Beware the Superman (11/19)
Title: Beware the Superman
Rating: R
Pairings: James/Carlos, Kendall/Logan
Words: 76,216
Summary: What really matters in life, what makes someone human? Having someone to love or the ability to be able to love back?
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19
Chapter 11: Guess How Much I Love You
~
"I'm sick of it! I'm sick of this apartment, I'm sick of this town and I'm sick of you!" Kendall screamed out, throwing down the bag of groceries and hearing the eggs crack. Logan stepped back, glare in the brown eyes as Kendall continued to seethe, "You just don't care about us anymore! It's always 'I want this' or 'I want that', why can't you just be happy with what's here?"
"I am happy!"
"No you're not! I. . .I can see it. That look you always get when you're talking to your doctor of an older brother, lawyer of an older sister, your mother that wants grandchildren. . .I'm trying, Logan. I'm trying real hard for you to be satisfied with me but-"
"I am satisfied with you. Just. . .clean this mess up," Logan said with a sigh that Kendall grew irritated at.
"Can't we at least talk?"
"There's nothing to talk about, Kendall."
"Will you stop that! Stop trying to shut me out!"
"I'm not doing anything! Maybe I'll be happier if you would stop yelling at me!"
Kendall's hands balled into fists, "Oh yeah, maybe you'll be happier if you didn't have to hear my voice at all. You don't want me, you want a woman that can give you children. Or a partner that has all the money that could get you the things you need instead of someone trying to get a little shop started."
Logan slammed his hand on the counter, shooting a look over at Kendall with lips twisted, "Maybe you're right. Maybe I do want someone else. . .this just isn't working."
"Oh, two years together and you want to say it isn't working?"
"I just need some space right now!" Logan shouted and Kendall growled, turning on his heel.
"Fine then, take your space! You can kill yourself for all I care!"
No. . .he didn't mean it. . .
"We're going to lose our home. We're going to be out in the streets and all you can think about is your stupid shop!" Logan shouted.
"I'm trying! I'm trying, will you just shut up and get off my back?! What about you, huh? Your stupid cartoons aren't keeping our home!"
"I'm trying to go to school at least! My art is something on the side!"
"School for what? Why don't you just give up, you don't really want to be a doctor anyways."
"Because that's going to help us! Not some stupid shop!"
"I told you I'm trying! You're never happy with what I do, why don't you just leave?!"
Please. . .don't go. . .
"Logan. . .Logan, please let me come inside. I can help you-"
"Y-You can't do a-anything now! It's too late, h-he's g-gone," Kendall heard Logan sob from behind the door and Kendall gave a small frown.
"Logan, I'm only trying to help-"
"You can't! Just leave me alone!"
"I know what it's like to lose a father too, you know! But at least you had a chance to be with yours, I don't even know where my father went!" Kendall shouted.
"Leave me alone, Kendall!"
"I'm trying to help you! Just let me in!"
"Get away! Just leave!"
"You always do this! You never want me to help you, you never want me around, why am I still here then?! Why are we together?!"
He was so sorry. . .he was so sorry. . .
"My father is dead. . .we don't have money. . .we're losing our home. . ."
"W-We'll get through this. I'm trying."
". . .You're not trying hard enough."
"Yes I am! Logan, why can't you just trust me? I can take care of us."
". . .You can't. Not like this."
". . .Well then maybe one of us needs to go."
". . .Maybe one of us does."
He still loved him. . .he still loved him. . .
The bouquet of flowers was clutched tight in his hand as he walked into the apartment. Kendall glanced at the calendar, today made it three years that Logan and him were together. He didn't hear Logan in the apartment, Kendall slipping off his shoes and glancing around. He walked down the hall, seeing that the door to the bedroom was cracked and he slowly approached with roses hidden behind his back. It may have not been much but that was all he could afford. He was getting another job, another job that could support the two of them. It was all he could do. . .he was trying.
Kendall pushed open the door, giving a small smile and opening his mouth to say a soft 'Happy Anniversary' but a scent flew into his nose. The scent of blood. Kendall's head peeked behind the door, seeing Logan lying on the bed with skin pale and it took Kendall a moment to realize that in those relaxed fingers was a blade with edge covered in crimson blood. And the sheets were blood red. And Logan wasn't breathing as Kendall felt the roses fall from his hand and face turned into pained and distraught expression.
"LOGAN!"
He felt the pillow was wet, Kendall's eyes flying open and heart racing. The blond let out another sob, bringing the pillow up to his face to cry. He tried. . .he tried so hard. . .why couldn't Logan be happy? Why didn't Logan love him enough to not leave him? He tried. . .he tried. . .
He failed.
The brunette android was humming a soft melody, not noticing Kendall at all as the blond made his way from the bedroom. Kendall didn't make a noise, watching with sick stomach as Logan worked on his breakfast that Kendall would pick at and push around before finally eating with sour face. Not that the food tasted bad, just that it always bothered Kendall to see Logan cook when in the past. . .
"I think you missed a spot, Betty Crocker," Kendall heard Logan playfully tease and felt the brunette place a dollop of fudge syrup on Kendall's nose.
"Hah-hah, very funny," Kendall said dryly and Logan laughed as Kendall placed fudge syrup on Logan's nose and lips. Logan laughed, leaning up to give Kendall a chaste kiss to the blond's lips and Kendall hummed with smile on his face. So sweet, chocolate and soft.
