The downfalls of my profession
So what's new? My friends are out and I'm here at the apartment working on a boss model for our game, The Governing. Such is the life of someone that does what I do. Most people get to work the noraml 8-5's, or just have to worry about the exam the next morning, but my profession tends to put me in a awkward place. Not only do I have to worry about my classes, but there's ton of other things on my mind. My profession is, how do you say it, more competitive than most. If you can't show that you're non-replaceable, then you will be replaced. No matter how good you are at something, there will always be someone better, more efficient. Knowing this in the back of my mind, I constantly have to critique my work. Is this model good enough to be put in the game? Should I go back and change it? See, everything that I put into the game, is going on my demo reel and portfolio. I have to constantly ask myself, can I do better? This all boils down to a question that is put on constant rewind in my head; Am I good enough?
That's why I spend as much time as I do in front of a computer monitor. If I can't cut, if I buckle under pressure, I have nothing to fall back on. No safety net, no harness. My schooling is going to cost me around $70,000 which I have to start paying back as soon as I graduate. If I fail, if I can't get a job, it's my parents that suffer, because they are the co-signers on all of my loans. This pressure to succeed is immmense, and it starts to wear you down after a while. To be honest, just thinking about what my life is going to be like in a year and a half, almost makes me to get out. Almost. When I do start to get down on myself about it, I just have to put it away in the back of my mind. I actually haven't really told anyone about the pressure before. I don't really know why.
I guess I just can't relate to my friends and family. I love hanging out with my friends, but I can't help but get a sense that, there's a rift there. Don't get me wrong, we all get along fine. It's I spend so much time on my work, that I get a feeling that I'm on the outside. It's like tonight, I didn't even know it was pop's birthday and that Andy, Travis, Kellen, and Nicky were going. I guess you could say I'm out of the loop on things, but it's really just that I don't get to hang out with everyone as much as I'd like. They see each other everyday at ASU, hang out usually at Mike's dorm and play Mario Kart. Me, I'm stuck at the school working on the game or my demo reel. By the time I get home at night, they're usually out doing something or somewhere. There's no real way to fix it either. It's not like I can just say, alright my demo reel is the best it's ever going to be. Every semester, I'm learning something different, something that I need to be good at. Which means, I have to put in the time to be good at it. It's like this semester, I'm starting Motion Captioning(it's what they used to create Gollum and animate him)and it's something I'll need to master because it's something that will look great on my porfolio.
Maybe what gets me the most is that this might be my last semester with my friends. Come May, I'm doing my internship in Santa Monica all summer. Then I might be doing the intership in New York City in August. I won't even be back in Arizona until January 2006, which starts my last semester before I graduate. Who know's where I'm gonna be once that happens. Odds are California, but you never know. I could end up in New York City, Europe, or even Japan. It depends on where the best job offer is. I know it sounds like a I hate my profession, it couldn't be farther from the truth, it's just it makes it hard to keep close friends unless they're part of your work. Alright, enough of my ramblings. I have a boss model to work on and he's nowhere near complete. Back to work.....
That's why I spend as much time as I do in front of a computer monitor. If I can't cut, if I buckle under pressure, I have nothing to fall back on. No safety net, no harness. My schooling is going to cost me around $70,000 which I have to start paying back as soon as I graduate. If I fail, if I can't get a job, it's my parents that suffer, because they are the co-signers on all of my loans. This pressure to succeed is immmense, and it starts to wear you down after a while. To be honest, just thinking about what my life is going to be like in a year and a half, almost makes me to get out. Almost. When I do start to get down on myself about it, I just have to put it away in the back of my mind. I actually haven't really told anyone about the pressure before. I don't really know why.
I guess I just can't relate to my friends and family. I love hanging out with my friends, but I can't help but get a sense that, there's a rift there. Don't get me wrong, we all get along fine. It's I spend so much time on my work, that I get a feeling that I'm on the outside. It's like tonight, I didn't even know it was pop's birthday and that Andy, Travis, Kellen, and Nicky were going. I guess you could say I'm out of the loop on things, but it's really just that I don't get to hang out with everyone as much as I'd like. They see each other everyday at ASU, hang out usually at Mike's dorm and play Mario Kart. Me, I'm stuck at the school working on the game or my demo reel. By the time I get home at night, they're usually out doing something or somewhere. There's no real way to fix it either. It's not like I can just say, alright my demo reel is the best it's ever going to be. Every semester, I'm learning something different, something that I need to be good at. Which means, I have to put in the time to be good at it. It's like this semester, I'm starting Motion Captioning(it's what they used to create Gollum and animate him)and it's something I'll need to master because it's something that will look great on my porfolio.
Maybe what gets me the most is that this might be my last semester with my friends. Come May, I'm doing my internship in Santa Monica all summer. Then I might be doing the intership in New York City in August. I won't even be back in Arizona until January 2006, which starts my last semester before I graduate. Who know's where I'm gonna be once that happens. Odds are California, but you never know. I could end up in New York City, Europe, or even Japan. It depends on where the best job offer is. I know it sounds like a I hate my profession, it couldn't be farther from the truth, it's just it makes it hard to keep close friends unless they're part of your work. Alright, enough of my ramblings. I have a boss model to work on and he's nowhere near complete. Back to work.....