Shadow Side of Me Chapter 6
Title: Shadow Side of Me Chapter 6
Characters: Yesung, Siwon, Ryeowook, Kyuhyun, Park Jooryo (OC), the rest of Super Junior members.
Pairing: Yewon, close friendship of KRY
Genre: Angst
Rating: PG-15
Summary: He won’t let his selfishness ruined his beloved dongsaengs' dream. But the so-called sacrifice hurt him the most.
Disclaimer: I only own the story, plot, and the original characters. The fiction doesn't resemble the real life of the characters.
Warning: Cussing.
Previous: [ 1] [ 2] [ 3] [ 4] [ 5]
Jongjin sent Siwon the link that apparently is Yesung’s blog post on Naver. The younger brother of his crush had been warning him to check the post out only when he’s free, so that he wouldn’t be too distracted from his work in filming. Although the curiousity almost killed him, Siwon managed to wait until his schedule for the day ends.
Once he enters his hostel room, the muscular man hurrily takes a bath and, still wrapped in his bathing suit, he sits on the bed, opening the link via his phone.
The post is not titled, and appears like some kind of poetry.
“Cowardly, cowardly hiding
What’s the point of me being a man?
I failed to protect myself
Too ashamed to face it
Barely have dignity intact
Ruined, tainted, bruised and battered
Even disgusted by the fact that I’m still breathing
The same air as that person
But still powerless to avenge
I’m dirty and scared
There’s no way I could ask for help
No one, nobody will understand
How bitter this feeling is
Because I cannot run away
Even if I want to, even if I try to
If embarrassment could kill
What wouldn’t I give for them to take
My pointless life?”
There.
Siwon doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t even know what to think about anymore. Instead of resting, he keeps on reading and re-reading Yesung’s writing yet still can’t grasp anything. Those words just fly around in his head, as if they’re some kind of ancient encrypted words, failed to be encoded by the stressed actor’s brain.
He doesn’t realize that his eyes are getting moist. But he does realize that every single words of the blog post have so many to say at once.
Yesung is in a great miserable state. He’s scared.
But one thing disturbs the actor even more. He said he’s tainted and dirty. What does it mean?
Dirty.
Tainted.
Those two words now bother Siwon the most. What could one have done to Yesung to make him feels like he’s dirty and tainted? Did this person Yesung despises make him doing something bad, so bad to shake the strong and righteous Yesung?
Had Yesung, despite of being an honest and pure person, does something so inevitably bad, by force, for that other person’s deeds?
Siwon eyes the clock on the wall. 11 pm. He has nothing in his mind but Yesung, he feels all so uneasy regarding the hyung’s wellbeing. He contemplates to call the older man.
But what if he’s already asleep? He’s sick, right?
Siwon curses himself for not trying to text Yesung the whole day-well he had his reasons, but he desperately wants to check whether he’s fine.
He feels his hopes flop when once again it’s Jongjin who picks up his call.
“Jongwoon hyung is sick again, Siwon hyung,” Jongjin says directly in an apologizing tone. “His condition worsened just a few hours ago.”
“Not again, Jongjin-ah. What happened?” Siwon tries to stay calm but to no avail. His voice is shaking and images of the miserable beloved person flash in his mind. “Is it because of his strolling around at noon? I told you it’s not good for him to do it when he’s still not healthy!” Unknowingly Siwon snaps to the younger man.
“I’m sorry hyung. You know how hard it is to reason with him, right? As a younger brother I barely have control over my older brother…” Siwon feels guilty right then for blaming Jongjin when he knows how stubborn Yesung could be sometimes. “You have to listen to me, Hyung, I have a strange story.”
***
Yesung looked so much better when he came home about an hour after he went out with his lovely dog Kkoming. He’s sweating, yes, but his face wasn’t as pale as he was earlier. He had this healthy tint of pink on his face and seemed like he had forgotten about his little snap to Jongjin.
