All The Same | Pudd (FanFic)
All The Same (Standalone | 1409 words)
Pairing: Poynter/Judd (McFly)
Genre: Angst-y, Romance
Summary: Harry Judd shares with you how life is made of the same circles, running over them over and over, but when you are attached to someone, you learn to go through it.
A/N: Okay, I posted this a while ago on McFlySlash but ended up deleting. I kinda like it even though it's angst-y and from Harry's point of view, and it was written while Dougie's dark period with Sandford, so that's where all the angst comes from. It's repetitive and you probably have read it all or figured it all out by yourself but yeah. I wanted to know what it's like being Harry Judd even if just writing so, WOOHOO. And oh, song is All The Same by the amazing Sick Puppies.
Warning: There is no dialogue, might bother some people. Song lyrics between parenthesis and in italic. Harry's P.O.V..
Disclaimer: Harry sent me an e-mail with this. Don't own, not real, it's all part of a world with rainbows and unicorns.
(I dont mind where you come from / As long as you come to me) There are a few things in life you need to let people know. I’d let Dougie know he could always come to me, no matter what, no matter when. One of his lizards was sick? His mother wasn’t home when he went to visit? He’d got this new freaking awesome bass? He was just feeling like dancing? My arms were always open. And he ran, he let me hug him, try to take him back or keep him on his happy world. And after a few times it got harder not to feel something. Because he’s sweet, he’s delicate, he’s so fucking tiny but makes you feel so big.
(But I dont like illusions I cant see them clearly) We seemed to grow closer without even noticing. Suddenly, we were these two people who needed to share everything with each other, even the stupidest little thing… Like we were one single person. That is how I felt. He never put in words what he felt for me (can’t blame him, it’s not like I did either.) and God - If there is a thing I hate, is not knowing something. Was I going crazy, imagining there were shared smiles, that he held my hand (with his tiny one) straight away when I took it, that he always seemed to take my opinions as his starting place for his decisions? (I don’t care, no I wouldn't dare to fix the twist in you) I could not waste time feeling insecure when he needed me to guide him… He was always so afraid of screwing up because of his weirdness, his bad timing, he was afraid of the judgement people would make about him. And yeah, I would be, too, if I were like him. Because he loved reptiles (knew everything about them), collected some wicked stuff, he’d dance and sing to Spice Girls, and he’d sometimes say the sickest things unaware of how they sounded. But that was Dougie. If he wasn’t like that, he wouldn’t need me.
(You've shown me eventually what you'll do) As much as that little boy was unpredictable (like, for example, deciding to jump in a lake with his dog fully clothed), with time I obviously got used to him; knowing how he felt just by the way his hands moved, calming him down before important events, and all those things he was picky with. In the end I knew I didn’t need senseless words, any kind of said out-loud confirmation because he had his own way of showing his feelings; like a cipher - you just had to learn the code first, so you could unveil what it meant.
(I don’t mind / I don’t care / As long as you're here) I felt so comfortable around him, didn’t need to worry. I didn’t even mind if people shot us funny looks when I hugged him close, didn’t care if he spent a whole hour talking about this new beautiful girl he met at the vet. As long as he showed me that he needed me and I could give him the attention, he could even talk about whether vampires had erections or not it was OK with me.
(Go ahead and tell me you'll leave again / You'll just come back running) There were fights. Lots of them. Mainly my fault, I got scared out of nowhere, even afraid for a second that he’d run, scared of everyone… Like it was said in that movie - “Once you open your door to one person anyone can come in”. I had opened the door, invited and given a cup of tea to Dougie. I tried and tried to close the door, several times, but Dougie kept pushing it open. He already had the key, anyway. Everything will decay and fall apart with time… And we decayed, we yelled, he cried, I cried, we pretended nothing had ever happened. At times like those I realized how miserable I would be without him. (Holding your scarred heart in hand / It's all the same) So I sat and waited for him to come back… It’s funny; I knew every solution for his troubles apart from the ones I caused him. I was afraid I’d blew it even worst if I tried to fix everything - unfortunately it wasn’t just me and him, there were people, friends, fans, a band. So someone else would take care of him (Tom, most of the times, apparently) and he’d find the strength to come back. (And I'll take you for who you are / If you take me for everything / And do it all over again / It's all the same) At the point we sorted things out, there were already deep scars slowly healing, made by illusions that I could perfectly see and control… But Dougie ignored them. Insecure, hurt, but willing to give me another chance, even though we both knew everything would start again (and that I was a huge idiot for blowing everything up).
