The Alleged Conspiracy Against Nichkhun Horvejkul
Title: The Alleged Conspiracy Against Nichkhun Horvejkul
Rating: PG-13
Pairing/Group: Khunyoung (2PM)
Word count: 2,245 (One-shot)
Summary:
Nichkhun is not happy with the parody script.
He is convinced there is a conspiracy going on,
And he will do everything (even strangle bunnies) to stop it.
Notes: Based on the epicness that is 2PM's You're Beautiful' parody in SBS Gayo Daejun. I hope this is funny--it's the feel I tried to go for. LOL. And because she's my eternal SBS Gayo Daejun spazz buddy, this crackone-shot is dedicated to nadlein. :))
The Alleged Conspiracy Against Nichkhun Horvejkul
By Nhixxie // Nhijumma
“THIS IS A CONSPIRACY!”
The 190 centimeter rapping giant jumped at the voice-and at the same time threw his Bleach manga up in the air, arms flailing as he shot right off his bed and into the living room where he swore he heard Jay’s voice.
“OH MY GOD JAY YOU’RE BACK-” Taecyeon shrieked in delight, but was stopped when all he saw was Nichkhun standing in the middle of the room. “Oh.” Taec’s face fell massively, “It’s just you.”
“You.” Nichkhun angrily breathed hot air through his nose. “Sit down and listen to my rant.”
Taecyeon huffed a dejected puff of breath as he padded over to where the others were slumped across the couch. With out any concern towards those who will be squished (killed) underneath, he threw his massive self over the already occupied furniture, wriggling his entire body so he could fit.
“Do you not see the occupied state of the couch?!” Junsu furiously gasped, trying to push away the gigantic elbow that was puncturing his throat
“I was deceived.” Taecyeon grumbled to himself, spreading his unbelievably long limbs even more, “Shut up.”
“Hyung, it’s six thirty AM.” Chansung protested groggily from underneath Taecyeon’s leg, “Who in the world will conspire against you so early in the morning..?”
“The director, that’s who! The script writers too!” Nichkhun answered fiercely, grabbing a copy of their You’re Beautiful script from his pajamas’ pocket and waved it around the surrounding space like a baton, “Those traitors.”
Wooyoung yawned, stretching his arms upwards like a cat. “Is this about me and Junho kissing for the parody?”
Junho cracked an eye open. “We are?”
Wooyoung nodded uncaringly. “We are.”
“IT IS.” Nichkhun firmly pointed the roll of paper over at Wooyoung. “I do not approve of it, nor will I accept it.” He said with a tone of finality, folding his muscular arms across his chest.
“Khun, it’s just for the program.” Wooyoung reasoned calmly, slumping his arms on his lap.
“I don’t care.” Nichkhun answered back hotly.
“Khun, drop it.”
“WHO THE HELL HAS SEEN A YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL PARODY WHERE MINAM HAS MORE SKINSHIP WITH ANOTHER DUDE?! TAEKYUNG-MINAM IS LOVE! KHUNYOUNG IS LOVE! THIS IS A CONSPIRACY! A CONSPIRACY I TELL YOU!”
“Nichkhun Buck Horvejkul.” Wooyoung snapped coldly, banging his hand loudly onto the arm rest, “You will drop this NOW. You will accept this OR ELSE. I was patient enough to learn how to say your freakishly complicated name, and you will be patient enough to go through this.”
Wooyoung pushed Taecyeon’s head from his lap (who in response gave off a cry of disappointment at the loss of his head rest), stood up and directed himself towards the kitchen.
Nichkhun stood in his spot for a few moments, basking in coldness and heartbreak, before dramatically slumping his body onto the wooden floor like a damsel in distress, curling into a sad (cute) ball, sobbing “Noooo, Woodong-ah, nooooo..”
“Serves you right.” Taecyeon taunted contentedly, sticking his tongue out while wiggling his toes, “That’s for being a mean, deceptive man with a weird name.”
“Shut the fuck up.” Nichkhun sniffed from where he was sprawled on the ground.
Taecyeon was shocked and visibly hurt. “Your language is offensive, Buck.”
Hello?
This is a conspiracy!
Oh my god. YOU IDIOT. I’m at church.
Oh. Sorry. But there’s a conspiracy! Jay, they’re conspiring against me and I am hurt by it.
Khun. No one will dare conspire against you. Staff people, whatever show they may belong to, has Nichkhun bias. Even God has Nichkhun bias. You’re just being stupid.
They’re gonna make Woodong and Junho kiss. IT’S NOT FAIR. They want me to suffer. AND DIE.
They don’t know you’re gay.