“Jin-ah, this girl is really naughty! Making her oppa ran here and there chasing for her!” Yesung pointed at the energetic Kkoming who ran past Jongjin to her toilet for business.
“What? You actually ran with her?” his little brother was shocked. “But you’re still sick!”
“Yeah, I was a bit dizzy at first, but then seeing her playing with butterflies and rolling on the grass seemed really fun. I followed her steps and also rolled on the grass, look,” Yesung showed his little brother part of his t-shirt which was dirty of soil and grass. “Huh, but now I’m really tired, Jin-ah.”
Being a good dongsaeng he was, Jongjin quickly made his brother some iced melon juice to re-energize him. When he’d done, Yesung was currently sitting on the sofa, watching TV and sucking on his pink lollypop. Kkoming sat beside him, apparently was so sleepy. His hyung looked like a little child, so peaceful and serene. He smiled at the sight.
The brother then watched the TV together. But Jongjin spent most of the time staring at his hyung, trying to detect any weariness or anxiety, but he showed none.
If anything had ever bother Yesung, it didn’t show at all that afternoon. He seemed relaxed, laughing over some varieties on TV. After some times, the singer fell asleep on the sofa.
Jongjin had to wake him up for dinner, and his hyung happily informed him that he wanted to eat rice instead of porridge.
“You’re still sick, you have to only eat porridge,” Jongjin rolled his eyes.
“No, I’m now healthy enough. Only I was a bit tired because of Kkoming. That’s why I need my energy now. Porridge won’t give me any,” Yesung reasoned, looking at Jongjin as if his little brother’s so stupid for not noticing that he’s healthy already.
“Fine. But no kimchi for you. I’m afraid your stomach can’t stand it just yet.”
After they ate, Jongjin gave his brother his phone back. Yesung was in the middle of a conversation with their mother at work via phone in his room when the doorbell rang.
Jongjin spoke to the intercom, and turned out the guest was Yesung’s vocal trainer. Actually the barista found it weird that someone from the company visited Yesung at home, but then thought that maybe they had something to talk regarding to the change of Yesung’s recording schedule. He opened the door and a tall, bulky man entered through the door.
“My name’s Park Jooryo, you’re Yesung’s little brother, right?”
Jongjin bowed. “My name is Kim Jongjin. Come on in,” he ushered the trainer to the parlor. “Actually Jongwoon hyung is still sick, although his condition is better than this morning,” he explained when both of them already sat comfortably on the sofa.
“I was so worried when his manager told me he couldn’t come this morning,” Jooryo smiled. He gestured to a parcel of fruits he’s holding, and put it on the coffee table in between them. “This is just a little get-well-soon present from me.”
“Ah, this is too much, thank you Jooryo-ssi,” Jongjin smiled politely. “I’m sorry, we are not used to people from the company to come here to the house,” he then stood up. “I should offer you a drink, what about some coffee?”
“No, you don’t need to do that, Jongjin-ssi. I just want to see Yesung for a brief moment, I still have to go back to the office,” Jooryo fidgeted on his seat. “I will excuse myself then.”
“Wait a minute Jooryo-ssi, don’t be too hasty, you’ve come all the way here, let me just offer you some coffee and we could have some talk,” Jongjin convinced him then quickly went to the kitchen preparing for drinks and snacks.
“What in the world are you doing here?”
Yesung’s loud voice was heard from the parlor, shocking his little brother who’s about ready in serving drinks.
“Hyung?” Jongjin quickly dragged his feet to the parlor and found his brother stood in front of the coffee table in front of the guest. His small body was shaking and his face was flushed red.
“I ask you what the fuck are you doing here!”
“Yah, Yesung-ah, your hyung comes to your house, why do you say such harsh words? I’m just worried about you,” Jooryo calmly smiled as if he’s not affected by the fire raging in Yesung’s eyes.
“Hyung, you know Jooryo-ssi, right?” Jongjin approached, asking tentatively.
