[Oneshot] After Midnight
TITLE: After Midnight
AUTHOR: nicis_anatomy
CHARACTER: Jenny Shepard
GENRE: Gen, General, Episode tag
RATING: PG
WORD COUNT: 1000
SUMMARY: Episode tag for 3.10 'Probie'. The sun should never set upon an argument - because you never know if you will get a chance to apologize in the morning - Written for prompt #30 "Lyric Challenge - Affirmation" for ncis1000words & prompt #18 "Night Time" for 24_times
NOTES: This is a part of Jenny's diary, I'm writing for NaNo. I promised I would translate parts of it. Here's the first part ;) Not beta'd.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own these characters (although I'd love to own Action Figure Gibbs), nor am I making any money from them. If I would Season 5 would have ended different.
"You countermanded me in front of Metro Police."
"I didn’t countermand you. You overruled me." - "Oh, semantics."
"Is that like doppelganger?" - "Get a dictionary."
(3.10 "Probie")
~*~*~*~*~
There are moments in my life when I deeply regret having returned to DC.
I'd worked hard for this day to come and the return was long planned, but parts of my journey were anything but planned, and now these things came back to haunt me. Now I have to pay the price for them.
Returning to DC also meant coming back to Jethro to deal with him, and at the same time forget everything that had ever happened between us.
I'd promised myself, once I was back it would be the first day of my new life. My plan was to leave everything from my past behind and start over.
Defying Gravity.
Denying everything that had happened - especially the parts that would be counterproductive for my future.
In the beginning it'd felt so easy, and I believed the doubts I'd had would soon become something to laugh about.
It turned out I was wrong.
Right from the start I failed. I'm trying so hard to act like a director, behave like Jethro's boss, ignoring the feelings deep inside of me every time I see him, hear his voice or read his name in one of the case files, waiting on my desk in huge piles that look like a modern sculpture of the Leaning Tower of Pisa.
Jethro is everywhere. I can't move an inch without running into him or be reminded of him and of what we had.
Denial … that's not a river in Egypt, it's a freakin' ocean. And I'm slowly drowning in it.
I can't escape. I can't reach the coast, and what's the worst part of all of this: Deep inside of me I don't want to escape or be saved. I want to stay right where I am, and I hate myself for this.
Jethro is like the worst drug mankind ever discovered. I can't live with him but I can't live without him either. I hate to fight with him everyday, but I also love it. I take every opportunity to pick up a fight, and I'm sure he's doing the same thing. Because he needs this as much as I do.
Very soon we started to fall into old pattern, mixing our personal and professional life. We started to remind us constantly of what we had, of what I tried to forget or find things that we've to deal with that feel so familiar because they remind us of something we've dealt with in our past. Together.
Sharing so many experiences can be beneficial for the job, but it can also turn your daily life into hell. The constant reminder of us being partners is anything but good for what I have to do when I deal with Jethro on the job. I have to be his boss, I have to give him orders he has to follow, and he has no right to push me around like I'm still his probie.
I know I have to be professional around him and I have to make my point without acting like a prima donna, screaming at him or take everything personally. I can't act like I did today: childish and snappy.
I had every reason to be angry at him for his behavior today, but I think if I would've reacted a little less emotional, everything may have turned out much easier and I probably wouldn't sit here in the middle of the night, trying to deal with my frustration.
I just can't calm down to find some sleep. The stupid case and the even more stupid argument I had with Jethro just won't let me.
I'm worried that this case might be bad for the agency as well as for our relationship with other federal authorities. But what's eating my up the most is that Jethro and I parted in the middle of an argument; something I promised myself to avoid whenever possible.
Fighting is good, and sometimes it's inevitable, but what I hate is not to end a fight before leaving for the night, without making up or at least having one kind word for one another.
What if you wake up the next day and learn that something had happened and you won't get another chance to apologize?
Accidents happen and often when you least expect them to happen. For one second you're walking down the street and in the next you got hit by a bus or shot by some lunatic.
How can you live with the knowledge that the other might have died, memorizing you as the one he'd fought with minutes before his death; that his last thought is the fight and not that you will miss him?
I know that when you die you probably won't have the time to think, but still … The possibility alone scares me. And it's not only that one may die with the memory of a fight, but rather the fact that the death itself also means you'll never get the chance to say you're sorry. There will never be a chance for forgiveness.
How can you live with this? Especially when you fought with someone you really care about?
Losing someone you like is always hard, but losing him after a fight … I'm not sure I could live with this.
I don't know if Jethro feels the same way, if he's still awake, thinking about our argument. I wonder if he, too, might have grabbed his phone at least a hundred times, trying to call, but never did.
I wanted to but didn't, because I don't know what to tell him, if he'd listen to or if he'd just hang up on me; and I'm still not sure if I should even be the one apologizing, because in the end I just did my job.
As director I had to argue with him.
But as a friend ...
Sighing, I pick up the phone, dialing the familiar number, because I know I won't find any sleep without calling him first.
