.:Day 20 - Bad Day:.
Today was easily one of the most difficult days in the program that I have experienced. It was absolutely exhausting, to make a long story short- and I didn't even do Physical Therapy today. Though I wish I had, it would have given me a way to work off some of this junk. It's suprising just how much emotions can wear a person out, in top of my already petty energy-levels. Before I send any of the readers into a flurry of panic, the say wasn't entirely horrible. But everyone has bad days occastionally, this just happened to be one of them. I just hope it doesn't influence the rest of my day- that would really suck. Naturally I don't really feel like writing in this tonight either, but I'm just self-aborbed enough to give you a better run-down then I did yesterday. I'm not sure if I should consider you as lucky or take pity on your soul.
... Your choice, I suppose. 8D Ahem, so let's get on with it shall we?
Morning actually started out incredibly well, emo-free and all. I woke up on my own and on time, ate breakfast, took a shower, did the dishes, did the laundry and read some of a fanfiction all before departing for a good day's work! What's to say, the morning started off incredibly well. Mom was in a good mood and everything, she even went to her first of her tri-weekly tranquilty room visits. I'm proud of her and how hard she's been working, she really is comming a long way from where she was. Then again, I'm just happy to see her getting anywhere at all. Anyway, after I got out of the door this morning I was almost instantly reduced to a rampant giggling sweater. Thankfully, no such mutation happened but I was still pretty happy. When I walked outside, there was snow coating the cars, and the fences and the grass and stuff. It was kind of weird because the streets, side-walks, and most buildings didn't have any snow on them at all but it was still so amazing! There wasn't an inch of it on the ground, but for someone whose never seen snow it was like walking into some sort of below-freezing paradise.
So I did the most practical thing I could do, I made a snow angel on the apartment's lawn and drew smiley faces on everybody's car. On that note, snow feels absolutely awesome! It was all felt-like, and soft and cold! For most people, this is probably a no brainer, but hey. I was pretty dissapointed that I didn't get to see it fall, since I've never seen that at all. It must have happened while I was sleeping- anyway, I'm hopeful that I may catch my first snowfall tomorrow. Some of the civilians on the street just about shot me for my enthusiasm about the snow, which isn't uncommon since were kind of in the hood but hey. I made it to the Medical Center unscathed, cold, and bouncier than nessecary. It made the nurses laugh though, which is all well as good. I didn't get to bother any stoic doctors today though. Such a pity. Well, my first appointment was of course with Dr. Danda, and her assistant Kim. It started out just great, but it snowballed into something quite different. Viva la poof went my day in Paradise.
Two things happened that dampened my day considerably. We'll start with the more easily explained for starters. It's been confirmed that I have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, anyone who doesn't know who that is remember that Google is your friend or put your vocabulary skills to work. That caused Mom to fre- well wait, that all has to do with our second order of buisness. Second thing that Dr. Danda decided was that I had to confront Mom with the team on how much and what she contributes to both that and the other stuff I have in the team meeting. That would be a very bad thing, for those of you who don't know my Mother well she throws words like daggers, has no problem raising her voice, and has a temper that's as large as an oxyen particle. 'Course there's more to it, but that doesn't matter. Anyway, it doesn't matter how many people you have to back you up when you're that scared. It didn't help that Mom had to learn that I had PTSD, and I'm going to skip over some of this because it's something I'd rather not remember.
The meeting did go better then expected, we ate a civil lunch but the day just went entirely down hill from there. On the brightside I did get to visit with the neighbor upstairs, Miss Barbra. She's a beautiful lady, and she's got a great heart- I just wish that she'd see that for herself. Her life has had some pretty rough bumps in it, but she's pulled out stronger then she knows. I've been forced to respect her despite the habits she had, which would normally make me entirely indifferent to her exsistance. I admire her for pushing through, and she reminds me of a couple of people. She reminds me of Kagura from Fruits Baskets, and a better-tempered version of Speck (that would be Rachael's Character). Her sleep pattern is worse then mine, and her cat has bigger eyes then my dog. And that's saying something pretty huge right there, really.
Today I also realized how incredibly lonely I am out here. I really just wish that I had someone, even if it was just for an hour or two to sit down with and just hang out. I wish that there was someone who I could bother, and have fun with. There isn't really though, and a lot of the people I'd been hopeful would be able to visit won't be able to. Not just a couple of people either, so it's kind of sad. My problems are so insignificant, they're not even problems. So many people have it so much worse, I'm a pretty lucky kid and I take too much for granted. I don't really feel like being here, so I'm going to go crawl off, attempt to calm down and sleep. Neither of which will be easy, especially because of the challenges that tomorrow bring. I have these huge tests to do that will take forever, and physical therapy afterword. I'm going to crash when I get home, I know that I am.
But I suppose I'll tell you about that tomorrow. Who knows? Maybe tomorrow I'll actually be able to have a better da- ... I just realized I missed House. Wow, that really sucks. I also completed one out of my billions of art things for the art-teacher I should have done. His class alone is really stressing me out, I'm doing okay in the others though (even though I don't know how to send in all my written work). In any event, his class is putting too much strain on me. He expects me to have something for each day. As far as I'm concerned, I'll be happy if I can manage one thing a week. I'm sorry, but this program and the key subjects come before it. But I'm freaking out anyway, because I really don't want to fail. My math book finally came today, but I don't even want to think about that. I did'nt even have the heart to call Miss Davis to set up an appointment.
