curse sir walter raleigh, he was such a stupid git
There will be no sleeping. There will be nothing. Nothing is what I have to give, and nothing is what I take. The beatles equation was correct, and I am lying outside of the factors of it, meditating on the passing shorelines and powerlines and marking time. Counting. Down. "Anchor"s away. etc. etc. etc.
Fuck, I can't sleep. I feel like terrible, and terrible feels familiar. It's been quite a lot of hours awake. I still haven't slept, and now I'm not tired. I've crossed the threshold into sleeplessly wired. "I know it seems that I don't care, but something in me does I swear. I don't remember all last year." BUT I'M NOT FUCKING TIRED.
Oh god, I am. I am exhausted, drained, empty, just not fucking here. This eternal back and forth and forth and back has scrambled my brains enough that I don't know what I want nor do I know how to get it, though I want to destroy (poss-i-blie). Adventure seems nice, when neurons react properly, but not now not now not now NOT FUCKING NOW.
Ex marked the spot, sums added and subtracted, and somehow my sums keep subtracting and dividing. Solve for x'ed out. SOLVE. DO IT. DO IT NOW. DO IT RIGHT. oh fuck, what the hell am I talking about? I don't even know. I never do anymore. I can fake it fine enough, I suppose, but how can you even tell? Do you? Do tell. Count down to it. Don't count on me to do anything but let you down. Though.
Etc. etc. etc.
and here's the ellipses, because that's how it always goes, right?
. . .
Fuck, I can't sleep. I feel like terrible, and terrible feels familiar. It's been quite a lot of hours awake. I still haven't slept, and now I'm not tired. I've crossed the threshold into sleeplessly wired. "I know it seems that I don't care, but something in me does I swear. I don't remember all last year." BUT I'M NOT FUCKING TIRED.
Oh god, I am. I am exhausted, drained, empty, just not fucking here. This eternal back and forth and forth and back has scrambled my brains enough that I don't know what I want nor do I know how to get it, though I want to destroy (poss-i-blie). Adventure seems nice, when neurons react properly, but not now not now not now NOT FUCKING NOW.
Ex marked the spot, sums added and subtracted, and somehow my sums keep subtracting and dividing. Solve for x'ed out. SOLVE. DO IT. DO IT NOW. DO IT RIGHT. oh fuck, what the hell am I talking about? I don't even know. I never do anymore. I can fake it fine enough, I suppose, but how can you even tell? Do you? Do tell. Count down to it. Don't count on me to do anything but let you down. Though.
Etc. etc. etc.
and here's the ellipses, because that's how it always goes, right?
. . .