"Kendall? Are you alright?" Kendall heard someone say and he shook his head, looking up to see Logan glancing over his shoulder at him.
"I'm fine," Kendall said distantly, moving to the table to sit down and focus his attention on the roses in the vase. Freshly cut American Beauties from the garden, Kendall was growing sick of seeing these roses. The same color of Logan's blood mixed in the sheets, the same color of Logan's wrists when the brunette dug the blade through the skin, the same color of Kendall's hands when Kendall tried his best to hold the lifeless body, to beg and cry and apologize and say he tried so hard to make Logan happy.
As if all of that would have been enough to make Logan open his eyes and say it was all a cruel joke.
A plate was placed in front of him, pancakes and sausage links with toast. Kendall glanced over at Logan, the android giving a soft smile that made Kendall sick. Logan gave his head a gentle cock to the side.
"Is the food alright? You like pancakes, don't you?"
"I'm fine, just leave me alone," Kendall muttered and Logan didn't say anything, just gave a hurt nod of the head and moved to go back into the kitchen to wash dishes. The sound of running water began and Kendall began to pick at the food. Everything felt. . .so bad. And everything in Kendall's body ached in pain. He wasn't hungry, he didn't want to eat. Matter of fact, he just felt like crawling back into bed and wrapping himself up in the bedsheets with no intention to come back out of the room.
"Kendall?" Logan called out and Kendall glanced up, seeing the android walking back over and drying his hands. He took a seat next to the blond, Kendall beginning to grow wary as the two sat in silence with Logan just twiddling his fingers. Logan turned to look at him, ". . .Is there anything I can do for you?"
"No there isn't. Just leave me alone," Kendall said more strongly, hoping Logan would leave but the android stayed put.
". . .I just want to help. I'm trying to make you happy," Logan said softly and Kendall's eyes widened as he dropped the fork onto the plate. Trying. . .trying. . .
"No you're not," Kendall said, voice shaking and looking at Logan with enraged eyes, "You left me. You didn't want me! Why are you here?! Why are you torturing me like this?! You. . .get away from me! Get away!" Kendall screamed, fist swinging out to hit Logan and the android dodged the hit. The blond felt tears burning at the corners of his eyes, scrunching them tight to keep them from sliding onto his cheeks, "I was trying. . .I tried and you left me. You didn't think I could do it, you didn't think I could help you. Why did you leave me? Why did you leave me all alone?" he said through clenched teeth and let out a strangled cough. The android watched with uncertain and worried eyes as Kendall slumped back into his chair and placed face in his hands to let out slow breaths and sobs.
". . .But you're not alone," Logan said softly, walking over to place a gentle hand on Kendall's back. Kendall's head turned, looking up at Logan with red and puffy eyes. Kendall didn't say anything, slowly getting up from his spot on the chair and letting hands wet from tears cup the android's face. Logan's eyes fluttered as Kendall pulled his face closer with lips gently ghosting over the android's. So close, Kendall was so close and his heart was beginning to regain that speedy nervousness whenever he and Logan were about to share a kiss. . .
Only. . .this wasn't his Logan.
This would never be his Logan.
The lips never touched, Kendall pulling away and lips turning into a hurt smile.
"I am alone. I will always be alone," Kendall shakily said.
"No you won't. I'm here, Kendall. I'll love you-"
"Because you're programmed to love me. If you had a choice, would you still be here?" Kendall asked and Logan stepped back, "Well? You would leave, wouldn't you? You wouldn't want to stay with someone like me, would you? I wouldn't. . .I'm pathetic. I can't take care of anyone, I can't help anyone, I'm useless. . .no wonder Logan killed himself. . .I want to kill myself."
Arms were around Kendall in a second, the blond feeling Logan burying his face into his chest.
"Please don't. Don't do that, don't leave me," Logan said into Kendall's chest and Kendall placed hands on the brunette to push him away and look at him confused. "You don't understand. . .I was. . .I'm the worthless one."
"What are you talking about? Anyone would want to be able to have someone like you. No one would want someone like me."
"I don't have a free will, Kendall. . .if you left me. . .then my directive is complete and therefore, I will shut down," Logan replied and Kendall raised an eyebrow. Logan's smile grew even more distraught, "Mr. Stetson gave me no purpose other than to be with you. If not, I'll just turn off and proceed to rust. . .I'm not like Carlos and can adapt to one than more directive. . .I'm the one that's truly worthless."
Kendall stood in silence, looking at the android in slight shock and slight sickness. Logan. . .needed him. But why was he programmed to be like that? Why did Stetson screw with his programming? To just. . .turn off when Kendall was gone? Logan didn't really have a purpose other than to be with Kendall. . .and Kendall was making Logan's existence a whole lot more unbearable. Beating. . .yelling. . .and to find that he needs Kendall in order to just be made Kendall more sick. He was disgusting. . .
And Kendall found himself slowly walking out of the dining room to leave Logan be.
And crawled back into bed to lie down with eyes wide open.
The day was uneventful, as usual when Kendall had to return back to work. But he still felt shaken up, his stomach still feeling raw and his headache didn't disappear just yet. He glanced over at Carlos, the young android staring at everyone with much more intensity than he had before. Kendall didn't understand why, he didn't understand these Mirrors at all, yet, he was surrounded by them. And it drove Kendall absolutely insane that he was still trying to understand when he should have just gave up a long time ago. These weren't people he was dealing with, why should he try to understand them?
