Lost
If not lost, then I'm definitely losing... my mind that is. I hate not having any control over my life, not being able to let my heart unclench. It's a horrible feeling, knowing that you'll have to live with your mistakes, and that although they are/were mistakes, you can't take them back. If I could have just one wish, it would be for happiness, and not for me. I feel I can't live anymore, and I'm fighting a battle within myself to let her go, but I can't do it. I just can't. It's like we are a puzzle, and I didn't know how the pieces fit until now, but it's too late.
If I could walk away from my beliefs - from my heart - this would be so much easier. I just keep thinking about what I'm losing and what I've already lost, and what I could get back. I can't give up. I can't let go. I'm going to go to GVSU today to see if I can't talk to somebody, and I'm also going to stop by this Church too. I can't do this by myself. Every time I try to move on, I can't stop crying. My chest feels heavy, with guilt and love.
This is the worst feeling in the world. I didn't even feel like this when my she died. I thought I knew what love was, when I was with her, but I didn't even know the half of it. Now, I can't even focus on anything without feeling like this is the end. My hope is fading, if not gone already. That saying, "It's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all", used to hold true with me. Somehow, I don't think that whoever said that knew how wonderful my true love is.
It's true, you know, when I said that you were more addicting than any drug I've ever had. I can't stop loving you, no matter how my life turns out.
I'm so sorry I made you go.
If I could walk away from my beliefs - from my heart - this would be so much easier. I just keep thinking about what I'm losing and what I've already lost, and what I could get back. I can't give up. I can't let go. I'm going to go to GVSU today to see if I can't talk to somebody, and I'm also going to stop by this Church too. I can't do this by myself. Every time I try to move on, I can't stop crying. My chest feels heavy, with guilt and love.
This is the worst feeling in the world. I didn't even feel like this when my she died. I thought I knew what love was, when I was with her, but I didn't even know the half of it. Now, I can't even focus on anything without feeling like this is the end. My hope is fading, if not gone already. That saying, "It's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all", used to hold true with me. Somehow, I don't think that whoever said that knew how wonderful my true love is.
It's true, you know, when I said that you were more addicting than any drug I've ever had. I can't stop loving you, no matter how my life turns out.
I'm so sorry I made you go.