I could never
So alot has been going on, I miss her and who she was to me. I was so in love with her, my world was hers her pain was mine. We thought it was meant to be but now we don't know. How I lost her over 1 mistake is crazy to me. Now that are most close promise is broken, I don't know how to feel. Two years of love was washed away in 2 weeks. I can't promise anything anymore I can't feel things anymore. I've made my self sick from all this. I don't want to work or eat or go to class I don't sleep at night. I lay there empty hurting. But that's the price I pay. To say I guess it's my fault, I guess I'm suppose to feel this pain to be so empty I guess I might lose her. I have no idea what's gonna happen, she says it's not like he is better or she can see her self with him like she did me, I want to know why then what does he give u, that ull risk losing everything iam. I'm trying to keep my heart alive for her, every part of my bodys at war, I'm so confused. No one knows the pain who I know that 1 month away from asking for her hand I lose her and maybe for good. I lost the love of my soul the woman who made me an better person who put god back into my heart, she did everything an woman I'd ask to merry me would. But I lost her all on my own. I rlly want to die or float away in ocean. It's not me to want to kill myself or lose who Iam. But Im afraid that if I don't get her back I won't ever love again and I might be really hopeless after.I promise to never leave her, but I don't know if I can bear seeing and talking to her after if I don't have her, not right away. I'll never take away my promise for r 2nd child, my promise to be there for her, and my promise to lose her from my heart. Prom is coming I've been looking forward to this for 2 years now, she's gonna grad and I'm oh so proud of her. Even in this cloud bad things. I can find r love and hold on to it as long as I can to make me feel better. Even after all the bad that's has happen even if she loves another man, she makes me whole and I just want her to be happy. I know she has to find her self befor she comes back, I dont want her to get hurt by him again either, he not for her, what I thou she told me she never wanted things like that but she is back with him Now so who knows, I wish she would tell me what the one thing that would win her over, I think it's to gave her, the space an time she needs. Gives him more time to fill her head with b.s. I sure he hasn't change playin stupid mind games and b.s I don't think he will ever go away, an life long battle to for her heart will only tear her apart :< and I dont want that. I guess this is an test, if we make it then I don't think I'll ever lose her again. But if we do I'm sure well lose each other and prob who we are. This is it all out war for r hearts, I'll fight this by being who Im not downin ppl and sendin emails of b.s. Because I love her I'll do what it takes. My life long dream is to have an family with her, and we be part of each others family. If I lose if I lose
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