They don’t need to know I’m gay! Do they not see the Khunyoung? It’s a national treasure, they should exert effort to preserve it.
Well, the one thing I’ve learned about conspiracies is that you don’t actually get to stop it. It just happens, and you realize it, then you let it go because it’s bound to be forgotten anyways. So just take it like a man and suck it up.
God. I hate this.
Now you see my dilemma.
I hate this so much I want to strangle bunnies.
You’re heartless. How’s Taec?
He misses you.
I’ll send dried mangoes soon.
Okay.
So. *smirk* How does it feel being gay?
As much as Nichkhun wanted to kill innocent animals because of it, the parody had to be filmed one way or another. The joy of being Taekyung was officially stomped to the ground like something really icky and Nichkhun could only gather himself in one corner, sulking visibly.
Nichkhun had attempted to mathematically map it all out. 2 Wooyoung hugs + 1 Wooyoung nap scene = 3 Khunyoung moments. But 1 JunYoung kiss = A bajillion Khunyoung hugs. Nichkhun only became even angrier which explained the cuss words on Taecyeon’s walls.
Now, it was not only the kissing scene. Wooyoung was obviously mad at Nichkhun’s blatant disregard of staff authority, and he was clearly being reprimanded for it. The Thai prince was so used to everybody flailing over his undeniable charm and worshipping the ground he had graced with his presence that nothing was out of his control.
And yes, he was a bit monopolistic.
And proud.
And controlling.
Khun cornered Junho the moment he stepped out of the house. Glaring at him with such an intense fire lighting his eyes, he declared, “I hate you.”
Junho sighed, patting a hand over the other’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, Khunnie. It’s just work.”
“Even though. I still hate you.” Nichkhun growled stubbornly.
“It’s work.” Junho assuredly repeated, slinging one arm around Khun, “And I’m straight. So there you go.”
As the smiling-eyed boy (whose eyelids won’t even allow a proper wink) walked towards the filming area, Nichkhun helplessly looked over to where Wooyoung was, trying to catch his gaze.
Wooyoung narrowed his already-too-chinky eyes at him and turned away.
If it wasn’t for the dirt and the potential insects happily digging holes, Khun would have endlessly rolled on the ground in agony.
“WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?!”
It was lunch time.
Even with the presence of pre-cooked meals and the overwhelming aroma of food, Nichkhun was far from his peachy, basking-in-the-rays-of-the-sunshine prince that he used to be before this ordeal started. He seemed to have sucked in either too much negativity or too much air pollution-because Junho swore the pearly white-skinned wangja was now a couple of shades darker.
“Khun, give me some of your side dishes.” Taecyeon said.
“Not until you admit to your teeth surgery.” Prince sneered sourly.
“Khun, move your feet, it’s bumping into my knees.” Junsu noted.
“Not until you burn all your ugly hats.”
“Khun, I can’t see the television. Move a little bit.” Junho complained.
“Not until you have bigger eyes.”
“Hyung, give me more rice, pleeeaaaase?” Chansung pleaded.
“Not until you have smaller nostrils.”
“Nichkhun, stop being prissy.” Wooyoung commanded.
“Not until you-” Prince was brave enough to start, but was caught in quite dilemma, “Until you..” He tried to rummage around his brain for something icky about Wooyoung.
Wooyoung waited.
Khun puffed angrily, hoisting himself up. “I’LL FIND SOMETHING, I SWEAR!” he vengefully yelled, stomping away.
It was the moment.
Nichkhun scrunched his small face in disgruntled annoyance, watching as Junho and Wooyoung got into their specified placing. He felt Junsu and Taec’s arms around his shoulder, as if bracing him for an impact that could render him airborne or maybe break a couple of ribs.
“Be strong.” Taec said in a comforting manner, giving his arm a couple of reassuring pats.
“It’s gonna be over in a few seconds.” Junsu added, nodding his head in a gesture. “It’s okay, Khun.”
Nichkhun was touched with this act of kindness, but he wished people stopped saying that ‘it was okay’. Because honestly, this was not okay. Hell no it was not. It was so far from okay that the rock standing innocently by their left was beginning to appeal to his evil, violent-rock-throwing nature.
“I refuse to see this.” Thai prince mumbled in disdain, firmly closing his eyes shut.
3.
2.
1.
And-
“Nichkhun-sshi?”
The aforementioned person cracked one eye open. “Is it over?”
“We need you to watch the scene.” The female director smiled embarrassedly, scratching the top of her hair, “We’re filming you guys too.”
Nichkhun’s face turned unbelievably sour.
“Traitors.” He hissed.
“Conspiracy..” Nichkhun mumbled in an almost drunken way with his voice muffled against the couch, half-heartedly slumped on his belly. “This is a conspiracy..!”
