Darwin Awards!
Ahhh yes, the beloved Darwin Awards have come in! :)
DARWIN AWARDS NEWSLETTER - 30 January 2005
--------------------------------------------+---+-+---+-+-+-+-+
The Darwin Awards salute the improvement of the human genome
by honoring those who contrive to remove themselves from it.
This honor is generally bestowed posthumously.
--------------------------------------------+---+-+---+-+-+-+-+
--------------------------------------------+---+-+---+-+-+-+-+
CONFIRMED Darwin Award: DEATH BY LAVA LAMP
28 November 2004
Washington
We have a new Darwin winner, with the recent demise of a man
at the hands of his lava lamp. "Why on Earth he heated a lava lamp
on the stove, we don't know," said baffled police.
No drug or alcohol evidence was found; Philip Quinn, 24, in his
right mind, placed a lava lamp on his kitchen burner and turned up
the flame. In due course, he rediscovered this favorite explosive
generator of deadly shrapnel. He was found dead in his Kent trailer
home, a shard of glass through his heart.
-confirmed (KiroTV, CNN)
--------------------------------------------+---+-+---+-+-+-+-+
CONFIRMED Darwin Award: KILLER SHADES
17 September 2003
San Francisco, California
Barry Bonds had just made the last out at the bottom of the eighth inning.
By coincidence, Todd Edward Adams, a Hawaiian surfer dude who had
recently relocated to Santa Cruz for the gnarly waves at Maverick's, was
bumming the last beer from a new friend at the San Francisco Giants'
ballpark at the same time.
Todd was leaning back over the railing of the Arcade port walk, getting to
the "bottom eighth" of a beer, when his Maui Jim* designer sunglasses
slipped off the top of his head. Down they fell, landing twenty-five feet
below, where a helpful bum picked them up and tried to toss them back.
But it was too far! Todd called out that he was coming down to get them.
His wife, Kathy, described Todd as "a passionate surfer" talented enough
to turn pro. Perhaps his sense of physical prowess was his downfall. The
agile 38-year-old briefly considered the long walk down, and then came up
with an alternative. He climbed over the railing, jumped to perch on a
light sconce five feet below, then dropped like Tarzan to the ground,
gratefully reclaiming his shades from the bum.
At least, that was the plan, and the first part, climbing the railing,
went fine. The second part was more problematic. Todd missed the sconce
and "came down like a pancake," according to a startled observer a few
feet from the point of impact. The crowd was shocked into silence. Why
would anyone take such a chance for a pair of shades?
Todd would have been chagrined to hear the observer's next words. "They
looked cheap," he said, apologizing, "I don't know sunglasses brands."
-confirmed (San Francisco Examiner, Santa Cruz Sentinal, San Jose Mercury
News)
--------------------------------------------+---+-+---+-+-+-+-+
More DARWIN AWARDS:
A Honey of a Buzz <http://DarwinAwards.comdarwin/darwin2003-14.html>
Hurricane Blumpkin <http://DarwinAwards.comdarwin/darwin2003-13.html>
"Hazard Befell Him" <http://DarwinAwards.comdarwin/darwin1994-20.html>
More HONORABLE MENTIONS:
Picture Perfect Cop <http://DarwinAwards.comstupid/stupid2003-04.html>
Blowtorch and Gunpowder <http://DarwinAwards.comstupid/stupid2003-05.html>
Off We Go... <http://DarwinAwards.comstupid/stupid2003-05.html>
--------------------------------------------+---+-+---+-+-+-+-+
* Copyright (c) 2005 www.DarwinAwards.com *
* Please share this newsletter with your friends! *