(no subject)
what is a relationship when there is no trust?
everyday i come home sniffing around for something to get mad at him about.. IM SOOOO used to him fukcing me over that i woldnt know any difference. I came home yesterday to find a strong smel.. I could think of was weed.. I was enraged but knew i couldnt jump to conclusions... it was insence.. But then its like was it to cover up smoke? who knows right...
I ignore all my calls.. iw ant to spend my time with him.. its like if u invested soo much time in putting together a model T... yah who compares it to this.. but i did... u would want to spend every spare moment to make sure its JUST right.. well same here.. i dont hang out with anyone anymore. I realized i had to get tonie outta my life... and now the first person who jumps in my mind is tonie.. i want to call and cry to her soo bad. I ignored everyone else when they wanted to hang out... they might have needed someone i didnt care. I HATE when girls get like that over guys
so i kicked him out.. and let him come back.. Kel comes over today gawd damn hes sooo hott.. and matt just goes off with him... jumps right up and they are off... so i beg him to go places with me.. thats lame.... im lame lately its unreal. im not even saying ohh hes bored.. IM BORED with myself.. with him.. with LIFE
i know im gonna look back at this and be like what the fuck was i thinking,
DREAM_----- i wish he would have somewhere else to go and just leave me heartbroken, cuz i cant leave him.. i cant stop caring, it sounds sooo stupid.. like i can admit i cant do it.. yet i cant stop myself.. AHHHHHHHHHHH
he came home to ask if it was ok to go "move" things with Kel... lets play stupid with brit.. I think not. So im like whatever.. cool... hes all nervous and obviously scared.. so its like is he lying or scared im gonna freak.... so i do freak cuz i dont know what hes thinking.. communication is never there!!! BUT... im like and ur getting paid for this? hes like i dont even know what we are doing... he has to og a few places... just keep changing ur stories... as i walk around the house locking windows.. he grabs me.. hes like im not gonna get high or drunk...every other time he was. i swear TO GOD AND EVERYONE BUT MYSELF>>>>> he comes home drunk or high.. IM DONE
hes out , no questions... i will move and stay elsewhere till hes completely gone.
He had 60 bcuks yesterday he needed shoes.. he really did, and it was our date night.. yah can ya be a lil more chessy. but regardless... he found cheap shoes bought em, stole some incence, WGHICH he knows i hate when he does that!!! and then was going to buy some disco ball or anything random... he owes me hella... and cant even decide about money.. or anythiong.. or ur gf is pissed.. just stay with her .. offer to go to her great g-ma's funeral.. and whne u dont go and she comes home upset.. ask her how it went. but nothing. hes like people die.. and he doesnt know any different... i cant keep making excuses.
i just vented to kelley... ahhh feel sooo much better.
ill write more later.. now im working...
everyday i come home sniffing around for something to get mad at him about.. IM SOOOO used to him fukcing me over that i woldnt know any difference. I came home yesterday to find a strong smel.. I could think of was weed.. I was enraged but knew i couldnt jump to conclusions... it was insence.. But then its like was it to cover up smoke? who knows right...
I ignore all my calls.. iw ant to spend my time with him.. its like if u invested soo much time in putting together a model T... yah who compares it to this.. but i did... u would want to spend every spare moment to make sure its JUST right.. well same here.. i dont hang out with anyone anymore. I realized i had to get tonie outta my life... and now the first person who jumps in my mind is tonie.. i want to call and cry to her soo bad. I ignored everyone else when they wanted to hang out... they might have needed someone i didnt care. I HATE when girls get like that over guys
so i kicked him out.. and let him come back.. Kel comes over today gawd damn hes sooo hott.. and matt just goes off with him... jumps right up and they are off... so i beg him to go places with me.. thats lame.... im lame lately its unreal. im not even saying ohh hes bored.. IM BORED with myself.. with him.. with LIFE
i know im gonna look back at this and be like what the fuck was i thinking,
DREAM_----- i wish he would have somewhere else to go and just leave me heartbroken, cuz i cant leave him.. i cant stop caring, it sounds sooo stupid.. like i can admit i cant do it.. yet i cant stop myself.. AHHHHHHHHHHH
he came home to ask if it was ok to go "move" things with Kel... lets play stupid with brit.. I think not. So im like whatever.. cool... hes all nervous and obviously scared.. so its like is he lying or scared im gonna freak.... so i do freak cuz i dont know what hes thinking.. communication is never there!!! BUT... im like and ur getting paid for this? hes like i dont even know what we are doing... he has to og a few places... just keep changing ur stories... as i walk around the house locking windows.. he grabs me.. hes like im not gonna get high or drunk...every other time he was. i swear TO GOD AND EVERYONE BUT MYSELF>>>>> he comes home drunk or high.. IM DONE
hes out , no questions... i will move and stay elsewhere till hes completely gone.
He had 60 bcuks yesterday he needed shoes.. he really did, and it was our date night.. yah can ya be a lil more chessy. but regardless... he found cheap shoes bought em, stole some incence, WGHICH he knows i hate when he does that!!! and then was going to buy some disco ball or anything random... he owes me hella... and cant even decide about money.. or anythiong.. or ur gf is pissed.. just stay with her .. offer to go to her great g-ma's funeral.. and whne u dont go and she comes home upset.. ask her how it went. but nothing. hes like people die.. and he doesnt know any different... i cant keep making excuses.
i just vented to kelley... ahhh feel sooo much better.
ill write more later.. now im working...