(Hours slide and days go by / ‘Till you decide to come / But in-between it always seems too long / Suddenly) We were never apart for a long time, not that we could really. We kept our world separated from the real world, and I liked it like that. But suddenly… It seemed it wasn’t enough for him. He got someone that loved him back easily and fearless and, even if she couldn’t hold him tight, he didn’t have to try too hard to make her happy in the real world... She didn't have any problems with facing people like I did. I deserved it. I had walked in and out of his door too many times. It took years to built a relationship with him, making it bigger and bigger, brick by brick, but within seconds it was a full done work and - I don’t know - I guess we just forgot to keep building. What was I going to do? Be selfish, steal his happiness, not care about how she felt? I couldn’t do that. So I just… kept going. Lived my life like I should. And he lived his. Whenever he needed me, I would still be there, but so would she. I only dared to help him inside our “shelter”; when he had issues with her, when he decided to make something stupid with her, I kept away and left it for someone else to figure out and put some sense into him. I knew he always hoped for my opinions not to hurt him and some things I did not have the courage to tell him (and I hated it, because damn, it didn’t use to be like that).
(But I have the skill, yeah / I have the will, to breathe you in while I can / However long you stay is all that I am) I loved touring, I always had loved music and I loved my band. It was part of our (mine and Dougie’s) world. I could bring him back, carefully, pretend like nothing changed. It was so easy, I never wanted to go back, and I tried to enjoy all that ‘til the very last second. It was like - sneaking in by the window, avoiding the door. Dougie seemed happy, glad I still remembered everything, even if I used all I knew as a trick to get closer again. Eventually we had to come back, back to the real world, and he would go his way, I would go my way.
(Wrong or Right / Black or White / If I close my eyes It’s all the same) Every time we came back, though, we seemed closer. We could even sit in a room and talk for hours, until someone called us, it felt good to ignore everything for a while. We, as one single person, never changed. He was stronger now, more confident; I was more careful and mature. But the HarryAndDougie never changed no matter the circumstances.
(In my life / The compromise / I'll close my eyes / It’s all the same) And you know - Dougie’s way and my way are very, very close to each other. We could follow them in different directions, but somehow they were always close. So we bumped, once in a while, our ways got mixed up. Maybe one day, we’d finally jump in our way, the one we’d built together, and keep walking on it, no falling out. For now, I’m happy, he’s happy, sleepwalking through life, waking up once in a while. I'd wait for him, heart always open, like I always did.
Pairing: Poynter/Judd (McFly)
Genre: Angst-y, Romance
Summary: Harry Judd shares with you how life is made of the same circles, running over them over and over, but when you are attached to someone, you learn to go through it.
A/N: Okay, I posted this a while ago on McFlySlash but ended up deleting. I kinda like it even though it's angst-y and from Harry's point of view, and it was written while Dougie's dark period with Sandford, so that's where all the angst comes from. It's repetitive and you probably have read it all or figured it all out by yourself but yeah. I wanted to know what it's like being Harry Judd even if just writing so, WOOHOO. And oh, song is All The Same by the amazing Sick Puppies.
Warning: There is no dialogue, might bother some people. Song lyrics between parenthesis and in italic. Harry's P.O.V..
Disclaimer: Harry sent me an e-mail with this. Don't own, not real, it's all part of a world with rainbows and unicorns.
(I dont mind where you come from / As long as you come to me) There are a few things in life you need to let people know. I’d let Dougie know he could always come to me, no matter what, no matter when. One of his lizards was sick? His mother wasn’t home when he went to visit? He’d got this new freaking awesome bass? He was just feeling like dancing? My arms were always open. And he ran, he let me hug him, try to take him back or keep him on his happy world. And after a few times it got harder not to feel something. Because he’s sweet, he’s delicate, he’s so fucking tiny but makes you feel so big.
(But I dont like illusions I cant see them clearly) We seemed to grow closer without even noticing. Suddenly, we were these two people who needed to share everything with each other, even the stupidest little thing… Like we were one single person. That is how I felt. He never put in words what he felt for me (can’t blame him, it’s not like I did either.) and God - If there is a thing I hate, is not knowing something. Was I going crazy, imagining there were shared smiles, that he held my hand (with his tiny one) straight away when I took it, that he always seemed to take my opinions as his starting place for his decisions? (I don’t care, no I wouldn't dare to fix the twist in you) I could not waste time feeling insecure when he needed me to guide him… He was always so afraid of screwing up because of his weirdness, his bad timing, he was afraid of the judgement people would make about him. And yeah, I would be, too, if I were like him. Because he loved reptiles (knew everything about them), collected some wicked stuff, he’d dance and sing to Spice Girls, and he’d sometimes say the sickest things unaware of how they sounded. But that was Dougie. If he wasn’t like that, he wouldn’t need me.