The door rang open, Kendall turning to focus attention on the new customers only to see Logan and James walking in, the android of the pair holding a bag of food inside. Logan settled the food on the counter, giving Kendall a soft smile.
"I just figured. . .you might like a nice lunch," Logan said, giving a small smile that Kendall didn't know what to say too. So he just took the food and gave a small nod in return.
"And I'm just here to pick Carlos up," James replied and Kendall turned back to Carlos, the android still staring at people with slight horror and curiosity.
"Sure, he's over there," Kendall replied and James nodded, walking over and giving Carlos a gentle pat on the shoulder. The android turned to look, almost taking a while to just even register that he was talking to James and the android rushed over to Logan and Kendall.
"Goodbye, Mr. Knight. Goodbye, Alpha," Carlos said with a smile and quickly moved out to catch up with James. Kendall gave a small smile to the non-present couple, turning to see that Logan was staring at the door with wide eyes and mouth agape.
"He. . .he called you Mr. Knight. . .and me Alpha," Logan muttered and Kendall glanced at the android.
"So?"
"He never called us that before. He only called us that when. . .he was still under Mr. Stetson's care. . .something's wrong," Logan said, biting his lip and looking at the door worriedly and Kendall rolled his eyes.
"I'm sure you're just making a big deal out of something not even bad. So he called us 'Mr. Knight' and 'Alpha', so what?"
". . .Something just doesn't feel right," Logan said quietly.
"Can I help you with anything, sir?" Dak asked the man that strolled into Colour Woods that afternoon. The man smiled, charming but still a little bit unsettling.
"Pardon me for asking but do you shop at Deke's Robotics?" he asked and Dak shook his head.
"Nah, stuff like that ain't my thing. I like to make things with my hands," Dak replied with a smile that the man warmly reciprocated.
"As do I. . .but have you stopped by in that store for any particular reason?"
Dak raised an eyebrow, "Um. . .yeah, I have. . .but just for something I was curious about."
"What might that be?" he asked and Dak eyed the man closely.
"Who are you?"
"I'm the person that has all the answers to what you were searching for at that store," the man said with a toothy grin, now looking hungry and calculating, "You wanted to know about Mirrors, correct? You wanted to know how they work and who they were assigned to. I know everything about them, I know their software programming. . .their dangerous settings. . ."
"Dangerous?" Dak said, eyes widening at the sound of that and the man gave an understanding nod.
"Oh yes. . .to tell you a secret, one of the Mirrors broke out of the facility and is roaming the streets. Who knows what kind of menace they could be if their defense program is initiated. Why, they have the potential to kill someone."
"K-Kill someone?" Dak stuttered out. James. . .James might be in danger. The brunette had work off and was at the apartment with Carlos. . .the android that might be more dangerous than Dak would have thought. The man crossed his arms, looking over Dak with concerned eyes.
"That's why it is important for me to find him and then deprogram that feature so he isn't a harm. I need to find him though. . .by any chance, have you seen a small Hispanic looking male? Appears to be around 16 or 17."
". . .Yes. . .I know where he is. . .I'll take you right to him if it means that my friend is going to be safe," Dak said urgently, taking off his smock and tossing it into the little laundry basket. The man was smiling, Dak assuming it was because he finally knew where Carlos was. From the looks of the heavy circles under the man's eyelids, it looks like he hadn't been sleeping for days. "You still didn't tell me who you are. How do you know so much on the Mirror program?"
"Because. . .I had a hand in the Mirror Program. I assure you, I only want to make sure that everyone is alright in the end. You don't know how dangerous it could be to have a machine like that out and about," the man said with a grin that Dak didn't know whether to give back or to become wary of.
Something didn't feel right.
James fished through the drawer, pulling out a pair of underwear for him to slip on. He discarded the towel wrapped around his waist, sticking one leg then the other into the boxer briefs and pulled them up. He didn't hear Carlos' shower going, the android must have either got out or was having trouble just getting it started. He stepped away from the dresser, beginning to walk over to the bathroom to see what was going on when the bedroom door busted open and out ran a wet and nude Carlos, giggling and laughing loudly. The android slammed into James, the two of them colliding to the carpeted floor with Carlos on top and looking down at James with shock.
"I'm sorry, James!" Carlos apologized but James said nothing. He felt it, he felt his length beginning to harden at the feeling of Carlos' nude body on top of his already under-dressed body. Carlos smelled sweet, Carlos looked innocent and utterly beautiful, James wanted him. James wanted to touch and caress and kiss that body until he was sure the scent of sweetness lingered on his own skin. He wanted it, he craved it. James' hand slowly went up, gliding along Carlos' damp cheek and went into the wet locks as Carlos leaned into his touch. The android hummed, little smile on his face that began to falter when James' other hand moved to clamp on Carlos' hip.
"James?" Carlos asked but James remained silent, admiring the beauty of Carlos' skin. Soft still even when wet, his mouth was watering. He wanted Carlos, he felt his heart beating quick with desire and his hand slipped from Carlos' hip to the small of his back. The android looked at James, afraid and confused and James' lip twisted. He shouldn't be doing this. . .he really shouldn't be trying to go this far. . .
