a journeY intO morninG witH thE sunrisE behinD mE
I walked 10.42 miles last night at 4 am in the morning.
I learned more about my life all at once than I have all year.
(I'm really exhausted right now so pardon the rawness of my writing - I just wanted to get everything down)
I decided that I didn't want to hook up with Juan and his friend - and I decided to walk home instead of the awkward ride home.
merely for the sake of what it would be like to walk that far
nothing more than the pavement and thoughts.
but I came to a lot of realizations
about life, etc.
namely that UCF is really fucking far away from my house.
and about life
and that I am my only hero
and that I'm insane.
... that or incredible.
I actually combined the two ideas and created my OfFicial Super-hero name: * Chris 'CrediSaine * !
(brinking on delusional at that moment)
But along my journey I realized that when I fuck I fuck with my guts and soul rather than some phallic-tool, and that's what gets me in trouble a lot of the time.
that's what gives me guts and glory.
AND FUCK IT ALL IF I DON'T DIE WITH MY HEART ON MY SLEEVE AND MY CHEST TO THE WIND.
Now, I do realize it was kinda retarded of me to do such a thing, being sick with the flu as I was/am and at some god-forsaken hour of the night.
but sometimes you have to challenge yourself, and if 10.42 miles was what it had to be - then 10.42 miles was what it had to be.
I called Rob.
I called him and said "I want someone like you with me right now, no, wait, I want yoU here right now. And above like and lust and love and all else, I appreciate you."
(or something to that degree .. that's what I meant to say, but it probably came out as some stale-drunk-type mush of words .. as usual)
I wanted to call more people.
I refrained on the basis of a sNeaking susPicion that my fRiends & loveRs weren't on the same plain as I, now 5:28am.
"Have to get home by 7."
One, for the fact that a deadline provides movement.
Two, for the fact that it would redefine laMe if I came in after my mom woke up.
Juan finally stopped calling - I told him I got home by a friend.
Good.
"I can handle this with two feet and the air I breathe"
(and the one cig I treated myself to at a BP)
"Which way is 1792?"
"That way, a long time 'til the road ends, go to 436, & it'll take you to 1792"
(I meant to say 436)
stupid.
It's all a blur.
Concrete desert.
Went along the sidewalk.
Attempting to stay consistent with two steps per square.
Swerving to the alternate extremities of the lane.
left. right. left. right.
Wasn't as drunk as was bored.
.. like slow-motion, life-size PiNbaLL
counted down streets
looked at blurry stars
(no glasses)
watched the cars, the lights.
studied the fences, the shrubs, the shadows, the cracks within the cement.
approached 7:32am.
eventually found home
.nothing more & nothing less.
I learned more about my life all at once than I have all year.
(I'm really exhausted right now so pardon the rawness of my writing - I just wanted to get everything down)
I decided that I didn't want to hook up with Juan and his friend - and I decided to walk home instead of the awkward ride home.
merely for the sake of what it would be like to walk that far
nothing more than the pavement and thoughts.
but I came to a lot of realizations
about life, etc.
namely that UCF is really fucking far away from my house.
and about life
and that I am my only hero
and that I'm insane.
... that or incredible.
I actually combined the two ideas and created my OfFicial Super-hero name: * Chris 'CrediSaine * !
(brinking on delusional at that moment)
But along my journey I realized that when I fuck I fuck with my guts and soul rather than some phallic-tool, and that's what gets me in trouble a lot of the time.
that's what gives me guts and glory.
AND FUCK IT ALL IF I DON'T DIE WITH MY HEART ON MY SLEEVE AND MY CHEST TO THE WIND.
Now, I do realize it was kinda retarded of me to do such a thing, being sick with the flu as I was/am and at some god-forsaken hour of the night.
but sometimes you have to challenge yourself, and if 10.42 miles was what it had to be - then 10.42 miles was what it had to be.
I called Rob.
I called him and said "I want someone like you with me right now, no, wait, I want yoU here right now. And above like and lust and love and all else, I appreciate you."
(or something to that degree .. that's what I meant to say, but it probably came out as some stale-drunk-type mush of words .. as usual)
I wanted to call more people.
I refrained on the basis of a sNeaking susPicion that my fRiends & loveRs weren't on the same plain as I, now 5:28am.
"Have to get home by 7."
One, for the fact that a deadline provides movement.
Two, for the fact that it would redefine laMe if I came in after my mom woke up.
Juan finally stopped calling - I told him I got home by a friend.
Good.
"I can handle this with two feet and the air I breathe"
(and the one cig I treated myself to at a BP)
"Which way is 1792?"
"That way, a long time 'til the road ends, go to 436, & it'll take you to 1792"
(I meant to say 436)
stupid.
It's all a blur.
Concrete desert.
Went along the sidewalk.
Attempting to stay consistent with two steps per square.
Swerving to the alternate extremities of the lane.
left. right. left. right.
Wasn't as drunk as was bored.
.. like slow-motion, life-size PiNbaLL
counted down streets
looked at blurry stars
(no glasses)
watched the cars, the lights.
studied the fences, the shrubs, the shadows, the cracks within the cement.
approached 7:32am.
eventually found home
.nothing more & nothing less.