“Too much phone time with Jaebeom-hyung, huh?”
The forlorn prince of all that represented beauty raised his head, groggily pushing away the hair that obscured his eyes. “It’s you.” He acknowledged Wooyoung’s presence in a snooty manner.
Wooyoung smirked a knowing kind of smirk. “You’re mad at me?”
Nichkhun rolled his eyes so snootily he had an air of drama-queen-princess-diva going on with him. Jo Kwon would have been proud.
“Oh. I dunno. If someone really important to me exchanged spit with another person, would I be mad? OH GEE. I REALLY DON’T KNOW!” He finished off with a sarcastic yell, thrashing his arms within the vicinity that his limbs could reach.
“Okay then, I’ll go.”
Nichkhun had turned himself frozenly rigid, closely listening to the soft footsteps being made against the wooden flooring just in case Wooyoung was bluffing. But then the sound was too fast and too persistent, leaving Khun to debate with the ferocity of his manly pride.
In the end Nichkhun flipped himself on his back, furiously beating his entire body against the couch like a fish swooped out of the water (he was a weak man, unfortunately) and extended an arm forward as he shot himself up onto a seated position. “STOP!”
“I-FREAKING-HATE-YOU!” Nichkhun yelled on the very top of his voice, “You are heartless! I can’t believe you would do this to me!” He exploded, pushing himself off the piece of furniture and striding violently (he knocked down Junsu’s strawberry plushie while in the process of making a scene) to where Wooyoung was standing.
He began to tick off all the future persons he could possibly be to Wooyoung, flicking one finger with every count. “I CALL OFF BEING YOUR BOYFRIEND! I CALL OFF BEING YOUR KHUNNIE, I CALL OFF BEING YOUR FUTURE FIANCEE, YOUR FUTURE HUSBAND, YOUR FUTURE LIFE PARTNER-”
Wooyoung winced at all the noise, opposition, and drama, so he grabbed Nichkhun by the neck and planted a kiss against the other’s lips, effectively drowning out any more bitch-fitting rants that could possibly be produced.
“OAF.” Wooyoung heatedly spoke afterwards, “You stupid, small-faced oaf. Before you make decisions that I will probably, not in a bajillion years agree to, have you even entertained the thought that the kiss scene is just based on a camera angle?”
Nichkhun tried hard not to blush and sound even stupider, but he epically failed in both attempts. “C-camera angle?”
Wooyoung decided to be the helpful person between the two of them and explained the situation in the simplest way possible. “WE DIDN’T REALLY KISS.”
“Oh.” Nichkhun slowly said, “OH!” He then grinned in realization, all the once over-flowing negativity disappearing so quickly that it was hard to imagine that it was there in the first place.
“Look, Khun.” Wooyoung gently explained, “I love you like hell. But you have to learn how to control your massively destructive jealousy.”
Nichkhun released a great sigh of relief, his shoulders sagging in relaxation. “So you’re not really mad?” He peeked cautiously into Wooyoung’s eyes.
Wooyoung smiled assuringly, his cheeks puffing out so adorably that it just crossed a new level of cuteness. (IT WAS SO UNREAL.)
“If I was, that would be a conspiracy.”
In the end, it all worked out beautifully.
Nichkhun Buck Horvejkul was so happy that he immediately hugged Jang Wooyoung until the latter showed signs of turning a different color (particularly that of the rainbow). Wooyoung was happy though.
Prince realized that leadja was absolutely right; conspiracies weren’t really meant to be stopped. You just notice it, make a big fuzz about it within a few moments and let it go completely. Now Prince knew who to call in times of utmost dilemmas (conspiracies!). Most likely he would have to call when Jay’s at church, since it seemed the man deprived of lower body strength was most inspired in the presence of God.
Nichkhun and Wooyoung were seated on the couch, the latter’s head leaning comfortably on the other’s firm shoulder. The others were too busy crawling on the floor and wrestling each other’s limbs off to care or comment about the lovey-dovey-ness of everything.
Their manager then entered the room, followed by some older women whom all of them recognized as the production staff of the SBS Gayo Daejun.
“Wooyoung.” Minjae called as he flipped through the outline of the entire program, “Get ready for practice. You’re having a dance performance with three SNSD members.”
Nichkhun calmly waved off the ordeal for two different reasons. One was that he had completely turned over a new, jealousy-reduced leaf, and second was that he knew he was much prettier than all nine members of SNSD combined, so he did not have any reasons to feel inferior.
“THIS IS A CONSPIRACY!”
Taecyeon, on the other hand, was a whole different story.
Fin. J