9 hours at work gives you planty of time to think...
Last week I invited some friends to come over to my place on Sunday. I thought it'd be nice seeing as I've just gotten my new room set up and I actualy have space for visitors now. Plus they had encouraged me to invite them around sometime. However, come Sunday, not one of them could be bothered turning up! Not that they actualy let me know they weren't comming: I had to message them and ask! Admittedly a couple of them had prior comittments, but still it would have been nice if they had let me know they weren't going to be comming rather than leave me waiting around to work it out for myself. Really lets me know where I stand.
These next few weeks are going to be busy for me. Starting tomorrow afternoon is training for Res-Life at the Village. Feel the enthusiasm! *extreme sarcasm* I don't know, I'm just feeling a little aprehensive about the whole thing. I don't know why I'm doing this. It'll all be worth it in the end, I hope, but I can't shake a general feeling of unease about the whole thing. Angie would know what I'm talking about.
I'm really starting to feel like I need a new job. The one I have now isn't too bad. It's close and somewhat convienient, and pays really well, but lately it's just been wearing me down a lot. I have started look around at places I would prefer to work. I'm putting a lot of thought into asking back at Galactic Circus to see if they're still willing to give me any shifts after so long, seeing as I'm still on the books there as far as I know. I think I would really enjoy working there, and the benefits are really appealing. Problem is, the pay is hardly worth it and it'd be a hastle commuting to and from the city, especialy the hours i'd probably have to work. Maybe when I'm back at Uni. If money wasn't an issue there'd be no question about it, but it is an issue hence there is a question. Maybe something will come up that makes the decision easier. Or maybe I just need more options.
I think I'm going to take myself off the market, as it were. I know that sounds rather drastic after only two relationships, but having my heart broken twice hasn't exactly been pleasant. Over last year, I was very much in love with two of the most amazing women I had ever known. But both times I just wasn't good enough for them, and was cast aside like dead weight, without any hesitation. I've been thinking it over and over more times than I care to remember, and I still don't understand why. I wish I could be one of those people who just bounces back and moves on with their life. Oh how I wish I could be that. But I'm not, and I don't want to ever go through it again. I'm absolutely disgusted with myself and how I've behaved in the aftermath of a breakup. I don't like the kind of person I become as a result. My expectations are too high now. I won't ever find anyone else like them again. The last thing I want to do is bget into a relationship only to look apon it as a compromise. That's not fair to me, and It's especialy not fair to whoever I'm with. Best I'm not with anyone than that.
I miss people. I feel so alone. Sure, I have friends around, but it feels so distant at the moment. I miss the few who I could always depend on, who were always there for me. I miss that familiarity and closeness. I'd like people to visit me, though that's probably not very practical with all that's going on.
I can't wait to get back to Uni. Maybe things will all fall into place and I can finaly start moving forward. I'm sick of floundering, going from one day to the next. I need direction. I need purpose. I need to feel like I'm doing something. I need my life to start, and I need to live it.
Your Soul is Black - Depressed, angsty,
distrusting. Life has sent you on one dark
ride, and you are having some trouble getting
back on track. Don't lose hope, you have to
keep with it. Everyone must expierince pain
(some more than others), but you have to be
strong. In every life some rain must fall
before the sun.
What Color is Your Soul? {8 results + artsitic pics}
brought to you by Quizilla
These next few weeks are going to be busy for me. Starting tomorrow afternoon is training for Res-Life at the Village. Feel the enthusiasm! *extreme sarcasm* I don't know, I'm just feeling a little aprehensive about the whole thing. I don't know why I'm doing this. It'll all be worth it in the end, I hope, but I can't shake a general feeling of unease about the whole thing. Angie would know what I'm talking about.
I'm really starting to feel like I need a new job. The one I have now isn't too bad. It's close and somewhat convienient, and pays really well, but lately it's just been wearing me down a lot. I have started look around at places I would prefer to work. I'm putting a lot of thought into asking back at Galactic Circus to see if they're still willing to give me any shifts after so long, seeing as I'm still on the books there as far as I know. I think I would really enjoy working there, and the benefits are really appealing. Problem is, the pay is hardly worth it and it'd be a hastle commuting to and from the city, especialy the hours i'd probably have to work. Maybe when I'm back at Uni. If money wasn't an issue there'd be no question about it, but it is an issue hence there is a question. Maybe something will come up that makes the decision easier. Or maybe I just need more options.
I think I'm going to take myself off the market, as it were. I know that sounds rather drastic after only two relationships, but having my heart broken twice hasn't exactly been pleasant. Over last year, I was very much in love with two of the most amazing women I had ever known. But both times I just wasn't good enough for them, and was cast aside like dead weight, without any hesitation. I've been thinking it over and over more times than I care to remember, and I still don't understand why. I wish I could be one of those people who just bounces back and moves on with their life. Oh how I wish I could be that. But I'm not, and I don't want to ever go through it again. I'm absolutely disgusted with myself and how I've behaved in the aftermath of a breakup. I don't like the kind of person I become as a result. My expectations are too high now. I won't ever find anyone else like them again. The last thing I want to do is bget into a relationship only to look apon it as a compromise. That's not fair to me, and It's especialy not fair to whoever I'm with. Best I'm not with anyone than that.
I miss people. I feel so alone. Sure, I have friends around, but it feels so distant at the moment. I miss the few who I could always depend on, who were always there for me. I miss that familiarity and closeness. I'd like people to visit me, though that's probably not very practical with all that's going on.
I can't wait to get back to Uni. Maybe things will all fall into place and I can finaly start moving forward. I'm sick of floundering, going from one day to the next. I need direction. I need purpose. I need to feel like I'm doing something. I need my life to start, and I need to live it.
Your Soul is Black - Depressed, angsty,
distrusting. Life has sent you on one dark
ride, and you are having some trouble getting
back on track. Don't lose hope, you have to
keep with it. Everyone must expierince pain
(some more than others), but you have to be
strong. In every life some rain must fall
before the sun.
What Color is Your Soul? {8 results + artsitic pics}
brought to you by Quizilla