(no subject)
this has been just irritating me for weeks. i hate when my boyfriend parties all the time because i dont know what he does and that scares me to death. i wish i was around, that'd make everything better but he lives all the way across the country. i know our love is strong enough to deal with that but it just kills me. i wish i was with him every single day. i need as much attention and love every single day/night and i wish i was more important than his friends. i wish he could just pick a single night talking to me for hours rather than flirting/talking to girls at parties. i just feel so neglected sometimes. if i'm partying while he is, then it isn't a big deal and i don't focus on it as much. he's literally on my mind 24/7, when i wake up...when i go to sleep. i can't get rid of these thoughts because he really is just that special and i've learned i need him in my life to survive day by day. although it has only been a couple months, i've gotten so attached to the point where i want him more and more. these girls are so lucky to see him at parties each night, their in his presence and that's truly a gift. something i wish i could gain. something i dream about and want more than anything. i barely hangout with guy friends anymore, just because i'm scared they may do something and ive rejected a few of my ex's. i've put so much faith and courage into this relationship, i hope it's all worth it in the end. i want to trust him, i do... it's just so difficult. i guess that's how the typical long distance relationship goes. i just get so lonely that it makes me want to cry because i avoid guys like the plague, it's good for me but whenever my bf doesnt answer his phone, i feel so depressed and develop all these idea's. he can be so sexual at times that it leaves no room for normal conversations and getting to know each other even better than before. i need an equal balance of sexual play and good conversations. the way he talks to his friends who are girls at parties, i wish i could be treated like that once in awhile. like maybe he respects them more than me? okay.gawd. i know im over exagerating. i just hope there is a real physical AND emotional attraction between us. i don't want fake bullshit, i've had plenty of that in the past and sick of it. i wanna be treated like a princess rather than a sex slave. i want kindness, love, laughs, warmth, etc.. just the BEST relationship anyone could ever ask for. i do have this but everything always has an opportunity to improve, right? i am happy in this relationship but the distance is the worse. i want to move to texas sometime soon. i know in my heart that at the end of our struggles, he's an amazing sweet good real person and with motivation, it will all work out perfectly.