“You get outta here,” again the singer said, his voice cracked. He apparently didn’t hear Jongjin at all. “Go! Vanish!”
“Haha, you are really sick aren’t you Yesung-ah? Even joking like that to hyung,” Jooryo then gestured. “Please just sit down. I have many things to tell you about the recording, it’s important,” still with his calm demeanor, the older man then pulled out some folders with the company’s logo on it out of his postman bag like nothing had just transpired in that room.
“Hyung, are you alright? Who is he?” Jongjin whispered to his hyung’s ear, holding his hand. His brother was just too stunned to move.
Something apparently sunk in to Yesung that he obeyed Jooryo then sat silently on the sofa in front of the company worker.
“Hyung, are you alright?”
“Don’t worry, Jongjin-ssi, Yesung is usually like that to me, and other trainers. It’s just his way of showing affection, maybe,” Jooryo barged in, noticing Jongjin’s uneasiness. “He has a specific sense of humour,” he then winked to the silent singer.
“Oh,” was Jongjin’s only response.
Something’s fishy. He’d been friends with many of Yesung’s older friends and his brother was always so respectful and polite towards them. Never did he see his brother cursed at his hyungs like that, not even to their cousins. He’d been there to SJ’s concerts in Seoul too, and he never witnessed Yesung scold any of the company worker that harshly.
But Jooryo could still act calm and composed being cursed by his hyung, does it mean his hyung is really like that to some of the company people that Jongjin had never met? Or is it his hyung’s sickness talking that made him act that way? He had to find out the real situation between those two men when there’s no one around.
“Uhm, I have to get you your coffee, Jooryo-ssi,” Jongjin said as if he suddenly remembered. He was going to stand up but he halted his movement.
He felt the hand of his hyung that he’s holding gripped his so strong that he almost winced in pain. But as if he’s awakened from his trance, Yesung let his little brother’s hand go a second after.
“Oh yes, the coffee, Jin-ah,” Yesung said. His jaw was tight and his lips barely moved. He avoided Jongjin’s eyes, too. “Don’t neglect our guest.”
Jongjin went out of the parlor but instead of walking to the kitchen, he pressed his body to the wall where the people in the parlor couldn’t see him. From there he could listen to what the singer and the trainer were talking about.
“I have seven ballads for you,” he heard Jooryo tells Yesung. “They could make an album, don’t you think?”
There’s silence. Jongjin couldn’t see his brother’s facial expression, but him, being silent about an album offering, was definitely what Jongjin would call bizarre.
“Don’t be too cocky. I can just pass these songs to anyone,” Jooryo lowered his voice so that Jongjin could barely hear him. “What can you offer me for all of them? Simple. You know the rule.”
“O… okay,” came the weak reply from the younger man. “Whatever.”
“So, are we on the same page here, Yesung-ah?” Jooryo’s voice was too loud. Perhaps he wanted Jongjin to hear from the kitchen.
Jongjin didn’t get to hear his brother’s last answer because he had to run to the kitchen to get the coffees and snacks he promised earlier to the guest immediately.
“After that guest went home, Jongwoon hyung threw up. He totally emptied his stomach but still he couldn’t stop himself. Until he threw up nothing but liquids,” Jongjin concludes his story to Siwon, barely able to holds his tears. “He was so miserable, hyung…”
Siwon bits his lower lip, fidgeting uneasily in his seat. Hearing Jongjin’s story, the thoughts of Yesung’s mysterious poetry left his mind right away.
“He was better before, right? Why he threw up all so suddenly?” the actor doesn’t expect Jongjin to know the answer but still, he has to let it go of his chest.
“I don’t know, hyung. Really. I’m also confused. It could be that he hasn’t recovered or strong enough to eat rice, that his stomach was then raging,” Jongjin says guiltily. “I should’ve forbid him from eating rice, really.”
“Ah, you’re right. He’s got the symptom of thypus, right?”