But James wanted Carlos so bad.
Maybe. . .he could show Carlos how good it might feel.
The hand that was in Carlos' hair trailed down to the lightly toned chest and gently began to push. And that was when Carlos' eyes went impossibly wide.
"No! Please don't! Please not again! Stop! STOP!" Carlos screamed and James' hand quickly retreated as well as getting out from under the nude android. What was going on? What was-
"James? James, are you in here?" James heard Dak call out and the brunette's eyes went wide.
"D-Dak, don't come in here!" James shouted out and Dak must believe today was Opposite Day for the brunette neighbor opened the door to the bedroom a couple seconds later. His eyes fell on James in his underwear then onto Carlos, the android's eyes black and holding himself as if he was trying to guard something.
"What's going on? Why is he-"
"Dak, I can explain-"
"Is he in here?" James heard another voice and he grew even more embarrassed as another man entered the bedroom. Seriously, why was Dak inviting people to come into his apartment? Not like he lived here too. The man looked at James, almost disgusted with James' state of dress (then again, it was probably weird to catch a stranger in their underwear) but when the man looked at Carlos, his eyes grew horrified and enraged. "Beta!"
Carlos turned, looking at the man with confused eyes that slowly went wide with fear.
". . .Father?" Carlos slowly said and James got onto his feet, stepping in front of Carlos warily.
"Dak, who's this guy?" James asked slowly but Dak was looking at the man with wary eyes as well.
"I am his creator. And I'm here to take him back to where he belongs," the man said darkly, that cold stare James remembering from the photograph on the Internet. Of the man standing behind three figures with faces obscured. James stepped back more, trying to guard Carlos as best as he could as Dak stepped in front of him with hands raised out.
"Look, I know you're probably mad that something like Carlos got out but believe me when I say we've been taking good care of him. Kind of want to know how he works a little better but-"
"Take care of him, huh? Then why is he naked? Why is this man," he pointed a finger at James, "undressed? And both of them in the bedroom?"
"It's not what it looks like. You can't take Carlos away," James said through gritted teeth and the man laughed loudly.
"That so? I'd like to see you try and stop me," he huskily growled and James' eyes widened as he saw the man quickly pull out some sort of blue device. A few seconds later, Dak crumpled to the ground, holding his leg and screaming loud. James moved quickly to Carlos, wrapping arms around the android that was looking at the man with wide and confused eyes.
"Stay away! He's happy here! Leave him alone!" James shouted and the man's eyes grew dark.
"Happy? How could he be happy here when you two don't mean a thing to him? Beta, tell me when you look at that man's face, what do you see?" he asked, gesturing over to Dak's pained and slowly growing drowsy face. Carlos' eyes squinted, almost like he was having trouble seeing the way that Dak's eyes were scrunched tight and his lips were curled in distress.
". . .Nothing. . .it doesn't have a face, Father," Carlos said slowly and James' eyes widened, horrified. 'It' doesn't have a face? But how is that possible when Carlos would always smile at Dak's smile when the neighbor brought him new books to read? Or when Dak laughed and Carlos would have the urge to laugh along with him? Carlos couldn't see Dak's face, the face that was now lulled to sleep from the shot administered by the device.
"And that thing that's holding you, it doesn't have a face either, does it Beta?" the man asked, sick smile coming over his face as Carlos looked at him with wide eyes. He had to see his face, Carlos had to be able to see his face. He had to see his eyes that looked upon him with want and love, those lips that smiled at almost everything the android did and desperately wanted to touch Carlos' own soft and plush ones. Carlos' eyebrows were furrowing, like he was fighting with something going on in his head and a hand moved up to gently cup James' cheek.
". . .James. . ." Carlos said softly and James smiled, holding the hand that held his face.
"Yes, James. Carlos, I'm right here. I'll be right here for-"
James felt a burning sensation in his leg and made the brunette wince in pain. He felt numb, his body feeling paralyzed as the man drew closer and tucked the tranquilizer device into his pocket. Carlos' eyes were widening, trying to hold onto James tight as 'Father' held onto Carlos' bare shoulders. James couldn't even muster energy to swing the man away, his entire body felt stiff as stone and his eyelids were beginning to grow extremely heavy.
"Please Father, please don't take me away from James! I. . .I want to be with James now, Father," Carlos said softly and the man's eyes grew impossibly wide, James was sure his would too if he weren't feeling so damn tired. "I want to. . .understand. I want to understand how to love. . .show me how to love James, Father," Carlos said sweetly, holding onto James tighter and James gave a weak smile.
". . .You will never love someone as flawed and weak as him. You only deserve me and you won't be remembering his face for long," the man said darkly, hand shooting behind Carlos' head and the android's eyes grew wide before falling close and body going limp. He fell into the man's grasp, James struggling to move to stop him but failing miserably.
"Get away from Carlos! Where are you taking him?!" James shouted, though feeling himself growing drowsy.
The man laughed, crouching down to scoop Carlos into his arms, the android not putting up any fight, and James gritted his teeth.
"There is no Carlos. There never was," he heard the man say and James heard the shuffling of feet moving past him. No, no. . .what was going on? How could this happen so quickly? Carlos. . .Carlos was. . .
James felt himself fading in and out of consciousness, the only thing he could hear was 'Don't worry, Beta. Father will take good care of you and you'll never want anything or anyone else again.'
