Online Jokes!
Joke #1:
For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven.
"You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them, "That I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want." And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.
The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.
"You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking at them.
Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on it's head."
Joke #2:
Capitalism for Dummies
Traditional Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
American Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
French Capitalism: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
Japanese Capitalism: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
Italian Capitalism: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
British Capitalism: You have two cows. Both are mad.
Russian Capitalism: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
Arkansas Capitalism: You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute...
Swiss Capitalism: You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
Irish Capitalism: You have two cows. You feed them potatoes and wonder why they emigrate.
Cuban Capitalism: You have two cows. They try to swim to Florida.
Politically Correct Capitalism: You are associated with two differently - aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.
Microsoft Capitalism: You have two cows. You patent them and sue anyone else who has them.
Iraqi Capitalism: You have two cows. They are biochemical weapons.
Cambodian Capitalism: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
Mormon Capitalism: You have two cows. You tell everyone that they should as well.
Totalitarian Capitalism: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.
Real Capitalism: You don't have any cows. The bank will not lend you money to buy cows, because you don't have any cows to put up as collateral.