(no subject)
photo by jaybird
its six o clock in the morning and my body decided that it was time to wake up for a while. i feel as if i have been neglecting this journal so i'm forcing myself to sit a the computer and write. things aren't exactly the way i wish they were. are they ever when i decided to write in this thing? well in the past month i went completely broke, was robbed, and also told that we're "just friends". the last thing on this list isn't actually that bad considering i am still crushing and the two of us are still hanging out and it gave me one more thing to bitch about. the more i write out these stupid complaints the more i start to laugh at myself for how ridiculous life can be.
having your things stolen absolutely sucks. its bad enough just to misplace something. when it's stolen it is for sure gone for good. the person who stole my things was not someone i even invited into my home, my roomate did. everything happened the weekend of the zine symposium when i was barely home and helping organize very early in the morning and very late into the night. the police are involved (which is another problem on its own that i wont discuss) and a lot still hasn't been resolved. i miss my stuff. it's even worse when it's the last of your cash and things you spent a lot of money on or hold of lot of memories with. especially my grandmothers things.
next sunday is the day i should be jumping in a car with rosemary and heading up to alaska but life really shit on me this summer and it looks as if i have to cancel and say no to going. by september tenth i have to find a new place to live (who would want to stay somewhere where the negative will always outweigh the positives) and that it not going as well as hoped. also it was in my original plans to stay up in alaska until sometime around the seventeenth which would never be realistic. this whole thing is absolutely breaking my heart right now. i spent the last couple bucks on expediting a passport i cannot even use. my mental health was almost relying on this. and the amount of beautiful faces i will be missing out on is tearing me apart.
for now i will try to breathe and stay calm