the bottle filled with candy out of her bag, Sarah teasingly raised it in Cameron's direction. "Well. Here's to every cloud having a silver lining."

"Even the mushroom clouds?" Cameron asked, retrieving her own candy bottle and touching it to Sarah's.

"Even those," Sarah agreed, silently musing upon the ridiculousness that was her life. Still, an optimistic, glass half full cyborg was probably better than the alternative.

Meanwhile, Cameron was examining both bottles very closely. "Can we switch?"

"Huh?"

"Can I switch with you?" she asked, holding out her candy. "Your bottle holds more caramel pieces."

"And?"

"I like caramel."

Sarah set down her own selection of sweets, pushing it towards Cameron. "Go nuts, have both. I hate the dentist."

"Thank you."

"Don't mention it. Really."

It was at this moment that tires could be heard on the gravel. Seconds later, John and Derek entered the house, carrying a few small bags of groceries. Sarah's eyes immediately fell on the case of beer in Derek's left hand. Her brand, not his.

"Thought you might need this after today," he stated, joining them in the kitchen and setting the beer down.

"I do," Sarah replied, thrown off by the gesture. "That was uncharacteristically nice of you."

"You're welcome. What the hell is all this?"

"We kicked ass and took names at the baby shower," informed Cameron, sliding her winnings away from Derek. As usual, he'd been scowling since he saw her.

"I guess that sort of answers my question about how things went," said John, loading their purchases into the cabinets and refrigerator. "Still, how did things go?"

"Brenda was a bitch."

"Brenda?"

"Trevor's mom," Sarah explained, twisting the cap off one of the beers without caring how cold it was.

"Trevor's mother was a bitch. She and her friends didn't like us, so they left early. Kaci was very pleased."

"Kaci was pleased that you wrecked her party?" Derek asked, frowning as Sarah handed him a bottle of lavender body wash. "What am I supposed to do with this?"

Sarah shrugged as she took a swig from her drink. "I'm not going to use it, and you always say that you can still smell the tunnel stench on you."

"It wasn't really Kaci's party, it was Brenda's. Kaci was very pleased that we wrecked Brenda's party."

"She's pushing dinner next week," Sarah added.

"She spent an entire afternoon with you and she's still pushing dinner?" asked Derek. "This Brenda must be a real piece of work if she makes you guys look good."

"Yes, Brenda is a real piece of work. Sarah said that we would not throw down with Brenda, but she lied."

"You fought with Kaci's…almost mother-in-law?" asked John, shelving the last of the groceries.

"We didn't fight," Sarah refuted. "We talked."

"Sarah did the majority of the talking. Afterward, Brenda became very pale and complimented Kaci's shoes. Here."  Cameron had made her way to John's side, holding out one of her three bottles of candy.

"What's this?" John asked warily.

"Candy. I won it, but you can have it. This bottle contains Sweet Tarts."

"And?"

Seeing that John had no intention of taking the candy himself, Cameron set it next to him on the counter. "And, I don't like Sweet Tarts."

"Thanks," John replied, eyeing the gift dubiously.

"You're welcome, but don't misinterpret my intentions. My offering you candy does not mean that I will offer to pop your cherry. Future-You was very clear on the fact that no means no."

Derek spewed the beer he'd just opened all over the place as he tried to stop choking. Sarah barely avoided getting his spit all of her shirt. Mortified, John looked from one to the other, realizing that while his mom looked pissed off and traumatized, she didn't seem as shocked as she should. "What," he began, struggling to get the words out. "What the hell do you two talk about when I'm not here?"

"Today we discussed baby showers. We are going to throw Sarah a baby shower on her birthday."

Through his wheezing, Sarah thought she heard Derek choke out something about knowing that she and the paramedic were getting too close.

"We also discussed lesbianism and Sarah's desire to experiment."

Derek continued to choke, but his watering eyes held a clear look of intrigue.

"Jesus," John muttered, pressing his hands against his ears and heading quickly for the stairs. "I can't be in here, I can't hear this."

'I don't want to experiment!" Sarah yelled at her son's retreating form, suddenly wishing that the earth would open up and swallow her. Better yet, that it would open up and swallow Cameron, saving Sarah the trouble of getting the thermite from the shed.

"Are you going to accept Kaci's dinner invitation? If you do, are you required to bring something? I can teach you how to make chocolate chip pancakes."

Sarah thumped Derek hard on the back, more a punch than anything else, pulled out her gun simply because holding it made her feel better, then left the room. She'd been saving their last batch of thermite for Cromartie, but they could always get more.

Fin