wasting time
i am for some reason frustrated by the apparent immaturity of a guy i had a half hearted attempt at a relationship with. some people are so weird, you can never figure them out no matter how much you try. he defriended me on myspace. what the crap. i shouldn't be bothered by this, i just don't like rejection or people not liking me. i don't know what happened for him to stop calling me. i almost want to ask him and just work it out and be friends, but he wasn't worth the time and effort anyway. at least not for me, i'm sure he will be for someone else. but not the right guy for me. i just don't understand though. guys are so weird. i don't like the dating game. it sucks. at least this wasn't someone that i was really digging. but regardless, i've had two failed attempts. i didn't go about things the right way myself either, so i guess i can't say i blame them in their misinterpretation of me. i think i've gotten less cool. like when it counts, when you have to be the most you and show who "you" really are in those crucial first encounters with someone i must not shine through. perhaps thats fate, perhaps i'm not totally into them, and its not meant to be if my bubbly quirkiness doen't automatically surface. i think too, maybe i'm getting shy after these small rejections and they are chopping away at my self esteem. i've always been sexy and flirty but i fear my personality is...lacking? never! i don't like all this self analysis crap on behalf of a manipulative guy. so i'll stop and go take a shower, halfway clean up my apt, and head home to mama. she makes everything better. and the turkey is waiting!! happy turkey day all, a day early.