- The End -
AUTHOR: nicis_anatomy
CHARACTER: Jenny Shepard
GENRE: Gen, General, Episode tag
RATING: PG
WORD COUNT: 1000
SUMMARY: Episode tag for 3.10 'Probie'. The sun should never set upon an argument - because you never know if you will get a chance to apologize in the morning - Written for prompt #30 "Lyric Challenge - Affirmation" for ncis1000words & prompt #18 "Night Time" for 24_times
NOTES: This is a part of Jenny's diary, I'm writing for NaNo. I promised I would translate parts of it. Here's the first part ;) Not beta'd.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own these characters (although I'd love to own Action Figure Gibbs), nor am I making any money from them. If I would Season 5 would have ended different.
"You countermanded me in front of Metro Police."
"I didn’t countermand you. You overruled me." - "Oh, semantics."
"Is that like doppelganger?" - "Get a dictionary."
(3.10 "Probie")
~*~*~*~*~
There are moments in my life when I deeply regret having returned to DC.
I'd worked hard for this day to come and the return was long planned, but parts of my journey were anything but planned, and now these things came back to haunt me. Now I have to pay the price for them.
Returning to DC also meant coming back to Jethro to deal with him, and at the same time forget everything that had ever happened between us.
I'd promised myself, once I was back it would be the first day of my new life. My plan was to leave everything from my past behind and start over.
Defying Gravity.
Denying everything that had happened - especially the parts that would be counterproductive for my future.
In the beginning it'd felt so easy, and I believed the doubts I'd had would soon become something to laugh about.
It turned out I was wrong.
Right from the start I failed. I'm trying so hard to act like a director, behave like Jethro's boss, ignoring the feelings deep inside of me every time I see him, hear his voice or read his name in one of the case files, waiting on my desk in huge piles that look like a modern sculpture of the Leaning Tower of Pisa.
Jethro is everywhere. I can't move an inch without running into him or be reminded of him and of what we had.
Denial … that's not a river in Egypt, it's a freakin' ocean. And I'm slowly drowning in it.
I can't escape. I can't reach the coast, and what's the worst part of all of this: Deep inside of me I don't want to escape or be saved. I want to stay right where I am, and I hate myself for this.
Jethro is like the worst drug mankind ever discovered. I can't live with him but I can't live without him either. I hate to fight with him everyday, but I also love it. I take every opportunity to pick up a fight, and I'm sure he's doing the same thing. Because he needs this as much as I do.
Very soon we started to fall into old pattern, mixing our personal and professional life. We started to remind us constantly of what we had, of what I tried to forget or find things that we've to deal with that feel so familiar because they remind us of something we've dealt with in our past. Together.
Sharing so many experiences can be beneficial for the job, but it can also turn your daily life into hell. The constant reminder of us being partners is anything but good for what I have to do when I deal with Jethro on the job. I have to be his boss, I have to give him orders he has to follow, and he has no right to push me around like I'm still his probie.
I know I have to be professional around him and I have to make my point without acting like a prima donna, screaming at him or take everything personally. I can't act like I did today: childish and snappy.
I had every reason to be angry at him for his behavior today, but I think if I would've reacted a little less emotional, everything may have turned out much easier and I probably wouldn't sit here in the middle of the night, trying to deal with my frustration.
I just can't calm down to find some sleep. The stupid case and the even more stupid argument I had with Jethro just won't let me.
I'm worried that this case might be bad for the agency as well as for our relationship with other federal authorities. But what's eating my up the most is that Jethro and I parted in the middle of an argument; something I promised myself to avoid whenever possible.
Fighting is good, and sometimes it's inevitable, but what I hate is not to end a fight before leaving for the night, without making up or at least having one kind word for one another.
What if you wake up the next day and learn that something had happened and you won't get another chance to apologize?
Accidents happen and often when you least expect them to happen. For one second you're walking down the street and in the next you got hit by a bus or shot by some lunatic.
How can you live with the knowledge that the other might have died, memorizing you as the one he'd fought with minutes before his death; that his last thought is the fight and not that you will miss him?
I know that when you die you probably won't have the time to think, but still … The possibility alone scares me. And it's not only that one may die with the memory of a fight, but rather the fact that the death itself also means you'll never get the chance to say you're sorry. There will never be a chance for forgiveness.
How can you live with this? Especially when you fought with someone you really care about?
Losing someone you like is always hard, but losing him after a fight … I'm not sure I could live with this.
I don't know if Jethro feels the same way, if he's still awake, thinking about our argument. I wonder if he, too, might have grabbed his phone at least a hundred times, trying to call, but never did.
I wanted to but didn't, because I don't know what to tell him, if he'd listen to or if he'd just hang up on me; and I'm still not sure if I should even be the one apologizing, because in the end I just did my job.
As director I had to argue with him.
But as a friend ...
Sighing, I pick up the phone, dialing the familiar number, because I know I won't find any sleep without calling him first.
- The End -