That was all James remembered before everything went black.
Rating: R
Pairings: James/Carlos, Kendall/Logan
Words: 76,216
Summary: What really matters in life, what makes someone human? Having someone to love or the ability to be able to love back?
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19
Chapter 11: Guess How Much I Love You
~
"I'm sick of it! I'm sick of this apartment, I'm sick of this town and I'm sick of you!" Kendall screamed out, throwing down the bag of groceries and hearing the eggs crack. Logan stepped back, glare in the brown eyes as Kendall continued to seethe, "You just don't care about us anymore! It's always 'I want this' or 'I want that', why can't you just be happy with what's here?"
"I am happy!"
"No you're not! I. . .I can see it. That look you always get when you're talking to your doctor of an older brother, lawyer of an older sister, your mother that wants grandchildren. . .I'm trying, Logan. I'm trying real hard for you to be satisfied with me but-"
"I am satisfied with you. Just. . .clean this mess up," Logan said with a sigh that Kendall grew irritated at.
"Can't we at least talk?"
"There's nothing to talk about, Kendall."
"Will you stop that! Stop trying to shut me out!"
"I'm not doing anything! Maybe I'll be happier if you would stop yelling at me!"
Kendall's hands balled into fists, "Oh yeah, maybe you'll be happier if you didn't have to hear my voice at all. You don't want me, you want a woman that can give you children. Or a partner that has all the money that could get you the things you need instead of someone trying to get a little shop started."
Logan slammed his hand on the counter, shooting a look over at Kendall with lips twisted, "Maybe you're right. Maybe I do want someone else. . .this just isn't working."
"Oh, two years together and you want to say it isn't working?"
"I just need some space right now!" Logan shouted and Kendall growled, turning on his heel.
"Fine then, take your space! You can kill yourself for all I care!"
No. . .he didn't mean it. . .
"We're going to lose our home. We're going to be out in the streets and all you can think about is your stupid shop!" Logan shouted.
"I'm trying! I'm trying, will you just shut up and get off my back?! What about you, huh? Your stupid cartoons aren't keeping our home!"
"I'm trying to go to school at least! My art is something on the side!"
"School for what? Why don't you just give up, you don't really want to be a doctor anyways."
"Because that's going to help us! Not some stupid shop!"
"I told you I'm trying! You're never happy with what I do, why don't you just leave?!"
Please. . .don't go. . .
"Logan. . .Logan, please let me come inside. I can help you-"
"Y-You can't do a-anything now! It's too late, h-he's g-gone," Kendall heard Logan sob from behind the door and Kendall gave a small frown.
"Logan, I'm only trying to help-"
"You can't! Just leave me alone!"
"I know what it's like to lose a father too, you know! But at least you had a chance to be with yours, I don't even know where my father went!" Kendall shouted.
"Leave me alone, Kendall!"
"I'm trying to help you! Just let me in!"
"Get away! Just leave!"
"You always do this! You never want me to help you, you never want me around, why am I still here then?! Why are we together?!"
He was so sorry. . .he was so sorry. . .
"My father is dead. . .we don't have money. . .we're losing our home. . ."
"W-We'll get through this. I'm trying."
". . .You're not trying hard enough."
"Yes I am! Logan, why can't you just trust me? I can take care of us."
". . .You can't. Not like this."
". . .Well then maybe one of us needs to go."
". . .Maybe one of us does."
He still loved him. . .he still loved him. . .
The bouquet of flowers was clutched tight in his hand as he walked into the apartment. Kendall glanced at the calendar, today made it three years that Logan and him were together. He didn't hear Logan in the apartment, Kendall slipping off his shoes and glancing around. He walked down the hall, seeing that the door to the bedroom was cracked and he slowly approached with roses hidden behind his back. It may have not been much but that was all he could afford. He was getting another job, another job that could support the two of them. It was all he could do. . .he was trying.
Kendall pushed open the door, giving a small smile and opening his mouth to say a soft 'Happy Anniversary' but a scent flew into his nose. The scent of blood. Kendall's head peeked behind the door, seeing Logan lying on the bed with skin pale and it took Kendall a moment to realize that in those relaxed fingers was a blade with edge covered in crimson blood. And the sheets were blood red. And Logan wasn't breathing as Kendall felt the roses fall from his hand and face turned into pained and distraught expression.
"LOGAN!"
He felt the pillow was wet, Kendall's eyes flying open and heart racing. The blond let out another sob, bringing the pillow up to his face to cry. He tried. . .he tried so hard. . .why couldn't Logan be happy? Why didn't Logan love him enough to not leave him? He tried. . .he tried. . .
He failed.
The brunette android was humming a soft melody, not noticing Kendall at all as the blond made his way from the bedroom. Kendall didn't make a noise, watching with sick stomach as Logan worked on his breakfast that Kendall would pick at and push around before finally eating with sour face. Not that the food tasted bad, just that it always bothered Kendall to see Logan cook when in the past. . .
"I think you missed a spot, Betty Crocker," Kendall heard Logan playfully tease and felt the brunette place a dollop of fudge syrup on Kendall's nose.
"Hah-hah, very funny," Kendall said dryly and Logan laughed as Kendall placed fudge syrup on Logan's nose and lips. Logan laughed, leaning up to give Kendall a chaste kiss to the blond's lips and Kendall hummed with smile on his face. So sweet, chocolate and soft.
