Death and destruction
Some bugs just won't die no matter how hard you step on them. There... that's a good representation I think. Ryan, it'll be sooner than you think, so pack up your stuff. It just seems like all my life is, these days anyway, are irritation, anger (hatred even), and disappointment. Nothing seems fun anymore, and I don't like not being able to speak freely in my own house. I miss my life, the way it was. I miss waking up early on Saturday mornings, eating an ice-cream sandwich with my brother, watching cartoons. I miss having parents who love me, who would tell me that I could be anything I wanted. I miss not having to worry about money for food, gas, medical supplies. I miss the weekends, waking next to the person I love, with nothing but time to spend together. I miss tasting the full flavor of meals, being able to distinguish with unfailing certainty what I was eating. I miss being able to hear all of the sounds around me, sitting outside, singing the birds' wonderful songs back to them... maybe even writing my own, you know, spur of the moment kind of thing. I miss breathing the air first thing in the morning, letting every inch into my lungs, not caring where I was or what I had to do.
I want it all to come back. Call me selfish, but I just want to be peaceful. Things have really gotten to me lately, and I've come to the point again that I was at in fifth grade. Who is here to stop me this time? Myself? Whoever tells you that, "no matter how bad things seem to get, they can't get any worse" is a fucking liar. I look at my life now, it makes me sad and guilty. This isn't who I am, or who I'm supposed to be.
Most of all, I miss you. I miss your eyes, your laugh... the sweet fragrance that greeted me with every hug. I even miss your screams, when we were at the top of the ferris wheel, while I rocked it back and forth. Bet you never knew that I paid the operator to stop us at the top? Heh, maybe you did. You taught me what it meant to be alive. I have little left from it, other than a few memories. Two years of my life, gone. With the sound of screeching tires, the long high-pitched cry of your heart monitor, the shattering of my heart, all was lost.
All IS lost.
I want it all to come back. Call me selfish, but I just want to be peaceful. Things have really gotten to me lately, and I've come to the point again that I was at in fifth grade. Who is here to stop me this time? Myself? Whoever tells you that, "no matter how bad things seem to get, they can't get any worse" is a fucking liar. I look at my life now, it makes me sad and guilty. This isn't who I am, or who I'm supposed to be.
Most of all, I miss you. I miss your eyes, your laugh... the sweet fragrance that greeted me with every hug. I even miss your screams, when we were at the top of the ferris wheel, while I rocked it back and forth. Bet you never knew that I paid the operator to stop us at the top? Heh, maybe you did. You taught me what it meant to be alive. I have little left from it, other than a few memories. Two years of my life, gone. With the sound of screeching tires, the long high-pitched cry of your heart monitor, the shattering of my heart, all was lost.
All IS lost.