Random things...
Man, its almost 1 am in the morning, i've got lots of other things to do too! But why oh why am i now writing,or rather typing on my blog right now??? i dunno too so dont ask me,,,
i was thinking about flailing about arashi again w/ this post, w/ all the happenings that happened,is happening, and will happen this month and the coming months!!! Fancams! and especially the ohmiya kiss that's having me very abnormal right now....
but now, i decide not to, eh? instead i just type whatever comes to mind...it's been very hard on me lately, well, not only me, many of us, who care for our loved ones... I mean, i've never ever, as in NEVER expected for things to turn out like what's happening now...I want to help, but i know i look so dumb right now, coz really i'm doing nothing to help...i feel so helpless...in everything...i know i said that i'll do my best to be a better person,daughter,sibling,student, and a friend...but i feel that i'm coming to no avail at all...
i really just want to let it all out and cry,wail,shout, or do whatever to just release it all...but no, my mind says that its just a waste to do it...it's telling me, why shud i cry wen i can do more important stuff than just feeling all waily and weak,,, crying cant do anything,a waste of time, and a real expression of being weak and helpless...
will i even get anywhere w/ what i'm doing now? here i am doing nothing that wont do anything for people that i want to help...and what i should be doing i'm not even trying...tsk... great, now i'm ranting about it in a world where anyone can read what i type... i dont even open myself up to anyone,,,i always keep it, coz i think its a me thing...i should be the one to resolve the things that bother me...so many questions that sometimes dont make any sense at all,,, yet i think about it... will i go crazy?what will people think of me? what do i think of myself? i dont know...that's what i always say every chance i get... heck, i dont even know what's my goal in life... i dont even know what i really want to take up on college,in which the decision that i'll make will influence every detail of my future life... what to do?!?!?!
see, i cant even decide w/ the slightest of things,,, so reckless,ridiculous,,, that's what i say to myself now...it's very humiliating on my part,,,coz i dont even try to know myself, know what i want to do, or whats my real purpose...i get angry w/ the slightest of things,,,
and now i ask, what do i think of myself? a helpless, weak, undecided, and most of all an unsightly person,,,from physical aspects to my very last attitude nerves,,,i think of myself now as a very unhealthy person,,,i just take off myself from reality w/ all the things i say im happy about,,, i can even think now of arashi as a diversion to the happy me...wth?!
and now,,,,nothing comes up in my mind to talk about...its telling me to stop typing now,,,
so maybe if some things come up to mind later, maybe i'll type it all up again if my brain says so? oh heck...i'll just say till next tym if ever...ja,,,,
i was thinking about flailing about arashi again w/ this post, w/ all the happenings that happened,is happening, and will happen this month and the coming months!!! Fancams! and especially the ohmiya kiss that's having me very abnormal right now....
but now, i decide not to, eh? instead i just type whatever comes to mind...it's been very hard on me lately, well, not only me, many of us, who care for our loved ones... I mean, i've never ever, as in NEVER expected for things to turn out like what's happening now...I want to help, but i know i look so dumb right now, coz really i'm doing nothing to help...i feel so helpless...in everything...i know i said that i'll do my best to be a better person,daughter,sibling,student, and a friend...but i feel that i'm coming to no avail at all...
i really just want to let it all out and cry,wail,shout, or do whatever to just release it all...but no, my mind says that its just a waste to do it...it's telling me, why shud i cry wen i can do more important stuff than just feeling all waily and weak,,, crying cant do anything,a waste of time, and a real expression of being weak and helpless...
will i even get anywhere w/ what i'm doing now? here i am doing nothing that wont do anything for people that i want to help...and what i should be doing i'm not even trying...tsk... great, now i'm ranting about it in a world where anyone can read what i type... i dont even open myself up to anyone,,,i always keep it, coz i think its a me thing...i should be the one to resolve the things that bother me...so many questions that sometimes dont make any sense at all,,, yet i think about it... will i go crazy?what will people think of me? what do i think of myself? i dont know...that's what i always say every chance i get... heck, i dont even know what's my goal in life... i dont even know what i really want to take up on college,in which the decision that i'll make will influence every detail of my future life... what to do?!?!?!
see, i cant even decide w/ the slightest of things,,, so reckless,ridiculous,,, that's what i say to myself now...it's very humiliating on my part,,,coz i dont even try to know myself, know what i want to do, or whats my real purpose...i get angry w/ the slightest of things,,,
and now i ask, what do i think of myself? a helpless, weak, undecided, and most of all an unsightly person,,,from physical aspects to my very last attitude nerves,,,i think of myself now as a very unhealthy person,,,i just take off myself from reality w/ all the things i say im happy about,,, i can even think now of arashi as a diversion to the happy me...wth?!
and now,,,,nothing comes up in my mind to talk about...its telling me to stop typing now,,,
so maybe if some things come up to mind later, maybe i'll type it all up again if my brain says so? oh heck...i'll just say till next tym if ever...ja,,,,