snore
I had my first day of work at the Cotton Exchange yesterday. It's not terribly hard work, but the constant stench of burned cloth gets pretty unnerving. And the fact that fires have happened on the laser before doesn't do much to ease my mind. But Agnes has been working the laser for ten years and never had to actually use the fire extinguisher, so that does reassure me. A little. Honestly, the job's not bad. The computer part is easy, and the physical part, while hard on the back muscles, is pretty easy, too. Actually, the laser is the part that I'm having the most trouble with. There's too many damn buttons! I can't remember all the processes!
But that'll improve with practice. It's only been two days, after all. I'll learn.
I tell you one thing I'll likely never get used to, though. The breaks. Those Cotton Exchange guys just love their breaks. It's an eight hour shift, and the Break Bell rings every two hours. Every two hours. I mean, damn! What do they take us for, a pack of wilting flowers? We may spend almost the entire shift on our feet, but that is why they recommend you wear tennis shoes to work. Doi!!!
Anyhoo... I took a quiz I found on Allison's journal. Here's my result: ***** or not. Damn thing didn't copy right.
So fine, I'll just bitch about the fact that even though the Fafsa people acknowledge my very definite need for financial aid, they don't appear to be inclined to offer me any. I don't qualify for any grants, because apparently they only give those to undergraduates - and how unfair is that? - and I'm not likely to get any loans, because they'll only grant 40grand in loans, and I took that much out for my undergrad. And they don't do different loans for grad and undergrad. And how unfair is that? How do doctors and lawyers incur 100s of thousands inof dollars college loan debt if they can't get more than 40,000 ever? WTF, mate, WTF? And why can't I find any damn schlarship money?!?! I've found tons of scholarships that Beth could apply for, and ONE that I can apply for. All the ones I think have potential, I find out I don't qualify for, or the deadline passed before I even knew I wanted to apply to grad school. Shitness there, you. Lots of shitness.
I REALLY don't want to have to give up Stirling just because I lack the funds.
And as long as I'm complaining, can someone please tell me why I've suddenly started having TJ deams again? I'd gotten down to less than one a month, and suddenly I've had two in a week. Am I not allowed to move on??? Am I not allowed to get over him? Does my subconscious just suddenly notice me not thinking about him all that much and realize that I may, in fact, be getting ready to move on to better and more attainable dreams, and think "Oh no! We can't let that happen; let's let her have some sweet dreams about the boy she knows she'll never have, no matter how much she wants him. Just nip that potential resolution right in the bud!"
I fucking hate my heart.