“Yeah. I’m really not a good dongsaeng,” Jongjin says gravely. “He has to do this recording the day after tomorrow. Then there’s a concert abroad too next week. What if he hasn’t recovered yet tomorrow, hyung? I’m the one to blame!”
“Don’t blame yourself, Jongjin-ah. You know how strong headed Yesung hyung is. It’s his own fault for being so careless of his health. So typical of him,” Siwon tries to humor the gloomy little brother.
“He’s always so careless, but I’m the one who’s scolded by eomma, hyung. She expected me to take a better care of my hyung but I just messed up,” Jongjin laughs dryly.
Siwon chuckles. “Poor you, Jongjin-ah.”
“Hey hyung, I just remember that I was going to ask you if you know that Jooryo person.”
Siwon knits his brows. “Yeah, I have a feeling that I’ve heard of him once, but I can’t really remember… Wait,” he then pulls away the phone from his ears and checking his contact list. “Hey I remember now, Jongjin-ah! He called me once,” Siwon informs as he finds Jooryo’s name in his contact list. “I saved his number, too…”
There’re too many people in Siwon’s life. It’s hard for him to remember them all, moreover if he barely has any contact with the person.
“He called you? Are you trained in vocal under him too, hyung?”
“No, I don’t have a proper vocal training,” the actor says, still busy recalling anything about Jooryo. “But he’s KRY’s vocal trainer, that’s what I wrote in my contact.”
“Oh, so perhaps what he meant by seven ballads are songs for KRY’s album…” Jongjin mutters, more to himself than Siwon.
“Yeah, aren’t they recording for KRY?”
“Yap. But I find it weird that he had to come here to inform hyung. Can’t they just meet at the company?” Jongjin’s voice sparks with curiousity.
“Like he said, he’s visiting the sick,” Siwon wonders why Jongjin takes it as a big deal. “People from the company frequently came to my house when I was super busy, like when I had to come straight away from abroad to record something in Korea. We had meetings in my house a lot,” he explains.
“Aaah, now I understand. It’s still the very first time for us, though Hyung. I was so confused,” Jongjin laughs, feeling stupid. “Now I’m only confused of his violent reactions towards Jooryo-ssi. He was so rude. Is he really like that to his trainer like what Jooryo-ssi said?”
Jongjin’s words ignite a flash of memory in the older man’s mind.
“Oh God, now I remember, Jongjin-ah,” Siwon’s surprised by the realization. “A few days ago Jooryo-ssi called me because he had some problems with Yesung-hyung. He said something about it too… Wait let me try to recall.”
“He had some problems with my hyung?” Jongjin gasps. “So I was right! Now it makes sense! Jongwoon hyung seemed like he’s mad when he saw him here!”
“He said… That Yesung hyung is half-assing song practices, and something about the song… Also something about SHINee…” Siwon continues. “I can’t remember. But Yesung hyung was so shocked when I told him about that call… He was like… Furious…”
“That… Is that true?” the younger man sounds uncertain. “Fury… My hyung did seem furious when he saw him, Siwon hyung.”
“Do you think he has something to do with hyung’s condition?”
“Ah, that’s something too light to be a trigger of Jongwoon hyung’s fury, don’t you think? My hyung is not a person who holds grudge or something.”
“But sure he is hot-headed,” Siwon hesitates.
“That you got right. But he always forgives…”
“I don’t know, Jongjin-ah. Regardless, I don’t like this Jooryo person if he could make my beloved hyung enraged all the time,” Siwon concludes.
“Me too, hyung. Me too,” Jongjin easily agrees. “He had this glint in his eyes that made me feel really uncomfortable, you know? And the way he smirked, he looked like a jerk, hehehe.”
“I’m so curious about this person. I’ll ask Kyuhyun tomorrow then.”
***
TBC
A/N: I'm sorry that most of this story consisted of phone conversation. And so little of YeWon's interaction. It can't be helped since Siwon was really in China in the setting of the story.