And lo, I was visited by the Angst Fairy

[niblick_iii]

So you know how I said in my last post that there were a couple of incidents on Christmas Day that were causing me some angst over a week later? Well now it's over two weeks later and the angst is back. I'm not sure it ever really went away. I told myself I was going to use my LJ to document the positive things going on, instead of just whinging

Comments

[requiem2adream]

Oh honey *hugs*

My only possible explanation for why she said what she did is that maybe she doesn't quite know how you would react if she called you his daughter. Maybe she thinks you'd be offended by the suggestion that you are his daughter. I know for a fact that if anyone tried to call my fathers wife my mother - even stepmother - I would be incredibly angry. Maybe in trying to spare you from similar feelings she inadvertently gets it wrong.

Here, have an RDJ icon to drool over ♥

[niblick_iii]

I wish I could believe that was true. The fact of the matter is, she didn't think of me at all. It wouldn't even occur to her that might be upset. I doubt she even saw the way her words could be taken. And somehow, that's worse than anything. I'd almost rather she'd said it deliberately to upset me; its that fact that she has no idea that makes it worse. If she were trying to spare my feelings, she would have at least acknowledged that I had an effect on his life. In the context of the conversation we were having (I forget the details of it, I admit), if she didn't want to call me his daughter in case I got upset. she would have mentioned it in some way

[requiem2adream]

*hugs* In that case I'm sorry she's such a callous bitch.

Look! Scruffy RDJ in the Iron Man suit! http://www.blogcdn.com/blog.moviefone.com/media/2009/07/iron-man-2.jpg

[niblick_iii]

Hmm... callous is a little harsh. Thoughtless is closer to the truth.

Mmm, now that's what I'm talkin about!

[oz_the_bobble]

I'd say tell your mum, even if you end up crying down the phone at her. Because if someone knows, and can reassure you, then it might help. Or she can subtly tell your step-dad's mum that she upset you.

[niblick_iii]

Yeah, the first thing I did was cry down the phone at her. She knows how things in the past have affected me; it's not the first time I've been reduced to tears by something my stepdad's mother has said or done. It's the first time it's hit me quite so hard though, because it has me questioning my relationship with my stepdad, rather than just his mum.
Talking to her helped, but I think I really want to hear it from my stepdad, face to face. It's just one of those things that attacks me in quiet moments and won't leave me alone. Whilst I'm talking to my mum about it, then I feel a bit better, but as soon as I hang up, it all washes over me again.
The worst thing is I know, intellectually, that I'm being a bit hormonal and over reacting, that she didn't mean what she said to sound that way, and most of that what she says has no relation to what my stepdad feels, but the thought is in no way reassuring.

[bethan_b_bad]

*cwtches* Oh, Michelle. <3

I love you and I miss you. Any chance of you coming down this month whilst Lauren is here? It'll be Gareth's birthday and there'll be a gaming party.

[niblick_iii]

When is Lauren there? I'm hoping to get down soon. Although it'll just be for the weekend cos I can't really take any more time off work just now. I've taken a few days off round my birthday to visit my folks, you see. But I miss all of you guys too, so I'll definitely be down by the end of Feb.

[bethan_b_bad]

Evening of the 23rd until the 31st, she says.

[requiem2adream]

Assuming I can change my shift! If I can't I'll have to head back on the 28th.