I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there
I've now officially had my LiveJournal for 10 years. It's gone through some name changes, friend changes, fandom changes and more - but it's never moved.
I started this journal with the intent of keeping in touch with friends from middle school, who have long since left the platform. The fact that it became such a "home base" for me in life was unexpected. Discovering that I wasn't alone in my thoughts or feelings on media allowed me to open up and ask questions of people I've never met before about incredibly personal things. What I did not feel confident enough to approach in my environment was easier here, safer. I found that being open with others could be incredibly rewarding.
Since I was 13 years old I've been documenting my hardships, my passions, my perspectives, and more in this space. In an odd way, even more than my physical location -- here is where I grew up.
The mean girls in high school were the LJ users who said I was a friend, then started a roleplaying game without inviting me. My closest confidants were girls from all over the country (and now all over the world), who stayed up late talking to me over instant messengers and in LJ comments. Through various fandoms - I learned the negative consequences of speaking first and thinking later, of diving into friendships without being ready to commit to the effort, of being too stubborn to let another person enjoy things you do not, of feeling victimized instead of addressing your own role in your unhappiness. I've also experienced the joy of shared interest, the bonds of open discussion, freedom of expression, and creative development.
Whenever I have feared that I am worthless, whenever I've wondered if I can make it through another day, whenever I've questioned my view of myself or my ability to make friends - the connections formed through LiveJournal have brought me comfort.
More than any other website, I have felt heard and valued here.
I think that's why I'm having a difficult time knowing how or when to move forward. The fact that I'm even typing this in DreamWidth's interface is a powerful indicator that things are scattering. I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea about my experiences on other social media platforms. I've been talking about Tumblr and Twitter lately and how I'm not satisfied, but it's not because I'm not having fun. The more I use them the more I get out of them, in fact. But it's for all the reasons I listed above that I think it's okay for me to say it's not the same. It could be, someday, but I don't know how to approach it.
I think 2013 will be the year that I contemplate what it is I want, how to best achieve it, and push myself to step into the next decade of my Internet existence.
If anyone has any suggestions or insight, I am all ears. Because I love you, and I love your feedback and friendship, and I trust you. As always. ♥
I started this journal with the intent of keeping in touch with friends from middle school, who have long since left the platform. The fact that it became such a "home base" for me in life was unexpected. Discovering that I wasn't alone in my thoughts or feelings on media allowed me to open up and ask questions of people I've never met before about incredibly personal things. What I did not feel confident enough to approach in my environment was easier here, safer. I found that being open with others could be incredibly rewarding.
Since I was 13 years old I've been documenting my hardships, my passions, my perspectives, and more in this space. In an odd way, even more than my physical location -- here is where I grew up.
The mean girls in high school were the LJ users who said I was a friend, then started a roleplaying game without inviting me. My closest confidants were girls from all over the country (and now all over the world), who stayed up late talking to me over instant messengers and in LJ comments. Through various fandoms - I learned the negative consequences of speaking first and thinking later, of diving into friendships without being ready to commit to the effort, of being too stubborn to let another person enjoy things you do not, of feeling victimized instead of addressing your own role in your unhappiness. I've also experienced the joy of shared interest, the bonds of open discussion, freedom of expression, and creative development.
Whenever I have feared that I am worthless, whenever I've wondered if I can make it through another day, whenever I've questioned my view of myself or my ability to make friends - the connections formed through LiveJournal have brought me comfort.
More than any other website, I have felt heard and valued here.
I think that's why I'm having a difficult time knowing how or when to move forward. The fact that I'm even typing this in DreamWidth's interface is a powerful indicator that things are scattering. I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea about my experiences on other social media platforms. I've been talking about Tumblr and Twitter lately and how I'm not satisfied, but it's not because I'm not having fun. The more I use them the more I get out of them, in fact. But it's for all the reasons I listed above that I think it's okay for me to say it's not the same. It could be, someday, but I don't know how to approach it.
I think 2013 will be the year that I contemplate what it is I want, how to best achieve it, and push myself to step into the next decade of my Internet existence.
If anyone has any suggestions or insight, I am all ears. Because I love you, and I love your feedback and friendship, and I trust you. As always. ♥