this is longer than i thought it'd be
in a way, i'm pleased w/ myself for not standing by and being silent anymore. if some one says something to me and it bothers me, i'm not gonna just sit there and let it go. because that was aggravating. it seemed like people felt like they could say whatever and do whatever, and i just wouldnt say anything. then maybe a year later, i'd bring it up how it bothered me, and shiiit it's a year later. so what does that do?
but in other ways, i'm not so happy. because of the fact that people expect me to sit there and shut up, when i say something back they get surprised and i come off as being a bitch. but it's not that i'm being a bitch, it's that i'm so sick of being their bitch. i'm sick of people thinking that they can say whatever the hell they want, or do whatever the hell they want and there will always be little nike who doesnt care about anything. i'm sick of shutting up when people want me to. i'm gonna shut up when i want to, not when you want me to.
and then with the fact that i now stick up for myself more, people might see me as an instigator. that was damn near the only positive thing that came with sittin down & shuttin up. i never got in any arguements because i usually let people have their way, with the exception of being on my period.
but what i dont get, if it's okay when others do it, why is it such a shock & crime when i do it? for ever and a day rachel's been tellin people how it is and it's been okay. shit, i love rachel so i could care less. the girl is honest and she wont let u say shit 2 her. infact, she's always been the one who spoke up for me.
but here i am, speaking up for myself... and people get pissed at me like i'm not supposed to. like i'm supposed to turn to rachel and ask her to say it for me. like i'm supposed to act like i dont care when u do me bogus. like i'm supposed to go home, do some yoga, and come out the next day and let it happen again. but i'm sick of that. and for any1 that i may have actually stuck up 4 myself to, i'm sorry if i came off as a bitch... but damn, there was obviously a reason for it. most of the time i dont care. u dont have to tip toe around me hoping i wont burst. but the 10th time around, dont expect me to sit here and say, "one more time," anymore.
but ya. this has absolutely nothing 2 do w/ anything inparticular. but for the few people who do happen to read this, they now know that if i confront them about something it wasnt the 1st time it happened. and that i can speak my opinion too just like the rest of the world seems to.
-nike