"Kendall? Are you alright?" Kendall heard someone say and he shook his head, looking up to see Logan glancing over his shoulder at him.
"I'm fine," Kendall said distantly, moving to the table to sit down and focus his attention on the roses in the vase. Freshly cut American Beauties from the garden, Kendall was growing sick of seeing these roses. The same color of Logan's blood mixed in the sheets, the same color of Logan's wrists when the brunette dug the blade through the skin, the same color of Kendall's hands when Kendall tried his best to hold the lifeless body, to beg and cry and apologize and say he tried so hard to make Logan happy.
As if all of that would have been enough to make Logan open his eyes and say it was all a cruel joke.
A plate was placed in front of him, pancakes and sausage links with toast. Kendall glanced over at Logan, the android giving a soft smile that made Kendall sick. Logan gave his head a gentle cock to the side.
"Is the food alright? You like pancakes, don't you?"
"I'm fine, just leave me alone," Kendall muttered and Logan didn't say anything, just gave a hurt nod of the head and moved to go back into the kitchen to wash dishes. The sound of running water began and Kendall began to pick at the food. Everything felt. . .so bad. And everything in Kendall's body ached in pain. He wasn't hungry, he didn't want to eat. Matter of fact, he just felt like crawling back into bed and wrapping himself up in the bedsheets with no intention to come back out of the room.
"Kendall?" Logan called out and Kendall glanced up, seeing the android walking back over and drying his hands. He took a seat next to the blond, Kendall beginning to grow wary as the two sat in silence with Logan just twiddling his fingers. Logan turned to look at him, ". . .Is there anything I can do for you?"
"No there isn't. Just leave me alone," Kendall said more strongly, hoping Logan would leave but the android stayed put.
". . .I just want to help. I'm trying to make you happy," Logan said softly and Kendall's eyes widened as he dropped the fork onto the plate. Trying. . .trying. . .
"No you're not," Kendall said, voice shaking and looking at Logan with enraged eyes, "You left me. You didn't want me! Why are you here?! Why are you torturing me like this?! You. . .get away from me! Get away!" Kendall screamed, fist swinging out to hit Logan and the android dodged the hit. The blond felt tears burning at the corners of his eyes, scrunching them tight to keep them from sliding onto his cheeks, "I was trying. . .I tried and you left me. You didn't think I could do it, you didn't think I could help you. Why did you leave me? Why did you leave me all alone?" he said through clenched teeth and let out a strangled cough. The android watched with uncertain and worried eyes as Kendall slumped back into his chair and placed face in his hands to let out slow breaths and sobs.
". . .But you're not alone," Logan said softly, walking over to place a gentle hand on Kendall's back. Kendall's head turned, looking up at Logan with red and puffy eyes. Kendall didn't say anything, slowly getting up from his spot on the chair and letting hands wet from tears cup the android's face. Logan's eyes fluttered as Kendall pulled his face closer with lips gently ghosting over the android's. So close, Kendall was so close and his heart was beginning to regain that speedy nervousness whenever he and Logan were about to share a kiss. . .
Only. . .this wasn't his Logan.
This would never be his Logan.
The lips never touched, Kendall pulling away and lips turning into a hurt smile.
"I am alone. I will always be alone," Kendall shakily said.
"No you won't. I'm here, Kendall. I'll love you-"
"Because you're programmed to love me. If you had a choice, would you still be here?" Kendall asked and Logan stepped back, "Well? You would leave, wouldn't you? You wouldn't want to stay with someone like me, would you? I wouldn't. . .I'm pathetic. I can't take care of anyone, I can't help anyone, I'm useless. . .no wonder Logan killed himself. . .I want to kill myself."
Arms were around Kendall in a second, the blond feeling Logan burying his face into his chest.
"Please don't. Don't do that, don't leave me," Logan said into Kendall's chest and Kendall placed hands on the brunette to push him away and look at him confused. "You don't understand. . .I was. . .I'm the worthless one."
"What are you talking about? Anyone would want to be able to have someone like you. No one would want someone like me."
"I don't have a free will, Kendall. . .if you left me. . .then my directive is complete and therefore, I will shut down," Logan replied and Kendall raised an eyebrow. Logan's smile grew even more distraught, "Mr. Stetson gave me no purpose other than to be with you. If not, I'll just turn off and proceed to rust. . .I'm not like Carlos and can adapt to one than more directive. . .I'm the one that's truly worthless."
Kendall stood in silence, looking at the android in slight shock and slight sickness. Logan. . .needed him. But why was he programmed to be like that? Why did Stetson screw with his programming? To just. . .turn off when Kendall was gone? Logan didn't really have a purpose other than to be with Kendall. . .and Kendall was making Logan's existence a whole lot more unbearable. Beating. . .yelling. . .and to find that he needs Kendall in order to just be made Kendall more sick. He was disgusting. . .
And Kendall found himself slowly walking out of the dining room to leave Logan be.
And crawled back into bed to lie down with eyes wide open.
The day was uneventful, as usual when Kendall had to return back to work. But he still felt shaken up, his stomach still feeling raw and his headache didn't disappear just yet. He glanced over at Carlos, the young android staring at everyone with much more intensity than he had before. Kendall didn't understand why, he didn't understand these Mirrors at all, yet, he was surrounded by them. And it drove Kendall absolutely insane that he was still trying to understand when he should have just gave up a long time ago. These weren't people he was dealing with, why should he try to understand them?
