Goals and Dreams
I used this title on the previous entry but didn't write anything relating to it. I've been thinking lately about where I am in my life and how dissatisfied I am about my current situation. There is a part of me that wants so badly to do the things I've planned that I am ready to tear down everything we've worked so hard to accomplish this past year. Would it be worth it? I truly don't know. What I do know, though, is that I don't want to do anything foolish and I don't want to deal with shit the way I have done in the past. Just drop everything and walk away and start from scratch. I honestly believe its one of the reasons our journey has been so tough.
I do know I have a tendency to lose focus on what is really important to me. Like my jobs. I am so concerned about proving to everyone that I am competent that I become obssessed. Of course, anyone can tell this by reading my previous journal entries. I ranted and raved about the people I work with and the meaningless crap I have to do. I may still have rant days--but if it is God's Will, they will be few and far between.
Because I didn't work all those 12-step programs for nothing. I do finally understand the meaning of the serenity prayer. I feel this time I'm on the right path. I've acquired and am continuing to acquire new coping tools to help me get where it is I've been striving for a long time to go. I have every intention of pursuing my dreams. I want to be an entrepreneur and I know I have the capability and knowledge to make that a reality. I did it before and I most certainly am going to do it again. I am also going to start my non-profit organization for single mothers who work. Females who aren't receiving assistance from anyone. Those women (young and old who are out there doing it for themselves and getting very little help or appreciation or encouragement for their efforts). And I will become a published author and a publisher. I still haven't made up my mind about pursuing my natural talent--the artistic skill I was born with--drawing. I don't know if it will be in graphics design or illustration; perhaps both. I just know for a fact that it is now time for me to take me and my goals seriously and quit worrying about what other people think of me. I no longer have to prove to anyone that I am competent and talented. My history speaks for itself. And just as Tonia reassured me, whether I achieve these dreams and goals or not, I am still a great person just as I am. And it is no longer important that I do these things on a grand scale; just so long as I make the effort. It's all about the journey not the destination that's most important. I know I will enjoy the ride. It will definitely be more stimulating and challenging than fighting for a crusty-ass apartment and beat-down job.
Thank You, Allah, for answering my prayers. All Praise is Truly Due! Allah-u-Akbar... Inshallah...
I do know I have a tendency to lose focus on what is really important to me. Like my jobs. I am so concerned about proving to everyone that I am competent that I become obssessed. Of course, anyone can tell this by reading my previous journal entries. I ranted and raved about the people I work with and the meaningless crap I have to do. I may still have rant days--but if it is God's Will, they will be few and far between.
Because I didn't work all those 12-step programs for nothing. I do finally understand the meaning of the serenity prayer. I feel this time I'm on the right path. I've acquired and am continuing to acquire new coping tools to help me get where it is I've been striving for a long time to go. I have every intention of pursuing my dreams. I want to be an entrepreneur and I know I have the capability and knowledge to make that a reality. I did it before and I most certainly am going to do it again. I am also going to start my non-profit organization for single mothers who work. Females who aren't receiving assistance from anyone. Those women (young and old who are out there doing it for themselves and getting very little help or appreciation or encouragement for their efforts). And I will become a published author and a publisher. I still haven't made up my mind about pursuing my natural talent--the artistic skill I was born with--drawing. I don't know if it will be in graphics design or illustration; perhaps both. I just know for a fact that it is now time for me to take me and my goals seriously and quit worrying about what other people think of me. I no longer have to prove to anyone that I am competent and talented. My history speaks for itself. And just as Tonia reassured me, whether I achieve these dreams and goals or not, I am still a great person just as I am. And it is no longer important that I do these things on a grand scale; just so long as I make the effort. It's all about the journey not the destination that's most important. I know I will enjoy the ride. It will definitely be more stimulating and challenging than fighting for a crusty-ass apartment and beat-down job.
Thank You, Allah, for answering my prayers. All Praise is Truly Due! Allah-u-Akbar... Inshallah...