I wish I could be more to you :(
Where to begin... where to let it end. I have come to this self realization today. That my best effort is nothing more than another failed attempt. The situation has been elevated to the point that... I can stay on the never ending elevator, or jump off now and hope that I survive when I hit the ground. I just don't know anymore though. I know what will happen if I make a move now. I know what I would do. I know what I could do. I know what I can't do, and I know what I won't do. But the problem is no matter what, someone will get hurt. And thats where the decision needs to be made. Whether I save myself now at the expense of another, or keep fighting untill I have nothing left to give. Well for me thats an easy decision, because I would rather go much longer than I have already than to see her suffer over something I started in the first place. I am the one who pushed to hard, I am the one who made the mistake in thinking I found something that was just a mirage. I guess I should have listened to my friends when they said don't trust your heart. Because look where it has me now, stuck and scared to move. I don't regret it though, because I gave it my best shot. I have shown you what I have to offer and if thats not enough for you I understand. But please try to make killing this dream easier on me than you already are. I can take the pain, im used to being let down. I am used to failing, and never getting to taste success. I have failed at so many things in life that this is just another mark on the check off list that I at least, hope will make me a better person someday. I am sorry though... I really wish I could be more to you. I would give everything for that. But whatever it is you want, I just don't have it. I realize that, and it kills me everyday. I just want you to be happy, no matter what the cost is. And I guess ill keep walking down this path if its the only thing I can do to make you smile. And I am sorry that, that is all I can do.