oh to be happy
i want to be happy so badly! man i hate my life right now. i thought grade 12 was bad and i couldnt wait to get out of it and now look at me. i hate one of my jobs. hating that one job leads to a huge mass of negativity which causes me to hate my other jobs and any time im not at those jobs. sooo pretty much all the time. and then im tired all the time which only adds to how entirely crappy i feel. i want to be happy! im so tired of feeling crappy but its just not getting better. in fact, it seems to be getting worse. the only time i have any relief is when i am sleeping and even then i still have bad dreams. ive had more bad dreams the last couple weeks then i can ever remember having in a long time. and besides the bad dreams i currently have no heat in my room! yay! how fun is that? i have two quilts and my blankie on my bed. i feel like im constantly complaining. oh wait... i am. i have nothing happy to say so i complain. my complaints seem to be the only thing i have to talk about.
wait, one happy thing, i thought i would have to wait a month to get my camera because i needed to keep my account above $1000 to keep off the monthly fee. well, i just got my paycheck today and lets just say i might need to wait only about another week.
maybe two happy things. i get to go to a ym staffing evening tomorrow. i thought i would have to go to SD Meeting but no i get to go with Kristine! i get to see people again... maybe Tim! he will make me smile for a bit! even if just for an evening. some of his stupid jokes. he emailed me the other day because he had been thinking about me and was just wondering how i was doing and how PUC was treating me. only Tim would do that! lol. he has sent emails out about Holden but i havent had time to go recently. i should though. actually it might help my mood. (but back to YM) and Brad will be there and maybe Linda! Linda? is that her name? sounds wrong. ok so i dont even know her name but we are still friends! lol. thinking about tomorrow night has somewhat cheered me up for the time being. im excited to see people. i dont even care if the talk is boring. just being with people "i know/am getting to know" for an evening is better than sitting at home alone. which i do a lot of... when im not at work.
i might have to spend new years alone. my family is not going to my grandparents for christmas thank goodness! i can deal with thanksgiving alone but not christmas! waking up alone on christmas morning. how depressing is that. but new years alone is going to suck. unless i get time off. which i might. whoo hoo, count down by myself. notice my enthusiasm. i have given up trying to be happy for the night. i tried and then just went negative again. i should go read some more of my positive thinking book... hahaha
screw it
love,
Nic
wait, one happy thing, i thought i would have to wait a month to get my camera because i needed to keep my account above $1000 to keep off the monthly fee. well, i just got my paycheck today and lets just say i might need to wait only about another week.
maybe two happy things. i get to go to a ym staffing evening tomorrow. i thought i would have to go to SD Meeting but no i get to go with Kristine! i get to see people again... maybe Tim! he will make me smile for a bit! even if just for an evening. some of his stupid jokes. he emailed me the other day because he had been thinking about me and was just wondering how i was doing and how PUC was treating me. only Tim would do that! lol. he has sent emails out about Holden but i havent had time to go recently. i should though. actually it might help my mood. (but back to YM) and Brad will be there and maybe Linda! Linda? is that her name? sounds wrong. ok so i dont even know her name but we are still friends! lol. thinking about tomorrow night has somewhat cheered me up for the time being. im excited to see people. i dont even care if the talk is boring. just being with people "i know/am getting to know" for an evening is better than sitting at home alone. which i do a lot of... when im not at work.
i might have to spend new years alone. my family is not going to my grandparents for christmas thank goodness! i can deal with thanksgiving alone but not christmas! waking up alone on christmas morning. how depressing is that. but new years alone is going to suck. unless i get time off. which i might. whoo hoo, count down by myself. notice my enthusiasm. i have given up trying to be happy for the night. i tried and then just went negative again. i should go read some more of my positive thinking book... hahaha
screw it
love,
Nic