The door rang open, Kendall turning to focus attention on the new customers only to see Logan and James walking in, the android of the pair holding a bag of food inside. Logan settled the food on the counter, giving Kendall a soft smile.
"I just figured. . .you might like a nice lunch," Logan said, giving a small smile that Kendall didn't know what to say too. So he just took the food and gave a small nod in return.
"And I'm just here to pick Carlos up," James replied and Kendall turned back to Carlos, the android still staring at people with slight horror and curiosity.
"Sure, he's over there," Kendall replied and James nodded, walking over and giving Carlos a gentle pat on the shoulder. The android turned to look, almost taking a while to just even register that he was talking to James and the android rushed over to Logan and Kendall.
"Goodbye, Mr. Knight. Goodbye, Alpha," Carlos said with a smile and quickly moved out to catch up with James. Kendall gave a small smile to the non-present couple, turning to see that Logan was staring at the door with wide eyes and mouth agape.
"He. . .he called you Mr. Knight. . .and me Alpha," Logan muttered and Kendall glanced at the android.
"So?"
"He never called us that before. He only called us that when. . .he was still under Mr. Stetson's care. . .something's wrong," Logan said, biting his lip and looking at the door worriedly and Kendall rolled his eyes.
"I'm sure you're just making a big deal out of something not even bad. So he called us 'Mr. Knight' and 'Alpha', so what?"
". . .Something just doesn't feel right," Logan said quietly.
"Can I help you with anything, sir?" Dak asked the man that strolled into Colour Woods that afternoon. The man smiled, charming but still a little bit unsettling.
"Pardon me for asking but do you shop at Deke's Robotics?" he asked and Dak shook his head.
"Nah, stuff like that ain't my thing. I like to make things with my hands," Dak replied with a smile that the man warmly reciprocated.
"As do I. . .but have you stopped by in that store for any particular reason?"
Dak raised an eyebrow, "Um. . .yeah, I have. . .but just for something I was curious about."
"What might that be?" he asked and Dak eyed the man closely.
"Who are you?"
"I'm the person that has all the answers to what you were searching for at that store," the man said with a toothy grin, now looking hungry and calculating, "You wanted to know about Mirrors, correct? You wanted to know how they work and who they were assigned to. I know everything about them, I know their software programming. . .their dangerous settings. . ."
"Dangerous?" Dak said, eyes widening at the sound of that and the man gave an understanding nod.
"Oh yes. . .to tell you a secret, one of the Mirrors broke out of the facility and is roaming the streets. Who knows what kind of menace they could be if their defense program is initiated. Why, they have the potential to kill someone."
"K-Kill someone?" Dak stuttered out. James. . .James might be in danger. The brunette had work off and was at the apartment with Carlos. . .the android that might be more dangerous than Dak would have thought. The man crossed his arms, looking over Dak with concerned eyes.
"That's why it is important for me to find him and then deprogram that feature so he isn't a harm. I need to find him though. . .by any chance, have you seen a small Hispanic looking male? Appears to be around 16 or 17."
". . .Yes. . .I know where he is. . .I'll take you right to him if it means that my friend is going to be safe," Dak said urgently, taking off his smock and tossing it into the little laundry basket. The man was smiling, Dak assuming it was because he finally knew where Carlos was. From the looks of the heavy circles under the man's eyelids, it looks like he hadn't been sleeping for days. "You still didn't tell me who you are. How do you know so much on the Mirror program?"
"Because. . .I had a hand in the Mirror Program. I assure you, I only want to make sure that everyone is alright in the end. You don't know how dangerous it could be to have a machine like that out and about," the man said with a grin that Dak didn't know whether to give back or to become wary of.
Something didn't feel right.
James fished through the drawer, pulling out a pair of underwear for him to slip on. He discarded the towel wrapped around his waist, sticking one leg then the other into the boxer briefs and pulled them up. He didn't hear Carlos' shower going, the android must have either got out or was having trouble just getting it started. He stepped away from the dresser, beginning to walk over to the bathroom to see what was going on when the bedroom door busted open and out ran a wet and nude Carlos, giggling and laughing loudly. The android slammed into James, the two of them colliding to the carpeted floor with Carlos on top and looking down at James with shock.
"I'm sorry, James!" Carlos apologized but James said nothing. He felt it, he felt his length beginning to harden at the feeling of Carlos' nude body on top of his already under-dressed body. Carlos smelled sweet, Carlos looked innocent and utterly beautiful, James wanted him. James wanted to touch and caress and kiss that body until he was sure the scent of sweetness lingered on his own skin. He wanted it, he craved it. James' hand slowly went up, gliding along Carlos' damp cheek and went into the wet locks as Carlos leaned into his touch. The android hummed, little smile on his face that began to falter when James' other hand moved to clamp on Carlos' hip.
"James?" Carlos asked but James remained silent, admiring the beauty of Carlos' skin. Soft still even when wet, his mouth was watering. He wanted Carlos, he felt his heart beating quick with desire and his hand slipped from Carlos' hip to the small of his back. The android looked at James, afraid and confused and James' lip twisted. He shouldn't be doing this. . .he really shouldn't be trying to go this far. . .
But James wanted Carlos so bad.