(You've shown me eventually what you'll do) As much as that little boy was unpredictable (like, for example, deciding to jump in a lake with his dog fully clothed), with time I obviously got used to him; knowing how he felt just by the way his hands moved, calming him down before important events, and all those things he was picky with. In the end I knew I didn’t need senseless words, any kind of said out-loud confirmation because he had his own way of showing his feelings; like a cipher - you just had to learn the code first, so you could unveil what it meant.
(I don’t mind / I don’t care / As long as you're here) I felt so comfortable around him, didn’t need to worry. I didn’t even mind if people shot us funny looks when I hugged him close, didn’t care if he spent a whole hour talking about this new beautiful girl he met at the vet. As long as he showed me that he needed me and I could give him the attention, he could even talk about whether vampires had erections or not it was OK with me.
(Go ahead and tell me you'll leave again / You'll just come back running) There were fights. Lots of them. Mainly my fault, I got scared out of nowhere, even afraid for a second that he’d run, scared of everyone… Like it was said in that movie - “Once you open your door to one person anyone can come in”. I had opened the door, invited and given a cup of tea to Dougie. I tried and tried to close the door, several times, but Dougie kept pushing it open. He already had the key, anyway. Everything will decay and fall apart with time… And we decayed, we yelled, he cried, I cried, we pretended nothing had ever happened. At times like those I realized how miserable I would be without him. (Holding your scarred heart in hand / It's all the same) So I sat and waited for him to come back… It’s funny; I knew every solution for his troubles apart from the ones I caused him. I was afraid I’d blew it even worst if I tried to fix everything - unfortunately it wasn’t just me and him, there were people, friends, fans, a band. So someone else would take care of him (Tom, most of the times, apparently) and he’d find the strength to come back. (And I'll take you for who you are / If you take me for everything / And do it all over again / It's all the same) At the point we sorted things out, there were already deep scars slowly healing, made by illusions that I could perfectly see and control… But Dougie ignored them. Insecure, hurt, but willing to give me another chance, even though we both knew everything would start again (and that I was a huge idiot for blowing everything up).
(Hours slide and days go by / ‘Till you decide to come / But in-between it always seems too long / Suddenly) We were never apart for a long time, not that we could really. We kept our world separated from the real world, and I liked it like that. But suddenly… It seemed it wasn’t enough for him. He got someone that loved him back easily and fearless and, even if she couldn’t hold him tight, he didn’t have to try too hard to make her happy in the real world... She didn't have any problems with facing people like I did. I deserved it. I had walked in and out of his door too many times. It took years to built a relationship with him, making it bigger and bigger, brick by brick, but within seconds it was a full done work and - I don’t know - I guess we just forgot to keep building. What was I going to do? Be selfish, steal his happiness, not care about how she felt? I couldn’t do that. So I just… kept going. Lived my life like I should. And he lived his. Whenever he needed me, I would still be there, but so would she. I only dared to help him inside our “shelter”; when he had issues with her, when he decided to make something stupid with her, I kept away and left it for someone else to figure out and put some sense into him. I knew he always hoped for my opinions not to hurt him and some things I did not have the courage to tell him (and I hated it, because damn, it didn’t use to be like that).
(But I have the skill, yeah / I have the will, to breathe you in while I can / However long you stay is all that I am) I loved touring, I always had loved music and I loved my band. It was part of our (mine and Dougie’s) world. I could bring him back, carefully, pretend like nothing changed. It was so easy, I never wanted to go back, and I tried to enjoy all that ‘til the very last second. It was like - sneaking in by the window, avoiding the door. Dougie seemed happy, glad I still remembered everything, even if I used all I knew as a trick to get closer again. Eventually we had to come back, back to the real world, and he would go his way, I would go my way.
(Wrong or Right / Black or White / If I close my eyes It’s all the same) Every time we came back, though, we seemed closer. We could even sit in a room and talk for hours, until someone called us, it felt good to ignore everything for a while. We, as one single person, never changed. He was stronger now, more confident; I was more careful and mature. But the HarryAndDougie never changed no matter the circumstances.
(In my life / The compromise / I'll close my eyes / It’s all the same) And you know - Dougie’s way and my way are very, very close to each other. We could follow them in different directions, but somehow they were always close. So we bumped, once in a while, our ways got mixed up. Maybe one day, we’d finally jump in our way, the one we’d built together, and keep walking on it, no falling out. For now, I’m happy, he’s happy, sleepwalking through life, waking up once in a while. I'd wait for him, heart always open, like I always did.