maybe i should drill a hole in my head. or leeches!
god fuck damn it.
i really hate these moods. i really do. it took me until 1 pm to leave the house. i sat on the floor for a long time. staring. i got scared. No leave house. sitting. good.
now, i j ust feel. shit. shit.
argh. what the fuck is wrong with me? i am On the fucking pills. my seritonin is regulated. yay. i don't have low self esteem. i have no trauma. everything is good. i know this. i am glad. i don't hate myself and want to die. i jsut feel extremely depressed. for no reason. none.
i am normal. completely. i don't understand. i wish fucking cbt would do something. then at least i would have some sort of power over this. but i can't just fucking fix this with any sort of therapy. and i've been fine (ish) for ages. stress? i don't know, i am pretty rational. it's not that big deal in the scheme of things, i know things will work out. i am not worried. i think i just like to blame stress. i just want to hibernate. i want to bury myself. i want to . sleep. all. day. and not have to move and to feel. like. this. anymore. i don't get these mood swings. i don't fucking get it.
my mind is ratty and dribbly. the sentences are all crumbly and incoherent and sloppy. i cannot put the words together. i cannot make them make sense.
i really hate these moods. i really do. it took me until 1 pm to leave the house. i sat on the floor for a long time. staring. i got scared. No leave house. sitting. good.
now, i j ust feel. shit. shit.
argh. what the fuck is wrong with me? i am On the fucking pills. my seritonin is regulated. yay. i don't have low self esteem. i have no trauma. everything is good. i know this. i am glad. i don't hate myself and want to die. i jsut feel extremely depressed. for no reason. none.
i am normal. completely. i don't understand. i wish fucking cbt would do something. then at least i would have some sort of power over this. but i can't just fucking fix this with any sort of therapy. and i've been fine (ish) for ages. stress? i don't know, i am pretty rational. it's not that big deal in the scheme of things, i know things will work out. i am not worried. i think i just like to blame stress. i just want to hibernate. i want to bury myself. i want to . sleep. all. day. and not have to move and to feel. like. this. anymore. i don't get these mood swings. i don't fucking get it.
my mind is ratty and dribbly. the sentences are all crumbly and incoherent and sloppy. i cannot put the words together. i cannot make them make sense.