Happy Tuesday, and I hope that your day was better than mine...
... Your choice, I suppose. 8D Ahem, so let's get on with it shall we?
Morning actually started out incredibly well, emo-free and all. I woke up on my own and on time, ate breakfast, took a shower, did the dishes, did the laundry and read some of a fanfiction all before departing for a good day's work! What's to say, the morning started off incredibly well. Mom was in a good mood and everything, she even went to her first of her tri-weekly tranquilty room visits. I'm proud of her and how hard she's been working, she really is comming a long way from where she was. Then again, I'm just happy to see her getting anywhere at all. Anyway, after I got out of the door this morning I was almost instantly reduced to a rampant giggling sweater. Thankfully, no such mutation happened but I was still pretty happy. When I walked outside, there was snow coating the cars, and the fences and the grass and stuff. It was kind of weird because the streets, side-walks, and most buildings didn't have any snow on them at all but it was still so amazing! There wasn't an inch of it on the ground, but for someone whose never seen snow it was like walking into some sort of below-freezing paradise.
So I did the most practical thing I could do, I made a snow angel on the apartment's lawn and drew smiley faces on everybody's car. On that note, snow feels absolutely awesome! It was all felt-like, and soft and cold! For most people, this is probably a no brainer, but hey. I was pretty dissapointed that I didn't get to see it fall, since I've never seen that at all. It must have happened while I was sleeping- anyway, I'm hopeful that I may catch my first snowfall tomorrow. Some of the civilians on the street just about shot me for my enthusiasm about the snow, which isn't uncommon since were kind of in the hood but hey. I made it to the Medical Center unscathed, cold, and bouncier than nessecary. It made the nurses laugh though, which is all well as good. I didn't get to bother any stoic doctors today though. Such a pity. Well, my first appointment was of course with Dr. Danda, and her assistant Kim. It started out just great, but it snowballed into something quite different. Viva la poof went my day in Paradise.
Two things happened that dampened my day considerably. We'll start with the more easily explained for starters. It's been confirmed that I have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, anyone who doesn't know who that is remember that Google is your friend or put your vocabulary skills to work. That caused Mom to fre- well wait, that all has to do with our second order of buisness. Second thing that Dr. Danda decided was that I had to confront Mom with the team on how much and what she contributes to both that and the other stuff I have in the team meeting. That would be a very bad thing, for those of you who don't know my Mother well she throws words like daggers, has no problem raising her voice, and has a temper that's as large as an oxyen particle. 'Course there's more to it, but that doesn't matter. Anyway, it doesn't matter how many people you have to back you up when you're that scared. It didn't help that Mom had to learn that I had PTSD, and I'm going to skip over some of this because it's something I'd rather not remember.
The meeting did go better then expected, we ate a civil lunch but the day just went entirely down hill from there. On the brightside I did get to visit with the neighbor upstairs, Miss Barbra. She's a beautiful lady, and she's got a great heart- I just wish that she'd see that for herself. Her life has had some pretty rough bumps in it, but she's pulled out stronger then she knows. I've been forced to respect her despite the habits she had, which would normally make me entirely indifferent to her exsistance. I admire her for pushing through, and she reminds me of a couple of people. She reminds me of Kagura from Fruits Baskets, and a better-tempered version of Speck (that would be Rachael's Character). Her sleep pattern is worse then mine, and her cat has bigger eyes then my dog. And that's saying something pretty huge right there, really.
Today I also realized how incredibly lonely I am out here. I really just wish that I had someone, even if it was just for an hour or two to sit down with and just hang out. I wish that there was someone who I could bother, and have fun with. There isn't really though, and a lot of the people I'd been hopeful would be able to visit won't be able to. Not just a couple of people either, so it's kind of sad. My problems are so insignificant, they're not even problems. So many people have it so much worse, I'm a pretty lucky kid and I take too much for granted. I don't really feel like being here, so I'm going to go crawl off, attempt to calm down and sleep. Neither of which will be easy, especially because of the challenges that tomorrow bring. I have these huge tests to do that will take forever, and physical therapy afterword. I'm going to crash when I get home, I know that I am.
But I suppose I'll tell you about that tomorrow. Who knows? Maybe tomorrow I'll actually be able to have a better da- ... I just realized I missed House. Wow, that really sucks. I also completed one out of my billions of art things for the art-teacher I should have done. His class alone is really stressing me out, I'm doing okay in the others though (even though I don't know how to send in all my written work). In any event, his class is putting too much strain on me. He expects me to have something for each day. As far as I'm concerned, I'll be happy if I can manage one thing a week. I'm sorry, but this program and the key subjects come before it. But I'm freaking out anyway, because I really don't want to fail. My math book finally came today, but I don't even want to think about that. I did'nt even have the heart to call Miss Davis to set up an appointment.
Happy Tuesday, and I hope that your day was better than mine...