An Open Letter....
Dear Life,
Well, we're at the zenith of another year, and while 2006 has had it's bright spots, I can't wait for it to be officially over. I almost want to go out and celebrate that fact, but not enough to leave the comfort of my house and kitties.
Let's address the good things first, shall we? I am extremely grateful for the house I live in. It saved me from having a total meltdown from living on Sand Point. And while I realize that I was part of the problem, trying to recapture the really good memories of living there previously;let's face it, both the building and the neighborhood have taken a giant turn for the worse. It was just too similar to living in Lake City. Luck in the form of a kind and generous co-worker came to my door and for once I was sensible enough to accept. Many times I can't believe I live here, I can't believe how lucky I am. Truth be told, it makes me afraid sometimes, like I'm racking up a huge debt I can't pay. I don't feel like I deserve it. But I'm so thankful. This house has brought a sense of comfort and peace-it welcomes me at the end of every day and folds me in and locks out the world. It's given me a space to breathe and to welcome in all my friends and in turn give them a space to relax in. No one ever comes here that doesn't immediately feel at home, and I love knowing that. I even get to have the kitties, and that has been great.
I'm thankful that I continue to have wonderful friends. This year marked an increase in the number of times we were able to be together, and I look to the new year to increase that number even more. I'm thankful for old friends here, new friends made and the reparation of friendships I thought I had lost for good. May they all continue to flourish. I am grateful for my family real and extended-and may we all a calm and peaceful year coming to us.
Speaking of which-I now have to address a gripe and a request in one breath for 2007.
ENOUGH ALREADY!
Okay, I know that as one advances in age the likelihood that people will get sick and or pass away increases, but come on! And yeah, I know bad things happen to people all the time and that now one is exempt from it, but really, enough is enough. I thought that I'd be able to creep out of 2006 without any catastrophes, but no such luck. Okay, no catastrophes, exactly but a few last shitty hurrahs before the wick goes out was already on my life roster, I guess. First-Milton's surgery. While I was relatively certain that everything would go well, and it did-it was hard for me to watch him be so worried and frightened and not be able to do anything about it. And I hate nursing homes like I hate hospitals, I found out. While they don't make me feel dizzy and about to pass out and no one has to hold my hand when I go in, I can still feel my anxiety shoot up and I have to curb the impulse to run back out the door. I'd like to have long visits with Milton whilst he's stuck there, but I can only handle it for so long. Then, the twin's car crash. Thankfully, everyone is safe-but now Ben and Michelle have to hope their insurance will be good to them so that they can replace their (almost) new car. They really can't afford it otherwise. Like most of us, they have no extra money. And then yesterday I got news that the mother of a friend had passed away. It's really a kindness, since she had been ill, but it still doesn't erase the impact especially when you're having Christmas shoved down your throat by everyone else around you.
So a request-can we all get a fucking break for a year? Give us all a chance to breathe and relax, won't you? A year isn't so much to ask, and it's not like I'm asking for world peace. No illnesses, no deaths, no accidents,no health scares even. I feel like there has been this snowball effect since the shitty holiday season of 2003 and between you and me, I still feel like I'm running on empty. Every time I started to recharge there would be another blow until I spent most of the time just bracing myself for the next attack. No one has to win the lottery or become a movie star. Just calm. That's all. Please. For all our sakes-the world is shitty enough without facing trouble around every turn in your daily life, you know?
Okay, I wouldn't mind an escape from the wasteland of the Bookstore for me and Tonyia, but I'll try not to push it.
That's all for now. The Marx Brothers are waiting on Turner Classic Movies to help me welcome in the New Year, although there's a good chance I be asleep already.