Maybe. . .he could show Carlos how good it might feel.
The hand that was in Carlos' hair trailed down to the lightly toned chest and gently began to push. And that was when Carlos' eyes went impossibly wide.
"No! Please don't! Please not again! Stop! STOP!" Carlos screamed and James' hand quickly retreated as well as getting out from under the nude android. What was going on? What was-
"James? James, are you in here?" James heard Dak call out and the brunette's eyes went wide.
"D-Dak, don't come in here!" James shouted out and Dak must believe today was Opposite Day for the brunette neighbor opened the door to the bedroom a couple seconds later. His eyes fell on James in his underwear then onto Carlos, the android's eyes black and holding himself as if he was trying to guard something.
"What's going on? Why is he-"
"Dak, I can explain-"
"Is he in here?" James heard another voice and he grew even more embarrassed as another man entered the bedroom. Seriously, why was Dak inviting people to come into his apartment? Not like he lived here too. The man looked at James, almost disgusted with James' state of dress (then again, it was probably weird to catch a stranger in their underwear) but when the man looked at Carlos, his eyes grew horrified and enraged. "Beta!"
Carlos turned, looking at the man with confused eyes that slowly went wide with fear.
". . .Father?" Carlos slowly said and James got onto his feet, stepping in front of Carlos warily.
"Dak, who's this guy?" James asked slowly but Dak was looking at the man with wary eyes as well.
"I am his creator. And I'm here to take him back to where he belongs," the man said darkly, that cold stare James remembering from the photograph on the Internet. Of the man standing behind three figures with faces obscured. James stepped back more, trying to guard Carlos as best as he could as Dak stepped in front of him with hands raised out.
"Look, I know you're probably mad that something like Carlos got out but believe me when I say we've been taking good care of him. Kind of want to know how he works a little better but-"
"Take care of him, huh? Then why is he naked? Why is this man," he pointed a finger at James, "undressed? And both of them in the bedroom?"
"It's not what it looks like. You can't take Carlos away," James said through gritted teeth and the man laughed loudly.
"That so? I'd like to see you try and stop me," he huskily growled and James' eyes widened as he saw the man quickly pull out some sort of blue device. A few seconds later, Dak crumpled to the ground, holding his leg and screaming loud. James moved quickly to Carlos, wrapping arms around the android that was looking at the man with wide and confused eyes.
"Stay away! He's happy here! Leave him alone!" James shouted and the man's eyes grew dark.
"Happy? How could he be happy here when you two don't mean a thing to him? Beta, tell me when you look at that man's face, what do you see?" he asked, gesturing over to Dak's pained and slowly growing drowsy face. Carlos' eyes squinted, almost like he was having trouble seeing the way that Dak's eyes were scrunched tight and his lips were curled in distress.
". . .Nothing. . .it doesn't have a face, Father," Carlos said slowly and James' eyes widened, horrified. 'It' doesn't have a face? But how is that possible when Carlos would always smile at Dak's smile when the neighbor brought him new books to read? Or when Dak laughed and Carlos would have the urge to laugh along with him? Carlos couldn't see Dak's face, the face that was now lulled to sleep from the shot administered by the device.
"And that thing that's holding you, it doesn't have a face either, does it Beta?" the man asked, sick smile coming over his face as Carlos looked at him with wide eyes. He had to see his face, Carlos had to be able to see his face. He had to see his eyes that looked upon him with want and love, those lips that smiled at almost everything the android did and desperately wanted to touch Carlos' own soft and plush ones. Carlos' eyebrows were furrowing, like he was fighting with something going on in his head and a hand moved up to gently cup James' cheek.
". . .James. . ." Carlos said softly and James smiled, holding the hand that held his face.
"Yes, James. Carlos, I'm right here. I'll be right here for-"
James felt a burning sensation in his leg and made the brunette wince in pain. He felt numb, his body feeling paralyzed as the man drew closer and tucked the tranquilizer device into his pocket. Carlos' eyes were widening, trying to hold onto James tight as 'Father' held onto Carlos' bare shoulders. James couldn't even muster energy to swing the man away, his entire body felt stiff as stone and his eyelids were beginning to grow extremely heavy.
"Please Father, please don't take me away from James! I. . .I want to be with James now, Father," Carlos said softly and the man's eyes grew impossibly wide, James was sure his would too if he weren't feeling so damn tired. "I want to. . .understand. I want to understand how to love. . .show me how to love James, Father," Carlos said sweetly, holding onto James tighter and James gave a weak smile.
". . .You will never love someone as flawed and weak as him. You only deserve me and you won't be remembering his face for long," the man said darkly, hand shooting behind Carlos' head and the android's eyes grew wide before falling close and body going limp. He fell into the man's grasp, James struggling to move to stop him but failing miserably.
"Get away from Carlos! Where are you taking him?!" James shouted, though feeling himself growing drowsy.
The man laughed, crouching down to scoop Carlos into his arms, the android not putting up any fight, and James gritted his teeth.
"There is no Carlos. There never was," he heard the man say and James heard the shuffling of feet moving past him. No, no. . .what was going on? How could this happen so quickly? Carlos. . .Carlos was. . .
James felt himself fading in and out of consciousness, the only thing he could hear was 'Don't worry, Beta. Father will take good care of you and you'll never want anything or anyone else again.'
That was all James remembered before everything went black.